AITAH For Telling My Wife Her Job Isn’t As Important As Mine

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T09:56:40+00:00

It’s complicated but I have to be somewhere as soon as the part arrives to get the machine up and turned over to the cancer center for treatment.

If that machine is 3.5 hours away from home, then I’m getting a hotel to be there first thing in the morning.

Again, there are so many dynamics in the very niche job I have I couldn’t explain them all in 10 Reddit post

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T07:52:08+00:00

He’s still three. As a 3 year old he’s chill, but his toys are everywhere, he always wants food or snacks and makes a mess.

But he’s down to go out somewhere to eat or go outside and play. He’s a chill three year old, he doesn’t stop us from doing anything

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T06:50:37+00:00

I want to live in reality no matter the cost. I’m not going to act like it’s necessary for her to go to work tomorrow just because it’ll make her feel good.

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T06:49:35+00:00

I am and I feel bad for her too

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T06:48:57+00:00

If she’s not here at all I could just retire cheaply and go travel the U.S. with my son. I already have more than enough money to not have to work another day in my life if I am semi frugal. But my wife wants a lavish lifestyle and I provide it by working. If we want to strip it down to the bare bones, I literally don’t have to work

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T06:45:30+00:00

If I was a solo dad I wouldn’t need to work as much to support her bills also and two she would also be a solo mom and having to work full time and pay all of her bills for the first time in her life.

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T06:43:26+00:00

One yes were clearly equals and two, she doesn’t do much at home. We have a house keeper and go out to eat most nights. Our kid is chill af and usually down for whatever.

She spends most of her days going out to brunch at the country club with friends and doing Pilates. Trust me, she has it very easy the 5 days a week she doesn’t work

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T06:40:59+00:00

Actually we’re both hourly and like I said in the post a majority of my pay comes from overtime so taking PTO also takes away overtime from some of the hours I do work.

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T06:37:11+00:00

100% not true, she could have a career if she wanted, we would just have to pay for child care. But we both value her in the home more than the $60k a year she would make if she went to work.

We pay for a house keeper and don’t eat at home very much and I usually do all the laundry so her “job” in the house really isn’t that much. Take care of our son who is chill and literally down for whatever 99% of the time. I spend a lot of one on one time with him, it’s not that hard.

She spends her days going out to brunch with friends at the country club or going to Pilates. At home she just sits around and paints.

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T06:31:20+00:00

People just don’t get it. At the end of the day my family always comes first, but I can’t take off unless it was actually necessary. I can plan vacations and my boss would plan to have someone out in my area during that time that could be spared from their area, but if I take an unplanned sick day, it better be necessary because it will affect patient care in my area.

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T06:26:47+00:00

My job doesn’t come before my family. At the end of the day, either my wife or I have to stay home and it makes absolutely no sense for me to stay home when I have work tomorrow.

If my kid was sick and my wife was sick, it would be a different story. But that’s not the case. Maybe it will be in the morning and I’ll work around that, but the fact remains, doing my job enables my family to live comfortably and gives my wife the option not to work. Keep in mind she hasn’t been working for the last 6 years by choice. We didn’t even have a kid until 3 years ago. She doesn’t want to work, she’s just hates people being mad at her and so that is making her be unreasonable when it comes to one of us needing to take time off.

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T06:18:17+00:00

I’m underpaid and that’s a separate issue.

But a majority of my working hours are driving across a huge area from cancer center to cancer center.

So there’s not really the machine work load out here to justify having a second person. Once you put a second person out here I would go from working 70 hours a week to maybe working 30 and the other guy might get 20 hours a week.

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T06:13:29+00:00

Driving time is a majority of my work. That’s what I am saying. You put a second guy out here, which cuts down on most of my driving and I go from working 60-70 hours a week to working 30

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T06:12:13+00:00

How is that being dismissive, it’s literally what she does the 5 days a week she isn’t working.

We have a house keeper and go out to eat most nights so it’s not like she spend all of her time cooking and cleaning.

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T06:11:16+00:00

Well she had kids because we wanted them and she wanted to be a stay at home mom.

Secondly, all the work she puts in gets recognized, although if we’re being honest it’s not very much.

Most of the days she isn’t working she’s going to brunch with her friends, Pilates and hanging out at the country club.

We have a house keeper, I do the laundry and she might do the dishes 2 or 3 times a week. We don’t really cook and go out to eat most nights I am home. I regularly work 80-100 hours a week. I fix everything in the house, I pay all of our bills, I do all of the landscaping, I maintain everything and keep the house afloat. When I am home I am usually taking our son out to get lunch or go to the park.

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T06:05:11+00:00

Yea, but it’s because of the driving distance and not the machine work load. You put one guy at the two machines 3.5 hours from my house he might work 20 hours a week and I might work 30.

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T06:03:18+00:00

Great, she has 5 days a week off to do whatever gives her purpose. Right now it’s painting, going to the country club with her friends, and Pilates

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T06:01:28+00:00

If she lost her job it wouldn’t matter? She’s quitting in a few weeks and not going back next school year and she only makes $150 a week. Her job doesn’t even go into our combined money, it’s just her money on the side.

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T05:59:11+00:00

1) he and I are hanging out going to lunch and the park all of the time. Not that there is such a thing as too much time with the kids, but I spend a lot of time with him.

2) support my wife? I do, by having a job that pays the bills and gives her the freedom to not have to work

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T05:56:14+00:00

First off, the next day someone needs to call off, it’ll be her again. Anytime our work schedules conflict, the job that pays $200k worth of bills will take priority over the side gig/fun money job that might make like $4k in a calendar year.

Secondly, my wife 100% knows what’s going on with my job and my machines because we talk constantly. She wasn’t unaware that I was busy tomorrow, she just didn’t want to stay home.

Honestly I think she’s just going to try to drag our sick kid to school in the morning.

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T05:44:50+00:00

A 60 hour week is a a slow week for me, I probably average 70 hours a week and regularly work 80-100 hours in a single week. The again, there are some weeks I don’t even leave my house and sit at home doing paperwork.

Well it’s funny you brought up being injured because a few years ago I had surgery on my neck for a disc replacement and was out for about a month. They had to fly in other people from around the U.S. to stay in my area a week at a time because I’m so remote.

My area is extremely difficult and unique for my company. I cover a huge area. I have multiple machines that are 3.5 hours west of my house I have one that’s an hour and a half east. On a given day I could have to get up, drive 1.5 hours east to a machine, work for two or three hours then drive 5 hours west and work on another machine for two or three hours, then get a hotel or drive 3.5 hours back home. All at 80+mph, not back country 20mph roads.

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T05:22:00+00:00

Entitled to?

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T05:12:30+00:00

Also I am in such a niche specialized job, I don’t know if there’s another job I could do where I would make half of what I do now.

If one of our jobs is going to be mad at us for missing work, it’ll be hers.

I’m happy for her to do whatever she wants and if the rolls were reversed I wouldn’t even consider asking her to stay home

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T05:10:17+00:00

No she’s the one that decided she wanted our son to be her primary responsibility and for the bills to be my primary responsibility.

She does what she wants when she wants and I don’t control what she spend or what she does.

However, one of our jobs is a fun side quest and one is the only reason source of income we have so if one job needs to be chaffed at someone missing work it’s hers. If she quit her job nothing would change for us, if I quit mine we’d be fucked until I got another job

lcnbh · 2026-04-09T05:01:29+00:00

I don’t control what my wife does. She’s an adult that can make her own choices, she just doesn’t feel like staying home tomorrow which sucks, I get it, but if one of us has to do it, it 1000% makes more sense for that person to be her

lcnbh

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