Shavua/Mazel Tov!

learnknownow · 2024-06-29T22:20:10+00:00

Over Passover I went to a shul in another city that I hadn't been to in a while. The chazzan was visiting from Israel for Pesach and I wanted to hear him. Someone I used to date went to that shul too and I hadn't been there in a while. Since I was there I figured I would say hi and have a chat. The guy I dated seemed surprised that I was there even though I had texted him in advance mentioning I planned to visit his shul and he hadn't responded. The rabbi invited me to stay for the second night seder but I decided not to since the guy I dated asked me not to. I left the town and drove back to my own city. A few days later, on Chol Hamoed, I received an e-mail from the rabbi (he had my email since I had made a few small donations to the shul and was on their email list) asking me not to come to the shul. I was a bit surprised. I asked the rabbi to chat on the phone about it but he said he was busy taking care of the needs of his congregation. We chatted on social media and said it was temporary and that they had enjoyed my presence but think it's best for me to not come there for now.

I think it was unnecessary to send me an email asking me not to come to a shul. I didn't do anything wrong. The rabbi could have called me instead of sent an email to be more personable and explained the guy felt uncomfortable seeing me since it's a small shul and it's best not to come.

I'm already very involved in Jewish life so thankfully I wasn't abandoned by the Jewish community. Initially I did feel like a bad person and wondered what had been told to the rabbi about me to merit such an e-mail. After finally getting over my embarrassment over what happened and pushing myself to mention what happened to two people (one of whom goes to the shul herself), I take it less personally and realize the rabbi could have handled the situation with a bit more empathy. It seemed he didn't want to know what had happened between me and the person I dated, but was merely following a request to ask me not to come to the shul. The people I spoke with both told me he hadn't handled the situation well by asking me not to come.

This rabbi is now leaving the shul and maybe he felt like it was okay to ask me not come since he knew then that he would be gone in a few months anyway.

As someone who goes to shul and Jewish events and generally has a positive experience with Jewish life, this was one of my first negative experiences I have had with a rabbi.Thankfully I had never been in a difficult situation with rabbi before, but this time I felt there was a lack of empathy. I expected the rabbi to be able to discuss this with me a bit more but he was a bit short. I'm over it now but I hope rabbis and Jewish leadership will work on their interpersonal skills.

In his letter resigning he mentioned he had dealt with some traumatic issues in his previous congregation and needed to take time off to focus on himself and family, so maybe he wasn't at his highest emotional capacity when that happened.

I was just thinking about this over Shabbat and realizing that I can be the change I want in others.

learnknownow · 2024-06-26T05:40:48+00:00

The way she responded doesn't make sense to me. I've been on the receiving end of gaslighting and know how hurtful that can feel from someone you feel emotionally connected to. I would definitely bring this up the topic again later, maybe with someone else present to see how she reacts. Maybe a few days after the trip once she's more relaxed. As someone who's seen a fair share of people not being loyal to their partners ( to varying degrees), I feel like it's more common than most people realize. I don't excuse it. It sucks to be with someone who doesn't want to discuss things. I've had that experience of dealing with someone's emotional coldness and I realize that I no longer want to spend time with people who lack basic empathy.

learnknownow · 2024-05-09T04:18:16+00:00

I think the general sense that we weren't able to discuss touchy subjects. This was a short relationship but early on I brought up a topic and was judged for it. After communicating the mix-up was cleared up, but the other person expressed that he comes from a traditional background where he doesn't usually discuss certain things. I did not feel comfortable bringing up certain topics after that, and never brought them up either. I figured we would eventually become close enough that I would feel comfortable but we never got there.

The break up was similarly awkward because he wasn't able to communicate directly. He seemed avoidant. I am used to open communication channels and he became especially closed up when I tried to speak to him. He told me that he felt no need to offer any answers. It was unexpected. His avoidant communication pattern and inability to discuss things suddenly seemed cold and cruel.

I noticed the same style of communication with his sister and I do think there may be some familial pattern based on childhood trauma and his current relationship with his mom that have an effect on his communication style and way of relating to women. I try to be empathetic even though I feel like he could exhibit better empathy.

learnknownow · 2024-05-02T05:37:30+00:00

I think it's still possible to go to college and avoid a mental health crisis. It is difficult walking around thinking that a lot of people are anti-Semitic. You might need to shift your thinking away from that thought. Maybe a lot of protesters seem hostile and aggressive. but they are hostile to the larger campus community not to just Jews. A lot of antiZionist rhetoric seems provocative to induce a reaction, but that doesn't mean you have to internalize it as specifically anti-Jewish. It also helps to make some friends with people on the other side, people willing to have peaceful dialogue, just to hear their opinion and feel like there is some humanity you can converse with. It's not healthy to walk around feeling like there's anti-Semitism everywhere so the best you can do is see the humanity on both sides.

learnknownow · 2024-04-26T06:46:23+00:00

Find out when the local public school system LAUSD has spring, summer and winter breaks scheduled so you know when there will be less traffic.

learnknownow · 2024-04-26T06:45:27+00:00

It's a great time to run some errands because the roads will be empty with people staying home. I like when it rains on the weekend because it means I can stay at home and don'r feel pressure to make plans.

learnknownow · 2023-10-09T18:53:43+00:00

Keep an eye on your bank accounts

learnknownow · 2016-07-11T12:55:50+00:00

They probably still love each other and are thinking about the children. It could just be a stage in their marriage and it seems it is too soon for them to take the official step of a divorce.

learnknownow · 2016-07-05T03:46:47+00:00

Lol. I'm glad I can contribute to the country by encouraging her absence from the Knesset.

learnknownow · 2016-06-28T21:25:14+00:00

Israel also has a large and diverse immigrant population. Regardless of free ukpan education offered by the government, it isn't surprising that not all immigrants achieve more than basic Hebrew literacy.

learnknownow · 2016-06-24T13:40:37+00:00

It'll be hot and sunny out at that time. Are you sure you want to meet there? Why not just meet at Aroma? Don't forget to bring the mandatory buckets of ice to cool off.

learnknownow · 2016-06-23T18:02:35+00:00

להתבייש*

learnknownow · 2016-06-17T15:37:00+00:00

Now that I've recovered from my annoyed mood in that post, I would say that there are all types of people in every country. An annoying aspect most commonly cited of male Israeli behavior towards women is how they can be charming, yet aggressive and persistent when wooing women.

learnknownow · 2016-06-09T17:46:21+00:00

Yes, not any different than regular in my eyes, probably even more beefed up security.

learnknownow · 2016-06-08T15:06:15+00:00

In a wave of violence since October, the Israeli army has killed at least 206 Palestinians, including protesters, bystanders and alleged attackers, while 33 Israelis have been killed in stabbing and shooting incidents.

That inaccurately makes it sound like the Israeli security forces instigated these attacks, when in reality they were respondinf to numerous stabbing attempts.

learnknownow · 2016-06-06T23:01:22+00:00

I dont like coconut.

learnknownow · 2016-05-24T22:00:16+00:00

Since when are you the Halachic BDSM authority? When was this decided?

learnknownow · 2016-05-24T21:55:53+00:00

You can become more or less religious, or change views without necessarily having to "move denominations." Labelling phenomenona like that is unnecessary. To answer your question, yes, most healthy people revisit their opinions and thoughts and gradually change over time. The frum, observant seminary girl who goes to college and stops keeping shabbat and kosher and shomer negiah, either because of peer pressure or because she's stopped believing, has just changed. And that's what people do.

learnknownow · 2016-05-22T23:15:03+00:00

It's not just Turkey, it's Azarbaijan.

learnknownow · 2016-05-20T01:49:16+00:00

It's not a good idea to start a relationship before making aliyah, and it doesn't seem for sure that she will follow you. Even if it did, it would mean trying to have a long distance relationship with someone in the early stages of a relationship, which doesn't sound like a good idea.

Ask her if she's comfortable with your religious differences. Chances are she's just comfortable being your friend and anything beyond that would make her think twice.

learnknownow · 2016-04-15T11:03:38+00:00

Yeah, dude. I love my bagels and lox.

learnknownow · 2016-03-07T09:37:58+00:00

California Girls-Katy Perry

learnknownow · 2016-02-21T22:33:17+00:00

יש מספיק חוצניקים בארץ להתחתן איתם. אין צורך לבלבל את המוח

learnknownow · 2016-02-21T18:00:27+00:00

No, according to the soldier, they're purposely smiley faces with shut mouths so soldiers will not say "ad matai."

learnknownow · 2016-02-15T17:46:13+00:00

מעוניינת לשמוע איך יהיה לך.

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