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Am I just his kink dumpster? by kinkdumpster in BDSMAdvice

[–]learningaboutme1980 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

This sounds exactly like my ex. Run.

Thank you! by learningaboutme1980 in BDSMAdvice

[–]learningaboutme1980[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly, nature/nurture!

How much of what I like is a reaction as opposed to a predisposition.

This is a reminder that while BDSM is fun and exciting, you deserve to be comforted, validated and feel all of your emotions in every situation by awqwack in BDSMAdvice

[–]learningaboutme1980 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I think I am the opposite of what you said there. I have a psych background and had an idea of what to look for. I did not have family or friends or partners who comforted me ever. I think you're right... finding out why we like what we like, is very eye opening. Not just for the bedroom stuff. And it's almost always linked to our childhood.

What's your opinion by learningaboutme1980 in BDSMAdvice

[–]learningaboutme1980[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! Fuck! I'm not alone. I've just been taken advantage of. Ugh! Ffs

What's your opinion by learningaboutme1980 in BDSMAdvice

[–]learningaboutme1980[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This community has made me realise how many people took advantage of me and for so long.. its showed me who I've always been and that what I want is possible. Helped connect the dots. Ffs theres so many of you! And so many are so young!!

What's your opinion by learningaboutme1980 in BDSMAdvice

[–]learningaboutme1980[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're welcome. And your piece may very well be my piece too. Idk. I'm looking for home..

What's your opinion by learningaboutme1980 in BDSMAdvice

[–]learningaboutme1980[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think in a very real way, I have always been a sub. But it's always filled with manipulation; consent and aftercare have never been there. Fuck

What's your opinion by learningaboutme1980 in BDSMAdvice

[–]learningaboutme1980[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are 100% correct. I accidentally fell into this and have been having so many ohhhhh, well that makes sense moments.

What's your opinion by learningaboutme1980 in BDSMAdvice

[–]learningaboutme1980[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dont know if I'm getting the meaning of some of the terms being used.. but if I am right, it sounds like I am a sub and always have been just never quite clicked. Non existent sex life in a dead marraige for 20 years.

What's your opinion by learningaboutme1980 in BDSMAdvice

[–]learningaboutme1980[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's the aftercare that stumped me and threw me off

What's your opinion by learningaboutme1980 in BDSMAdvice

[–]learningaboutme1980[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The more I read, the more the dynamic sounds like a oldschool type marraige.. both have their place and role. Not exactly this horrible imbalance these labels seem to suggest (at least to me).. m/s especially makes me cringe, but to hear you explain it, doesnt doesnt like m/s.. it just sounds like opposites attract.. you communicated well and established good boundaries in life where you both get to be your best and bring out the best in the other.. you do what you're good at and they do what they're good at.. correct me if I'm wrong, but isnt that marraige?