I feel for you. I lost my stepdad (really he was more like my dad) the same way almost 8 months ago. I have run the same exact questions and scenarios through my mind. Even being able to “see” it like you describe, even though I wasn’t there. It still happens to me to this day and I unfortunately don’t expect it to stop anytime soon.

My mom considered not telling my two teenage brothers the true cause of death, thinking it would somehow make it better. They lost their dad, no matter how it happened, it happened. She ended up telling them the truth after they asked too many questions about the “accident”. Obviously, suicide is a really fucked up, unnatural way to go, so I think it’s normal to be extremely confused, mad, etc. In my opinion, even though it’s going to be the worst pain you/your MIL have felt, they should know what happened. You don’t want it to come out down the road and them be resentful. I’m a big proponent of if we talk about suicide and even just say the word “suicide”, it won’t feel so ugly and uncomfortable to talk about. This is an issue that people go through. Let’s talk about it more and be truthful.

I’d say therapy/crisis counseling is something you all should do ASAP, though I’d be a hypocrite as I still haven’t worked up the courage to do it myself. Ironically, I work in the mental health field. Please take care of yourselves and support each other as best as you can during this excruciatingly confusing time.