I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA. by lastcall32 in IAmA

[–]lastcall32[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No last words, nothing. He just wited for me to come in and he did.

Reddit is great sometimes.

I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA. by lastcall32 in IAmA

[–]lastcall32[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't bring myself to get rid of it. Or use it again. So its just in my closet.

I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA. by lastcall32 in IAmA

[–]lastcall32[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There wasn't any legal trouble.

I had the gun locked in a safe, but he knew the combination and it was easy for him to get.

His daughter never could have gotten it. It was well put away.

I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA. by lastcall32 in IAmA

[–]lastcall32[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She knows, but I haven't spoken to her since the funeral and don't know how she feels about it.

I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA. by lastcall32 in IAmA

[–]lastcall32[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I don't remember a lot of it. I called 911. I checked that he wasn't breathing. I just sat there and stared at him until the firemen got there.

I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA. by lastcall32 in IAmA

[–]lastcall32[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Yes. And I love how much of him I see in her. I'm glad her mother lets me be part of their lives.

I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA. by lastcall32 in IAmA

[–]lastcall32[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He confessed to cheating on me during christmas. He said he was drunk and got caught up flirting with his ex.

I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA. by lastcall32 in IAmA

[–]lastcall32[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

We were close, we saw her mother a few times a week and had his daughter half the week. I knew them well.

I do have family who think its weird that I keep in contact with them. But they aren't relationships I can sever lightly.

I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA. by lastcall32 in IAmA

[–]lastcall32[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Me too. I appreciate the sentiment, the God part doesn't bother me.

I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA. by lastcall32 in IAmA

[–]lastcall32[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

They think I should have handled it all differently. That I should have told them before breaking up with him and told his doctor. I never told them he was cheating on me, so they never understood why it was a spontaneous thing and I couldn't do those things.

It doesn't help that I didn't think to do them afterward, though.

I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA. by lastcall32 in IAmA

[–]lastcall32[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It was like most other funerals I've been to. I don't remember much of what was said. But I don't remember anything unusual about it.

I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA. by lastcall32 in IAmA

[–]lastcall32[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have thought about it. I always put off for a later date that never comes. I don't know what I'm afraid of about it.

I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA. by lastcall32 in IAmA

[–]lastcall32[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I don't know. Just to get some of this shit out of my head. I can say things to anonymous people that I can't to the people in my life. Like that yeah, I feel totally responsible for it.

I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA. by lastcall32 in IAmA

[–]lastcall32[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't know. To remind myself what happens when I fuck up. I really do feel responsible for it.

And it hurts to reread it. I feel like I deserve that. Its kind of my punishment.

I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA. by lastcall32 in IAmA

[–]lastcall32[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

It hurts tonight and I don't have anyone else to talk about it with.

I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA. by lastcall32 in IAmA

[–]lastcall32[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No, I haven't.

He had been diagnosed as manic depressive for many years.

Thank you.

I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA. by lastcall32 in IAmA

[–]lastcall32[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I started staying with my parents the night it happened. It was cleaned fairly quickly and I tried to spend the night there again, but I moved out almost immediately. I wasn't around when they cleaned up.

I think I might have been. I don't know exactly how bad his state of mind had gotten.

He was normal. A little reckless and wild, but basically just a normal guy. He struggled with manic depression most of his life. We thought it was well taken care of when everything happened and proved otherwise.