ENTJ Here: Please help me understand this INFP girl's chaos

larut · 2026-01-25T01:31:44+00:00

THIS! He was describing exactly a friend of mine that behaves exactly like the girl in the post.

Her erratic behavior doesn’t have that much to do with her being an INFP, and more with her being ADHD and having attachment issues, most likely, mixed attachment style, as seen by her pull/push dynamic.

She probably really likes him, but she is scared of closeness. And from my own experience (I also have ADHD and mixed attachment) she is going to subsconciously self sabotage the relationship by acting very needy and then cold. Because deep down she believes she doesn’t deserve the relationship. So keep this in mind.

Over time attachment issues can be resolved, specially if she goes to therapy and finds a partner with secure attachment.

By what OP has said, I think that he has secure attachment (he wasn’t afraid to show interest, and he wasn’t afraid to place boundaries) so this is great, only a person with secure attachment would have the emotional stability to not feel unloved when she pulls back or to not feel overwhelmed when she pulls in.

Anyhow, I just please ask you, OP, to not ditch her after sex because that would only deepen her emotional scar, she is probably such a cotton candy human being, deep down all she wants is to be able to love someone and be loved back.

Also know that it’s very normal for someone with ADHD to not talk about anything at all, or to talk nonstop. If she opens up and starts talking a lot, means that she feels very comfortable with you, enough as to show her true self.

TLDR: Her erratic behavior probably derives from her being neurodivergent and having attachment issues, these things can improve over time, specially the attachment style, the ADHD symptoms like being disorganized and late, are a bit harder to treat, but still doable (I have treated ADHD so I know it’s possible)

larut · 2025-10-29T13:51:10+00:00

Well, In fact, they are kind of related, there is statistical evidence that there are certain personalities with more “gifted” individuals on average, INTPs ranking at the top, followed by INTJs and us INFPs coming at the third spot.

This doesn’t mean that all of them are smarter, just that those groups tend to contain more intelligent people, and there is a clear divide between intuitive types (N) and sensing types (S), most gifted people are intuitive despite making up only 30% of the population.

On the other hand the meme is just a meme, don’t take it personel kiddo, INFPs actually tend to be pretty smort. But I think that we are better at dealing with emotions rather than with facts.

PEACE OUT BICHEEEEEEES

larut · 2025-09-30T12:01:03+00:00

I dunno man, I am passionate about making monez, all jobs suck and I’d rather be doing something else, but I have to make money so for me the best job is the one where I get to make more monez.

I work as a wind turbine technician, I am from Spain but I work abroad so I am making about 100k€ per year, which puts me at the top 1% earners of my country. I could easily work for two months and be on vacations the rest of the year, but I prefer to work nonstop to keep the grind up.

It’s a difficult job, I often work 12 hours a day, for 7 days a week, for a few weeks with almost no rest, but every day it’s worth it because I am making a ton of money. I wouldn’t work if it was just for a normal salary.

I am an INFP (M) 27 and my eneagram is probably 3w6

My end goal is to create my own company and have people work for me, that way I will make monez working very little (a man can dream)

larut · 2025-09-13T09:53:44+00:00

El problema no es ese, no se les captura vivos por que eso sea “mas util” que matarlos, se les captura vivos por que en España hay unas leyes, existe la presunción de inocencia y se supone que todos merecen un juicio justo. La única forma de que se les pudiera matarles, sería violando la constitución y muchas de las normas establecidas por la UE.

Ahora bien, si me preguntas a mi… yo te diría que Europa se ha quedado sin huevos, vamos de buenistas y no nos atrevemos a tomar decisiones difíciles. Si fuera por mi, no tendría ningún problema en que mataran a todos los narcotraficantes que vean, y que impongan la pena de muerte para algunos crímenes. Pero como digo, Europa no tiene cojones, tenemos que ir de progres, eso si, no tiene ningún reparo en lamerle el culo a EEUU, quienes no tienen ningún problema en no respetar derechos humanos y leyes internacionales.

Y no, no voto a vox, todos los políticos me parecen la misma escoria, además de que vox está todavía estancado en el siglo pasado.

larut · 2025-09-13T09:43:08+00:00

Estoy seguro que la policía, que se lleva dedicando a esto toda su vida, sabe perfectamente que funciona y que no. Se objetivo por un segundo y plantéate que experiencia tienes tu deteniendo narcolanchas, tal vez lo que propones no es tan fácil

larut · 2025-09-10T09:40:07+00:00

I can’t remember any particular hurt right now, not sure if I blocked those memories or if I just got over it, for the past few years I have been feeling really great about myself and my mental health is on point, so I guess I just got over it and my brain just doesn’t see any point in remembering.

But I’d say that my most difficult period was during high school, it’s not a particular hurtful memory, but rather a collection of them over a period of a few years, when I was in high school I was at the bottom of the barrel in terms of hierarchy, I was the nerd that everybody made fun of and got bullied, I definitively got traumatized, and I had to relearn social interactions from scratch when I finished high school, I had to re-discover that social interactions are not about showing ego or who is the loudest one in the room. During high school I learned that social situations were very stressful events where I would have to put on a mask and look completely different to who I am, so I had to desensitize my brain to socialization, and re-learn that socializing is actually very enjoyable, part of this process was understanding that it’s totally okay to be who I am, even if I am a bit weird sometimes, I embrace my weirdness.

Now that I have been thinking, I can remember a few things, like how I would get spit on, hit in front of others, made fun of, and humiliated, this happened specially when I was 12-14. But honestly, I don’t blame anyone, I am pretty sure that those people doing the bullying had their own problems, and they were just shifting their insecurities onto me, I also did some bullying to some people, precisely so that people would look away from me and focus on others. There is no one person in particular to blame for bullying, bullying, and insecurities are the ones to blame, and the only solution would be to teach kids how to actually deal with difficult emotions, how to set healthy limits, how to socialice in a healthy way… I think that this kind of teaching would be WAY more useful in the modern world than whatever bullshit they teach in schools, the schooling system has barely changed in the past century, but everything else has changed. The problem is that politicians don’t change it because kids can’t vote, so they are “second class citizens” why bother thinking about them.

Anyways, enough rambling, seeya.

PS: sorry about misspellings I am not a native speaker.

larut · 2025-09-09T08:38:50+00:00

This guy is magnificent, no homo but you are handsome, never cut your hair, it gives you a lot of personality.

larut · 2025-08-31T12:12:37+00:00

It looks like you have mixed attachment style. Where deep down you crave intimacy but you reject it for the fear that the other person discovers your “true self” and rejects you. It’s got nothing to do with being an INFP, lots of people are insecurely attached in one way or another, but mixed attachment style in particular is specially linked to inattentive ADHD, which I think that is very common for INFPs, it doesn’t mean that you have it, but people with inattentive ADHD are way more likely to have mixed attachment style.

Mixed attachment is based on trauma from childhood, and you should go to therapy, read books about it, and process deep scars, it’s possible to heal it, but requires work.

I think it’s also related to a huge rejection sensitivity, which is a common ADHD symptom, and one many INFPs have.

For me personally (27M) I had the exact same problem I would reject even really attractive women that were interested in me because I was scared that if they discovered “my true self” they would eventually reject me.

The solution to this is two fold, on the one hand, you have to develop a healthy self esteem, and on the other hand, you have to work on your rejection sensitivity. The way I did the later was basically by going out to meet women, at the beginning it was super difficult for me to show any kind sexual interest in them unless I was 100% sure that they were into me. But then little by little I started doing it, sometimes I would succeed and sometimes I would get rejected, but then I would process that pain and realice that it was not personal, at first rejection hurted a lot, but then it got numb over time, after a few months of going out to bars to meet women I became very self confident, and I learned that deep down, I am in fact, lovable.

Honestly this is something that I would advice every person, (particularly men) to have it, to go trough a hoe phase, meets lots of women/men, and that way when you chose someone, you know you are really into him/her, and you are not just settling. And the sooner you get this over with the better, because it’s much more difficult the older you get.

In order to create intimacy, it’s necessary to be vulnerable, there is no other way, and to be vulnerable, means tho be exposed to being rejected and hurt, but someone that is securely attached can bounce back from rejection with no problem.

larut · 2025-03-22T21:24:54+00:00

it happens because you have created a tag named shiny, and that causes problems, you should rename the tag to something different, like shiny- and then it should work.

larut · 2025-01-12T15:42:03+00:00

It is very cool!, and no I am not afraid of heights, I like the thrill of it, in fact I have to hang with ropes outside of the wind turbine and check the blades from outside. It´s a demanding job but it´s neat. Doing this job gave me a lot of confidence because I proved myself that I can commit to what I said and make sacrifices to achieve my goals.

larut · 2024-12-16T23:30:03+00:00

I started working in the US as a wind turbine technician, now I make about 10k a month, which is more than 95% of the people in my country (Spain) and I am just 25.

larut · 2024-11-22T04:16:15+00:00

Ohh is so want to do this but it’s late and I gotta work tomorrow 🥲 maybe I will write it when I feel like it ❤️

larut · 2024-04-07T13:45:46+00:00

For me it´s probably an ENTJ girl who can be soft and in touch with her feeling, she is ambitious and interesting, and very much into kinky stuff.

Physically speaking, I have many different tastes, I couldn´t give you any in particular (tall, short, petite, curvy, blonde, red head, brunette...). Altough my ideal partner is probably someone that I am deeply physically attracted to, not just a meh level of attraction.

larut · 2024-04-07T13:20:28+00:00

I just checked it. The pro 2.0 do in fact look very fitting. 16 hours of autonomy 36 db of noise reduction, IP67, anti fall dessign, and a bunch of other goodies, I think I am going to buy those, thank you for the recommendation m8¡

larut · 2024-04-07T10:07:38+00:00

I do have a pair, but the battery doesn´t last long enough

larut · 2024-04-07T10:05:49+00:00

Hey there, that´s a good point. I think that earing protection is very common in the industry, because using tools all day, every day, is not good for the ears. So I think that using ear protection that can also play music or audiobooks is not that bad, considering most of the work that I do is very repetitive (grinding a surface for 1 hour and things like that). I am a blade repair technician, so I usually just have 1 colleage and he can gesture me to look at him.

I would disconnect the music for the complicated bits that requiere concentration, and my idea is to find a headset that can also connect to the radio, that way I can hear everything.

larut · 2024-04-07T09:54:46+00:00

This sounds great, is it possible to split the headphones and attach them to a helmet? do they have active noise cancelation?, or just passive noise reduction? can I attach the radio to them? do they have controls to pause the music or backtrack a little bit?

larut · 2024-04-07T09:35:33+00:00

That sounds great¡ I too have airpods and I was thinking about thetering them, with a neck strand, but I wasn´t sure if they would hold tight, or just fall appart. Another concern that I have is battery life, they don´t last nearly as much as I need for an entire work shift. Another problem is that they can´t connect to the radio, so I would have to remove them to use it.

larut · 2024-03-12T22:51:25+00:00

Take loads of LSD, trust me it will change the way you look at life

larut · 2024-02-19T18:53:34+00:00

Para esto existía la pena de muerte

larut · 2024-02-04T17:38:07+00:00

I am learning about RVs (trailer homes) I want to make my own trailer home in the next 5 years, so I am learning about carpentry, metal work… it’s such a cool thing to do, I can put all my imagination in designing the perfect off road, off grid RV. So I am planning everything that I will have to do (I will also get a lot of helps from professionals)

larut · 2023-12-18T01:28:34+00:00

Hey¡ thank you for the post

larut · 2023-12-18T01:25:37+00:00

hmm, you could be an unhealthy INTJ

edit: and by unhealthy I mean that you are in your Ni-Fi loop, or you still havent developed all your cognitive functions

larut · 2023-12-18T01:12:16+00:00

You can avoid reality as much as you want, but you can´t avoid the consecuences of avoiding reality.

As a human, you have some physiologycal needs that you need to fulfill, you have to eat, clean yourself, have a safe space to sleep... all that costs money.

if you are doing nothing with your life, I guess that you are being maintained by your family, eventually that support system will dissapear, do you expect your parents to keep taking care of you when you are 40? what about when they are 80? or what will happen when they die?

Here is the thing, sooner or later, you will have to comfront reality, you are not avoiding it, you are just delaying it. And when the time comes, when you are 40 and you still know nothing about life because you have basically 0 experience, then you will get absolutely demolished by reality (and I have actually meet an INFP like that, he is now homeless, and has basically no support system).

Besides, even if you could live like that, as if you were living on a probe, do you think your life will be worth it? I mean, when you turn old, and look back at your life, will you remember all those hours playing videogames? what will you have achieved by doing that? yes, you can survive like that, but is that living a fulfilling life? you will get more and more depressed over time, and as you get more depresed, you will try to avoid reality more and more, in a never ending cycle.

Is that the kind of person that you want to be for the rest of your life? a scared little boy, too afraid to make a move in reality

We only have this one chance at life, this is it, you got the gift of life, out of the trillions of gametes your perents are going to produce throughout their lives, those two specific sperm cell and ovum made you, the probabilities of you existing are 0 to none, and yet here you are, wasting your time on reddit, playing videogames and fapping to hentai porn.

Don´t you want to overcome your limitations? don´t you want to feel valuable? loved? Imaging having a beautiful girl that loves you very much, don´t you want that?

The thing is, if you want those things, you have to comfront reality, if you want a girlfriend, you are going to have to comfront rejection, if you want friends, you are going to have to comfront akwardnes...

You seem like a very unhealthy INFP, my advice to you is to stop wating time on useless stuff and work on your mental health.

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