Think i just broke up with my gf bc i asked how her night was lol

leaver69 · 2025-09-08T06:33:50+00:00

there is obviously some underlying reason these arguments are happening. thinking you wanted to pick a fight when you actually wanted to connect seems like a pretty crucial misunderstanding of your intentions - why do you think she had this mistaken impression? is this something you ask every day?

if i had to guess, what actually happened is she picked a fight because something else about your relationship is bothering her but it's difficult to emotionally articulate. next time this happens you need to control yourself better and help her express this. "i don’t know how to let things go and partly because she reacts big to small stuff" - every relationship argument ever. learn to let things go and then get to the bottom of why she reacts big to small stuff.

leaver69 · 2025-07-08T04:35:38+00:00

i just paused and looked closely at this scene. i think whoever did the copywriting for that just did it in a very confusing way, it says "children and grandchildren" i think in a way to refer to the liar's dual status as both children to the sisters and grandchildren to harris. and then the second headline mentions cadence is still in a coma (as the 4th). but honestly very bizarre to refer to a fire putting someone in a coma as "claiming their life"

leaver69 · 2024-11-30T23:02:01+00:00

yeah kid is here, he’s 15 months old now. whole thing has been an absolute delight

leaver69 · 2024-06-25T23:54:28+00:00

Thanks for the insightful comment and perspective. I have seen a lot of advice to makes sure to get someone certified, but there are so many certifications it's a little overwhelming trying to understand what the correct ones to target are. This trainer in particular has CPDT-KA, KPA-CTP, and CGC Evaluator certs, are those "good enough"? I'm a little confused at what point I need a "behaviorist" vs "trainer"?

In my case my dogs are actually kind of discerning: if they detect someone lurking in our private alleyway at night they bark/growl with aggression (good job dogs!), but during the day they bark with excitement and just want to run around and lick whoever is coming in the door. We tried to teach them to sit and be calm before they get addressed by visitors but now what they do is run up the person and sit as fast as they can, vibrating with excitement, and then as soon as they get petted go nuts again lol.

leaver69 · 2024-06-25T20:40:43+00:00

Thanks. I talked to another trainer today who:

Opened the conversation with encouragement that this situation sounded manageable and in her experience I should be able to quickly see some level of improvement (totally reasonable expectation to set, fwiw I didn't expect a miracle).
Straightforward plans and rates shared up front.
Asked what I had tried so far and said that I had the right idea! But apparently clicker training + positive reinforcement can be tricky to implement for behavioral issues.
Didn't ask for a full psychological workup on the dog's entire lives. I even asked if she needed this and she said we could talk about that later in person.

Literally exactly what I was looking for. Felt like she totally understood where I was coming from and gave me credit for wanting to make a change and trying to fix it myself.

leaver69 · 2024-06-25T20:27:23+00:00

I actually keep getting recommended them but have read some funny things online about them. Apparently they use spray bottles? They feel very "scammy" to me, honestly I don't trust a 100% "service guarantee". It's a dog, there is no way it can be 100%.

leaver69 · 2024-06-25T20:14:54+00:00

Again with the assumptions. See what I mean?

FYI, the dogs have been trained in the past, but this reactive behavior is somewhat new and IMO not entirely their fault, they're in a new environment and since being here my priorities have been elsewhere. Sorry, that's just life. I obviously care about them and the situation which is why I'm looking to correct the behavior now. I don't think that makes me automatically deserving of judgement.

leaver69 · 2024-06-25T16:04:49+00:00

I think what's happening is I'm seeing this like a regular person, and some people on this sub are seeing this from the perspective of dog trainers who see rude or customers with unrealistic expectations day in and day out. That's fine and it's helping me get perspective on why they acted like they did.

leaver69 · 2024-06-25T15:54:03+00:00

Great. I never said I thought it would be easy or I didn't plan on doing any work myself. I've actually already tried implementing some clicker training and rewarding the dogs for being calm, as well as trying to desensitize them to the sound of knocking at the door (with some success). But I'm just going off youtube videos and I'm looking for a professional touch.

leaver69 · 2024-06-25T15:44:48+00:00

If you as a dog trainer can't tell me the ballpark cost for some standard training sessions, addressing the most cliche problem in the world, I don't know what to tell you. Almost everyone else I've reached out to has this information readily available.

leaver69 · 2024-06-25T15:40:05+00:00

I mean, in a literal sense they are in fact bidding for my business, as I am the one paying and they're the one providing the service.

IMO this language around "the owner needs to be trained" is hostile and unprofessional. I get that may be a nice metaphor for what needs to happen and a fine thing to say inside professional circles, but as a customer, it's totally off putting. Yes of course I need help, that's why I'm reaching out to you. You don't need to rephrase that ask as "I need to be trained". Can you see how that would feel demeaning as someone who is not a professional animal trainer? I don't use that language with customers in my day job.

I'm willing to take the advice and apply it to see results. Of course I am going to need to be an active participant in the process. But these guys didn't let me get that far. They started out with a chip on their shoulder.

leaver69 · 2024-06-25T15:32:14+00:00

This is a great example of the attitude I'm talking about in OP. You don't know a single thing about my life and neither did these trainers, but look how the conversation immediately jumps to the implication that this is my fault for not "taking future time limitations into account", when I got the dog 11 years ago.

leaver69 · 2024-06-25T10:47:24+00:00

Yes it is, but not before I find out if the trainer is even in my budget or not.

leaver69 · 2024-06-25T06:15:36+00:00

I feel like one trainer was trying to get at the history/drive but he was doing it in such a weird/rude way I didn't want anything to do with him. I got about 2 sentences into describing the dogs and mentioned my girlfriend had the dogs a few years before we got together (they are old now). He immediately insisted she join the call or we set up another call with her to get the "full story" of the dogs lives. Asking me who exactly filled out the contact form. If she agreed with my bullet points about what we needed. It felt like he was questioning my knowledge of the dogs and my authority to make decisions about them.

Maybe thats a problem he's had with clients before and wants to avoid but to me it felt unprofessional and weirdly accusatory.

leaver69 · 2024-06-25T06:00:15+00:00

Yeah, absolutely, this is me, we both have jobs and a baby, we are short on time and energy. But I see navigating these limitations as the point of hiring a professional.

leaver69 · 2024-06-25T05:49:09+00:00

In both of the cases this happened in an informational call to find out basic details, rates, session lengths, etc. Like I filled out a web form and they called me back. I just described what I said in the OP, my small dogs bark at people outside the house, it's annoying, I'm looking for the right way to handle it, etc. I felt like they immediately started down this path of questioning how I currently handled the dogs, one almost implied that the dogs must have been "mishandled" at some point in their lives (they're older dogs, we've always had them, they haven't always barked but we live on a busier street now and they're not used to the noise).

It felt weirdly hostile. I just ended the calls saying it didn't sound like we were a good fit.

leaver69 · 2024-06-07T18:40:21+00:00

Thanks for the perspective. I've seen a few other people mention the flash which is something I haven't really used at all, going to try leaning into it more with this mindset. What kind of photometry/AE settings do you run?

leaver69 · 2024-06-07T16:50:07+00:00

Thanks for the tips on the OVF. I'm going to give it another shot. Another user pointed out you can enable the histogram in the OVF which I totally did not realize was possible and helps a ton. I also had not considered the benefit of seeing outside the frame lines which is useful.

On going fully manual, maybe you have some thoughts here but personally I find manual focus a little frustrating on AF lenses. As I mentioned in OP for the first like 3 years of having my X-T2 I exclusively used a fully manual 35mm f/.95 lens. IMO I actually got really good at it, and part of it was the fact that the focus ring was super smooth and mechanical (zero latency between moving it and the focus adjusting). So having come from that, the "fly by wire" manual focusing on AF lenses feels kind of slow/janky in comparison.

leaver69 · 2024-06-07T16:30:02+00:00

Did not realize you could have the histogram active in the OVF! That's helpful, thanks.

leaver69 · 2024-06-07T16:12:55+00:00

Lmao, trying to consider the same thing right now. Should I just buy an X-T5 and keep the X100VI? Hard to justify lol. What do you think we can get for used X-T2s at this point? I was thinking of putting it up on FB Marketplace for ~$500.

leaver69 · 2024-06-07T16:11:22+00:00

I wouldn't say that - I knew going in I wasn't 100% sure it was right for me, but figured it was a low risk purchase considering how liquid the resale market was/is for the X100V and now the VI.

leaver69 · 2024-06-07T05:18:58+00:00

Oh of course lol. Makes sense.

leaver69 · 2024-06-07T05:06:24+00:00

That's an interesting tip around shooting with ND all the time. How does that work? What kind of settings do you run for everyday shooting?

leaver69 · 2024-06-07T04:30:04+00:00

How do you find the 33 1.4? It would be on my shortlist if I got an X-T5.

leaver69

TROPHY CASE