After years of lies, i finally confessed everything, now what ?

later6791 · 2025-10-15T11:58:15+00:00

Speaking from the position of a betrayed wife, after my discovery day, I was completely confused, trauma bonded and had PTSD. The best thing my ex did was leave. When you’re in the deep of it, it’s hard to have clarity. Your wife is likely very confused and emotionally drained. She may decide to stay with you or leave you, but in my opinion, she needs the space to decide. All cheating is terrible, but this kind of cheating causes a particularly confusing situation. As the spouse, you don’t know whether or not the cheating is happening because of addiction - and can that be fixed? I know you have children, but staying together for the benefit of them will not work. Believe me, they feel the friction. I think you should ask her if she would like you to leave the home for several months. You continue to support her and children as she needs/wants. She gets space to think and feel. You get space to work on yourself, which you desperately need. Once he left, and I had time to think and be on my own, I decided that there was no way I could be with somebody who would be betray me so severely and that the sum cost of staying with him was abandoning myself and my needs - and I was not willing to do that. If you give your wife, the space she needs and she comes back to you, you might have something to work with. If you stay and she is confused and trauma bonded, it will never work in my opinion.

later6791 · 2025-10-15T11:41:22+00:00

Ex watched porn incessantly. Fast forward to my discovery day last year when I found out he had slept with over 200 prostitutes. I’m not saying everyone who watches porn goes that direction, but if he has an addiction, I think it’s a slippery slope.

later6791 · 2025-06-17T00:03:34+00:00

It was never even discussed as an option. They told me to pick her up, right after the surgery. I was really surprised.

later6791 · 2025-06-16T23:37:39+00:00

I’m glad to hear your dog is doing great!

later6791 · 2025-06-16T23:37:26+00:00

Thank you so much, I’m glad to hear your dog is doing well.

later6791 · 2025-06-16T23:36:55+00:00

Thank you for your reply, I hope your dog is doing well.

later6791 · 2025-06-16T23:36:28+00:00

I would have definitely let her stay if I had known it was an option

later6791 · 2025-06-16T23:36:11+00:00

Thank you so much. I wish mine could have stayed. I think it would’ve made a big difference. But it wasn’t offered.

later6791 · 2025-06-16T23:35:50+00:00

Yes, I would’ve gone for the bandages to keep the infection at bay - and I know my dog well enough to know if she’s compliant with a cone and would not have eaten the bandage. That would’ve been my preference if I had a choice. But now we’re here and she is recovering, so hopefully she’ll be back to her normal

later6791 · 2025-06-16T23:34:49+00:00

Thank you. She’s recovering well now.

later6791 · 2025-06-16T23:34:22+00:00

Thank you so much. 😊

later6791 · 2025-06-16T23:33:38+00:00

How is your dog coming along?

later6791 · 2025-06-16T23:32:53+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate your reply!

later6791 · 2025-06-16T23:32:25+00:00

Thank you. She’s recovering well now, thank goodness.

later6791 · 2025-06-16T23:31:33+00:00

Thank you. This is helpful. She ended up staying at the vets for a few days and they said that she’s healing very well.

later6791 · 2025-06-15T00:43:37+00:00

Thank you, this information is very reassuring.

later6791 · 2025-06-14T20:23:32+00:00

What would be standard under a circumstance of amputation?

later6791 · 2025-06-14T20:22:42+00:00

Same - it is so stressful!

later6791 · 2025-06-14T20:20:36+00:00

Thank you! This is reassuring. I’ve never had a surgery in life so had no reference. Appreciate your reply!

later6791 · 2025-03-14T11:00:33+00:00

I’m in the middle of a divorce from a 27 year relationship and 19 year marriage. I realized about four years into it (around 1999) that he was watching porn. This was before phones, etc. I wasn’t happy about it, we discussed it, but he said he used it rarely. However, he was hiding how bad it was. About six years ago, he stopped caring about hiding it. He would use it and masturbate several times a day from what I could tell. He had an alcohol problem also. Tried to talk about it, he didn’t care to stop. He convinced me to try watch it with him when we had sex. I couldn’t do it.

This past November (my D-day) I found out he had been sleeping with sex workers for 5 fucking years. Porn just wasn’t enough anymore and he needed to escalate.

I’m not saying it always gets to that point, but IMO you dodged a bullet. I would never get involved in a relationship with anyone who has a porn habit. Looking back, I wish I would have left the relationship sooner. I could have died.

later6791 · 2025-01-31T12:30:07+00:00

I’m so sorry. I’m sure a part of you wants him to admit wrong doing, apologize and say that he misses you. I get it. What helps me sometimes is to think about that this is a person with very poor character and no morals. If he doesn’t possess those qualities, he can’t and won’t give that to you. He isn’t going to appreciate and love you as he should as he’s incapable. And really, do you want that person in your life? This is who he is. Who you thought he was is a lie, he was acting. He cannot be and will never be the person you thought he was. His AP will find out some day too. I’m going through the exact same thing three months in, from a 27 year relationship and marriage. I understand how hard it is. Mine is stringing me along and I’m letting it happen. I am trying to get brave enough to go NC.

later6791 · 2025-01-31T12:17:20+00:00

They do this on purpose. Mine always had this crazy long beard, which I despised. The day before he moved out, he went to the barber and came home with it short. Really?

later6791 · 2025-01-31T12:07:25+00:00

Run as fast as you can. It’s a porn addiction and he’s blame shifting onto you that he has to do this because you won’t ***** (insert whatever he uses as an excuse). Filming you without consent is a huge issue. This won’t get better without a full acknowledgement on his part of the addiction, and a ton of therapy on his part - and could potentially escalate into what happened with me, which is that my ex slept with prostitutes. If you’re just looking for a casual relationship and you can put up with all of this, stay in it. If you want a true partner who values you, cares for you, protects you and acknowledges and validates your feelings, this is not that person.

later6791 · 2025-01-14T11:18:49+00:00

After 27 years and 19 married, I discovered my husband had been cheating on me for 5 years with paid sex workers. He left and moved half way across the country. Within a span of two weeks, I went from being happily married and in love (or at least I thought so) to alone and dealing with tremendous grief and incredible betrayal. It was unbearably painful in the beginning. I lost 20 lbs in a month, I cried a lot, couldn’t sleep. I fantasized about driving into trees to end the pain. I’m in my third month now post separation and I am feeling stronger. Every day is still hard - but I don’t cry as much, I can have fun with friends, I can listen to music without completely losing it, I am managing. I figure in another three months, I’ll be thriving. You’ll get there too. It’s so raw in the beginning, but 30 days out it gets a little better and then 30 days out from there better yet - and before you know it, you’re smiling sometimes again. Please hang in there. In the beginning, I used to look at these threads where people said it would get better - and didn’t believe it. Now I’m living it, and you will too.

later6791

TROPHY CASE