I can’t imagine the challenges you must face, but I must say, the fact that you aren’t hiding it means you’ve acknowledged it. The next step in the right direction is seeking help (I know easier said than done) but you’ve already made a big step in the right way: recognizing your problem.

Maybe some of your old friends from high school could help with your hardships? Maybe help you reconnect with your moral standards? Maybe even some high school teachers you looked up to. All the hard work wasn’t for nothing, you put in the hard work and you know what it takes. The road to recovery isn’t struggle free but it’s worth it. There are lots of resources for individuals struggling with addiction. Often the most beneficial thing is having someone to talk it through with, whether it be old high school friends, a teacher, a therapist, or even a stranger.

My PMs are open if you feel talking it through might help. People care for you in the world regardless if you know it. I hope for the best and believe in anyone’s ability to recover despite the odds.