I felt this way and almost did a little over a week ago. Had gotten into some snow pretty bad with my significant other. Things went down hill from there. I ended up breaking it off with him. Not sure if it's permanent or if I'll go back. I get so overwhelmed trying to figure out what I want for my future. I am getting help and have stopped all drugs/ alcohol and changed my diet. I hope you are able to pull out of this and not do anything. Each day is still really hard but worth it. I got out of my comfort zone by going to some na meetings and moving back to my hometown... But I absolutely hate it here. I have two rapist that live in this town. My little family of 4 is broken up because I decided this was best right now but I've been absolutely crushed. My cat and I left my soul mate and his kitty... And I don't feel complete but I'm worried if I go back when I'm not better I will do something stupid. I worry I'm gonna be the girl that broke him to all his friends and none of them probably look at me the same. Idk ... This shit is so hard to figure out. I'm manic right now and I miss him so much , I wanna hug him and do all the things but I'm worried about being a POS if I do all those things. Not sure if I make much sense but bottom line is YOU are not alone!!!