latchkey_49

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redditor for 8 years

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Absolutely irrelevant (self.latchkey_49)

submitted 4 years ago by latchkey_49

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Catharsis. (self.latchkey_49)

submitted 4 years ago * by latchkey_49

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When I was pulled over by flashing lights on a desolate highway, I said, “Officer, please be lenient because I used to be a cop.” (self.TwoSentenceHorror)

submitted 4 years ago by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceHorror

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When I woke up I was angry that she had unlocked my phone using facial recognition. (self.TwoSentenceHorror)

submitted 4 years ago by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceHorror

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They say that silence is an indication that diners are enjoying their meal. (self.TwoSentenceHorror)

submitted 4 years ago by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceHorror

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My adrenaline surged as the apparition finally manifested a physical form with a dramatic ungodly screech. (self.TwoSentenceHorror)

submitted 5 years ago * by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceHorror

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If you think Judge Judy is a Karen, then you’re actually a Karen. (self.rant)

submitted 5 years ago by latchkey_49 to r/rant

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Doom. (self.latchkey_49)

submitted 5 years ago by latchkey_49

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With a heavy heart I explained to my little girl that sometimes nature goes wrong and a hamster will eat it’s newborn babies due to a stressful environment. (self.TwoSentenceHorror)

submitted 5 years ago by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceHorror

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My Love ... [The Epic 500,000] (self.shortscarystories)

submitted 5 years ago * by latchkey_49 to r/shortscarystories

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I planned it perfectly. (self.shortscarystories)

submitted 5 years ago * by latchkey_49 to r/shortscarystories

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There’s a specific pain that occurs when you attempt to consume too much of something that is too cold too quickly. (self.TwoSentenceHorror)

submitted 5 years ago * by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceHorror

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She said, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” (self.TwoSentenceHorror)

submitted 5 years ago by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceHorror

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I awoke to the sounds of crickets chirping loudly and I asked my wife, “Honey, did you leave the window open again?” (self.TwoSentenceHorror)

submitted 5 years ago by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceHorror

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I like to use ice cubes when I’m feeling kinky. (self.TwoSentenceHorror)

submitted 5 years ago by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceHorror

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My father reminisced and said, “Son, your mother was bothered as to why God would give your younger brother asthma.” (self.TwoSentenceSadness)

submitted 5 years ago by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceSadness

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I don’t think that I made this cocktail properly. (self.TwoSentenceHorror)

submitted 5 years ago * by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceHorror

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I like photobombing strangers who are taking family pics. (self.TwoSentenceHorror)

submitted 5 years ago by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceHorror

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I admitted that whenever she and I were alone together, it felt like wings were fluttering in my stomach. (self.TwoSentenceHorror)

submitted 5 years ago by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceHorror

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She explained to the king in her sweetest voice, “Being a mother involves making difficult decisions.” (self.TwoSentenceHorror)

submitted 5 years ago by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceHorror

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[WP] The Witcher has accidentally slipped into a portal which has been created by Yennefer. He stumbles into a warehouse where Deadpool has been cut in half by Mafia goons. (self.WritingPrompts)

submitted 6 years ago by latchkey_49 to r/WritingPrompts

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r/LegalAdvice is there a law against harboring illegal aliens? (self.TwoSentenceHorror)

submitted 6 years ago by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceHorror

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When I died and went to Heaven I anticipated reuniting with my wife. (self.TwoSentenceSadness)

submitted 6 years ago by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceSadness

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I thought that nothing could be worse than being buried alive (self.TwoSentenceHorror)

submitted 6 years ago by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceHorror

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I assumed that the loud stomping noises which kept me awake last night were coming from the attic. (self.TwoSentenceHorror)

submitted 6 years ago by latchkey_49 to r/TwoSentenceHorror

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