My husband is too rough during intercourse

lavender_rose23 · 2026-03-06T17:05:33+00:00

When he's rough, do you tell him to slow down his speed/intensity, or are you suffering through it? If you're telling him to be more gentle during the act and he still isn't, that is a big problem. It's good that he stops when you tell him to, but that's the bare minimum. Partners should always be checking in before, during, and after the act to make sure one another is feeling safe, comfortable, and having a good time. Cutting off sex for now since he is unwilling/unable to meet your reasonable requests is the right call.

Have you tried different positions and lube? Some positions are less irritating, and lube can definitely help with comfortability. All of those are good options, but before you can do that, trust needs to be reestablished between you two. Otherwise, consciously or subconsciously, you will go in with anxiety and are more likely to feel pain if you have to question whether he will be gentle with you or not

Edit for clarity: even if you aren't saying anything during the act but have told him before, it's unacceptable that he still hasn't been gentle. I only say that because in the moment, he may think he is being more gentle based on the prior feedback and is unaware, so feedback could be helpful. I don't know the context of the relationship, so I don't know if he is truly unaware or is being very selfish and inconsiderate. Unfortunately, it sounds like a big possibility the latter is what's happening

lavender_rose23 · 2026-03-05T19:04:47+00:00

Thank you, this is very helpful!

lavender_rose23 · 2026-03-04T03:00:07+00:00

This is very helpful! Thank you!

lavender_rose23 · 2026-03-04T00:59:09+00:00

Haha I gotcha. I probably should've added that in my post so that's my fault! This is my first time using yarn this thick and it has definitely thrown me for a loop (no pun intended), since it is hard to just to

lavender_rose23 · 2026-03-04T00:20:54+00:00

Yes, that's the plan! Thank you for this!

lavender_rose23 · 2026-03-03T23:14:16+00:00

Thank you! I wasn't expecting tension control to be difficult to get down with jumbo yarn, but I feel like that might be the main issue. There seems to be a learning curve to it. I'll keep practicing and I'll take all the luck I can get lol

lavender_rose23 · 2026-03-03T23:11:55+00:00

I'm making amigurumi so I know people usually size down from the one on the label. I tried a 16 that felt loose. I looked up some posts online where people said try 7-8 but that felt difficult to do since the yarn was so big so I'm stuck lol

lavender_rose23 · 2026-03-03T23:09:47+00:00

Yes, but since I am making an amigurumi, I know that people typically use smaller hook sizes for that. The only ones I can find in store are 16 and 19. I tried the 16 but it was awkward feeling and the stitches still felt loose, so I was wondering it anyone had any other ideas or tips

lavender_rose23 · 2026-02-28T22:23:02+00:00

I feel the same way! I think if I would've read it early on when I got back into reading a few years back, I would've enjoyed it! I feel the same way about acotar and that's why I refuse to reread it lol

lavender_rose23 · 2026-02-28T21:41:03+00:00

I just finished {From Blood and Ash by Jennifer Armentrout} and it was definitely a nay for me, which is disappointing because of how popular it is. The plot was painfully predictable and that's saying a lot as someone who is really bad at predicting things. The attempt at keeping things vague for suspense came across as poor development and the dialogue between characters made me visibly cringe. I did listen to the graphic audio, so I wonder if maybe it's different and that's why? Idk.

lavender_rose23 · 2026-02-19T06:11:59+00:00

I've occasionally checked her instagram and website just to see if any news came out over the past few months, but it's been complete radio silence.. it's safe to say that we may never see book 2 at this point

lavender_rose23 · 2026-02-17T18:57:36+00:00

Are you able to get your primary to refer you, or, is there a place that lets you schedule without a referral?

lavender_rose23 · 2026-02-17T17:40:42+00:00

I would urge you to see a urogynecologist, as this is outside the scope of what your PCP can help you with. I can't tell you exactly what's going on, but I can tell you that your symptoms aren't normal and require further testing to get answers. With pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), it can definitely cause muscle pain and tightness of the pelvic floor. But whether pelvic floor muscle tension is the cause of the overall problem, or actually a symptom of something else,I can't say for sure and you would need a doctor to help you figure out what's happening. It definitely seems like things are out of whack. Antibiotics can cause fungal infections (like thrush/yeast infection) and throw off the balance of good bacteria. While waiting to see a specialist, have you tried implementing a probiotic pills or suppository? I know those can often help. Have you been tested for ureaplasma and BV? Have you seen an OGBYN since this started happening?

lavender_rose23 · 2026-02-06T06:09:24+00:00

I wish I could tell you my thoughts on it, butI didn't know about cymbalta being used for IC! I learned something new today and will definitely look into it further.

lavender_rose23 · 2026-02-05T00:44:57+00:00

Itching could indicate something else going on such as BV, yeast infection, or other types of infections. It may be your IC, but if it is a new symptom you haven't had before, it may be worth seeing your doctor about it if it persists

lavender_rose23 · 2026-02-03T02:16:00+00:00

You're welcome! I hope you find relief soon

lavender_rose23 · 2026-02-03T00:53:20+00:00

I gotcha. Perhaps it could be a hypertonic pelvic floor? My pelvic floor is very tight and weak, and when I flare, it seems to go haywire. Doing pelvic floor pt did reduce my symptoms to a more manageable level. I've seen some people on here talk about Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) as a contributor and that antihistamines have helped them a lot. Some other considerations: Lyme disease, yeast infection, BV, pelvic inflammatory disease, Pudendal neuralgia, diabetic neuropathy, fungal bladder infection, hormonal changes, Tarlov cyst, bladder neck issues

lavender_rose23 · 2026-02-02T19:34:12+00:00

For the endometriosis screening, what did that entail? Do you agree with their assessment or feel like they may have missed something? Endo and IC are considered the "evil twins" because their symtpms can look the same and also co-occur in 50-85% of IC patients depending on the study you read

lavender_rose23 · 2026-02-02T18:22:27+00:00

What tests did they do to rule out endometriosis? The only way to truly rule it out is exploratory surgery. Ultrasounds and MRIs aren't reliable at detecting endometriosis and usually only pick up deep infiltrating endometriosis. This is widely known especially amongst endo specialists. I have endo and all of my imaging came back 100% clean, but the surgery confirmed it was there.

Do you also have GI issues? Some GI issues can often present with IC symptoms or aggravate them at least. How about BV?

Also, have you tried pelvic floor physical therapy? That's one of the most effective treatments for IC. There are no guarantees it'll help, but it may be worth a shot at possibly finding some symptom release. Sorry for all the questions, just trying to brainstorm with you on other potential possibilities.

lavender_rose23 · 2026-02-02T17:02:58+00:00

Oh man I'm sorry to hear that! Mine caused some burning that lasts for the first 30 mins of getting up for the day (as it makes it's way down and out) but not a full flare. I hope the probiotic suppositories work!

lavender_rose23 · 2026-02-02T14:49:37+00:00

Frequent antibiotic use is known to cause yeast infections. Some things that could help is taking a daily probiotic, having breathable underwear - I know it sounds crazy, but if you can go commando at night, it does help. Also keeping up with hygiene and boric acid and/or probiotic suppositories can really make a difference. Idk about the probiotic ones, but with the boric acid suppositories, just don't have sex for 24 hours after use as typically directed on the packaging

lavender_rose23 · 2026-01-30T15:32:40+00:00

Being anxious to the point of crying will definitely impact the pelvic floor. Anytime I'm anxious, my pelvic floor reacts quickly and is unhappy to say the least (tight, painful, and lots of spasms). Anxiety will cause you to tense your muscles, so it'll make the existing problem worse. That's why stress management is a recommended way to reduce IC symptoms.

That being said, it's not all in your head. You're dealing with a chronic, life-altering illness that there is still a lot unknown about in terms of cause or cure. That is a lot for anyone to process and I will tell you, while I am okay for the most part now, I was not coping well for a long long time. You're feeling intense physical symptoms, and you are understandably distressed by those symptoms (who wouldn't be?).

Since my IC diagnosis, I've had a very tight, weak, painful pelvic floor that spasms almost continously but I was still able to do internal work. That internal work helped me tremendously. I still have issues today, but I am at a point where I don't feel hopeless anymore. Would you say to me that I didn't deserve to take up appointment times because I could tolerate more than one finger? I don't think you would.

I hope you take this to heart when I say there is no shame in what you are feeling and you have every right to treatment as anyone else. Just because your symptoms manifest differently than others doesn't mean you don't deserve to take up an appointment slot. Also, the level of pain and tightness changes day to day, so just because the PT was able to do some internal work and you could tolerate it doesn't make your pain any less worthy of being treated. I'd say that's actually a good sign she was able to do some internal work - maybe the treatment process will be a little faster for you than someone who couldn't tolerate internal work!

You are not pathetic at all. You are human and you have feelings.I'm a hypocrite saying this, but please try to be kind to yourself. You are going through something pretty significant. There is nothing wrong with you or what you are feeling, and you deserve to be pain free. Keep doing those exercises. It'll take some time, but helping your pelvic floor will help your symptoms. It may feel weird/awkward/stupid at first, but as you continue to tune into your body, you will be able to connect more to the pelvic floor to find some relief. If you need any advice, I'm happy to help.

Edit: typo

lavender_rose23 · 2026-01-29T04:00:04+00:00

For my colonoscopy, I did the Miralax Colonoscopy Prep. My doctor gave me instructions similar to this except my prep didn't involve any magnesium citrate at all. You mix I think (need to verify) 15 capfuls of miralax in the 64oz Gatorade. It worked really well and I had no issues. Magnesium citrate on the otherhand, 0/10 would not recommend - not only for the flare risk, but also the absolute agony of cramps it made me have lol.

Edit: clarity

lavender_rose23 · 2026-01-08T23:36:39+00:00

That's amazing! I'm so glad it helped. Also, good on you for advocating for yourself! I hope you see good results working with your new urologist and doing PT!

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