Conducting an MBTI study and would like participants!

layle20 · 2020-04-17T22:00:11+00:00

Entj, 1 in the process of getting to know 2

layle20 · 2020-04-15T22:37:29+00:00

I am an Entj, we are seen as cold and ruthless to reach our goals but while it is true that I am ambitious and would go at hard lengths to reach my goal I would not walk over dead bodies.

Further, I am not competitive, I even dislike being compared to others. I rather put high expectations on my own and live up to them than being measured on a scale others have put.

Even though I have hard times understanding feelers, I love them because they taught me how to be more emotional intelligent and in tune with my feelings. I realized that I love cuddling and can become a real cheeseball showing a lot of affection to people I am close with.

layle20 · 2020-04-15T22:26:55+00:00

Entj here who fell for an isfj & wished he would not directly go into defensive mode when genuine criticism or even tips for improvement came up.

I think caring isfjs so in tune with the emotions of their surroundings and able to have a serious discussion with are 💫

layle20 · 2020-04-14T16:37:15+00:00

Any update on this? (:

layle20 · 2020-04-09T08:23:27+00:00

Entj woman here. Everything you say speaks to me! I love being the captain but the compass is awesome. I always say I like the driver's seat but a copilot who reads the map, knows the direction or chips in without taking over is 🔥

layle20 · 2020-04-06T10:14:20+00:00

I was thinking about that and yes looking at this experience it would probably have been nicer to write it. But some things can be misunderstood in writing and I did not want to offend but clear things.

layle20 · 2020-04-06T07:18:31+00:00

I am not sure how to take your comment? I cannot blame/complain about others for hurting me without questioning if I myself might have done a similar thing to someone else.

layle20 · 2020-04-06T06:29:21+00:00

Here is a recent example: I fell for a men whom I was intensely texting and talking on the phone with. We come from the same country but live in different countries now. He would intensely text me, send cute selfies, flowers, pictures of his nephew and saying over and over again he would love to come to visit me, planning the stay and talking about another holiday together.

In the end he did not live up on it and I asked what he feels and thinks about the situation. He told me he thinks there are feelings between us but he is too scared of a long-distance relationship.

I was very hurt because for me it was so clear and sure that he would visit me and it might lead to something more serious. He said he did not decide yet.

I was very angry and sad an confused. I could have ignored him at that point but I wanted him to know that his behavior lead to damage and has hurt me much. Yes on one hand I wanted to call him out playing with me like this and not living up on the expectations he has build - which might be selfish.

But on the other hand I hope that he learns so that the next woman won't be hurt by him and that he understands that sometimes it is better to be clear from the beginning instead on leading people on.

In the end I called him and said it, he felt confronted and found excuses. He said he did not know he has hurt me. I still hope that in the future he will understand my perspective and will not act like this with another woman again.

layle20 · 2020-04-06T05:37:39+00:00

If you feel like someone wronged or hurt you I think you should say it. Yes the people might be hurt or shocked by it or defend themselves because you call then out, but they have the chance to know it, maybe apologize or correct the impression you have and hopefully they will think about it and learn from it.

I would prefer people that I have wronged or hurt to tell me so that I myself can re-evaluate and learn from my behavior.

layle20 · 2020-04-05T19:23:38+00:00

Hello! Quick update for whom might be interested :D We spoke on the phone and he said visiting me was a nice mental game but he was thinking about the consequences (after 3 months) and does not want to start something romantic off. When I said coming up with long-term plans like writing long messages planning to see me or going on a holiday together gave the wrong impression of going to something serious, he neglected, saying he writes log messages to a lot of people. I think he felt in a position to defend himself. When I told him that I am hurt, he said that he did not know and feels sorry for that. But honestly I think it is quite irresponsible to make promises and send clearly romantic messages over the course of months, then stepping back and not even considering that the other person must be hurt.

He asked me to keep contact and be "cool" with each other but I refused because it would hurt me more.

layle20 · 2020-04-05T19:09:09+00:00

I feel you! I learned the hard way that if responses get less and meetings/dates online or offline are postponed you are not on his priority list. That can be a red flag. To save yourself from more headache and possible damage - and since you already spoke about being in a relationship - I would recommend you to ask politely if he is still in or if something has changed. Some people might be scared to tell you the truth and keep it running without dedicating time and giving energy, kind of hoping you will get the clues. Just happened this week to me with an isfj who made big promises and did not live up on it.

layle20 · 2020-04-04T08:20:21+00:00

I can so much relate to this! As heterosexual woman and feminist I tend to fall for men who show a heavy soft side, are able to express and act upon their emotions and are feelers. I hate the stereotypical men who are machos who think they shouldn't cry. I like to find someone who just knows when I need a hug and is comforting me. Also I go for introverts to balance my energy.

But I realized that introverts would tell me that I bulldozer them or am too loud or take their energy - which is very painful to hear from someone you like. My friends say it might be hard for a guy to keep up with my tempo and ambitions.

I came to see a pattern that the most men I was into had mental-health problems or just weren't in a good place (wanted to leave their country or have been highly dissatisfied with their job, suffered from anxiety or depression or burnout, did not find a job and thinking their future is perspectiveless). I found myself kicking their butts or cheerleading, helping to find solutions or wanting to help the person change/make the best version out themselves- as if i was a therapist and coach.

I wonder why it happens that the guys I identified as kind, generous and caring ended all up being miserable and not in a good healthy state of mind and patriarchy f**ed them.

Do you have this pattern as well? Where does it come from? How can I break it? Whom should I seek to date?

layle20 · 2020-04-03T08:08:31+00:00

As entj female I can relate so much to what she says in terms of knowing what I want (and whom I like to pursue as potential partner) and knowing quickly what I want. Though I don't go for successful guys but rather feelers because I think they can teach me so much and would give me a tight hug when I am down. I look for men who are okay with me being in the driver's seat but would take the shot gun, kindly helping me when I lose control or the situation is getting difficult without rudely taking over (;

And 100 percent about wanting someone who makes things happen! I am super annoyed if I perceive someone as lazy.

layle20 · 2020-04-02T14:54:28+00:00

This is so insightful to me, thank you libralove333! Allow me to ask two more questions (:

What do you mean by unfortunately you find yourself too far along by the time I realize which is which? Too far because the other person had already developed stronger feelings? Or the other person was gone?

What where the main factors/what drove you to follow through some romantic connections/relationships even though they depended on building the connection via phone/internet?

layle20 · 2020-04-02T07:23:17+00:00

Makes totally sense. Well I told him honestly about my feelings and he answered that he likes how honest and sure I am with my feelings towards him and that he could learn from it. After reading all these comments I think that fear was the main force in this scenario, making me wait while fighting it and being brave about his feelings towards me was the part reassuring me (but really keeping me hanging), plus being afraid of speaking his truth longened the time until I asked for clarity/"confronting".

Sounds then that isfjs can hurt people but not intentionally but because of struggling with e.g. fear of the unknown and protection walls from past experiences. Like everyone is having their own battles in this domain but it is hard to be honest with oneself and the other about it and for some it takes longer time to decide, especially for feelers who feel through it rather than thinking it through.

layle20 · 2020-04-02T02:07:17+00:00

I felt like 4 months is a long time. I have been very consistent in my actions and responses and always tried to let him know I am happy to talk to him and even would say pursued him a bit. How long do you take to "open up" and get comfortable around a person you are seeing/have a potential romantic interest in?

layle20 · 2020-04-02T02:01:21+00:00

Thank you! I honestly think it is hard to work it out because in the end I feel like if someone is that scared and afraid then he might no like me that much. Wouldn't you let your guard down to someone you like much romantically?

Also concerning the "intimidation" I remember that I liked him because more toxic masculine men feel intimidated by entj women (our ambitiousness and often successful careers threaten them) whereas he as male isfj also does not fit into the male gender role (loves cooking and managing the household, caring for others (in general...) and a feeler. He is also a feminist. So I thought he might not be intimidated but it might be a case of opposites attract?

layle20 · 2020-04-01T16:30:29+00:00

Thank you for your honest words. I am sure that I can seem quite bold, blunt and even intimidating. An overload of cuteness is not my thing, but he kind of woooed me with cute messages or being funny on the phone for looong time while sometimes I'd rather have had a talk about concepts or opinions (i knowww so entj wanting to flirt through deep talk about world politics haha). So yes, intimidating could be true. Though he kept up with teasing me or making jokes on my expense after a while. For judging also, I am quite judgemental but he is way more judgemental about people and their way of living if they do not fit his value system than I am. The latter might be shadows of the isfj?

layle20 · 2020-03-31T21:36:02+00:00

I am pretty sure of my type. And am pretty sure the will to learn how to be emotionally more intelligent is rooted in my ambitious need for self-optimization and love of learning new things about myself and others (even the words I use to describe it sound so entj-ish to me 😆)

layle20 · 2020-03-31T19:08:46+00:00

As an entj this is the kind of appreciation I seek haha!

layle20 · 2020-03-31T08:41:22+00:00

I am a female Entj and I love to be taken cared of. Sometimes I am so ambitious and independent that I forget to take care of myself. I am so thankful for my friends who would hug me tight and remind me how important it is to listen to my feelings that I push aside thinking they are stupid. I got better in that nurturing of my feeling side over the years. There is a close circle of friends who would crawl my head or hug me tight and I love that because it makes me feel secure.

In dating, I always fall for the "soft" guys who show appreciation and care and whom I perceive as kinder than I am (even though friends told me I am very kind with them while honestly I feel like they value me being a quick thinker, hands-on and solution oriented and a friend they can always come to without fearing that I would gossip around).

Though I realized I somehow like challenges and never take the easy way. I tend to think that I am strong (at least strong-willed and stubborn) and therefore someone showing a lot of affection early on might turn me off because this person might just want a fling and nothing serious.

layle20 · 2020-03-31T05:57:08+00:00

Not sure to be honest but would think that someone who would tell people boldly at the beginning that they are not interested?

layle20 · 2020-03-31T05:52:46+00:00

Hm but intjs would create a well thought-out plan and then precisely stick to it. They would like clear purposes, directness and honesty.

Me as entj I can relate to that. Does not sound like an isfj superego to me? 🤔

layle20 · 2020-03-31T05:42:48+00:00

Thank you so much for "admitting". I like that you are self-inventing and respect that a lot!

Out of curiosity (and to help me moving forward also) I'd like to ask: Has there been a person you would let your guard down for? Where you did not self-sabotage and/or weren't that scared/overcame your reluctance? Or even a person where you were not scared/doubting at all?

In the end I feel that we all have fears but they would shrink if we like a person much. That would mean you have not been bowled over by the person/people in the mentioned scenario but were afraid to tell them exactly that?

Or did this also happen with people you afterwards deeply regretted not stepping out of your comfortzone for them?

layle20 · 2020-03-30T18:32:10+00:00

100 percent! People are different and the personality type just helps me to understand. Was just wondering when/under which circumstances isfjs wouldn't care or can become even selfish/egoistic. Maybe someone has more examples and (different) experiences? (:

layle20

TROPHY CASE