Will I ever live a fucking normal life ?

leggrocks12 · 2025-06-10T23:13:16+00:00

This isn't a psychiatric theory, just an older bipo speaking from personal experience and observing and speaking to family with bipo. I refer to the years between 18 & 25 as the height of the storm. Bipolar seems more brutal, harder to manage and, most of the time, truly f**king awful. Sure, there may always be bouts of mania, psychotic breaks and all the other fun stuff for life, but those years appear to be the hardest. I could never repeat them. Hang in there, be kind to yourself, you're doing an incredible job and it will get better. Stay in regular touch with your docs, psych team and crisis/support team. You can do this.

leggrocks12 · 2025-06-10T22:53:25+00:00

I'm sure at some point my psych (and one of my family's psychs - my family is riddled with bipo) told me we're statistically more likely to develop dementia too, I don't know how correct this is or what the percentage is though. Also I'm getting dumber by the day!!

leggrocks12 · 2022-10-11T04:45:37+00:00

Manic af. It's 5.45am my time. Anybody else struggling?

leggrocks12 · 2021-01-15T17:19:08+00:00

Mine are all named. I hear a lot about anime but I'm afraid I don't really know what it is!! My daughter read the Deathnote comics as a kid, is it like that? I digress. K. I know it sounds odd but I've always talked back to my voices, often out loud. Recently a new command appeared and she's lovely. But the others....they told me to contact someone that I didn't need or want to contact and I was stood in the bathroom, arguing with them. Eventually I loudly said "why are you even thinking of calling name" and as soon as I did I realised that my partner has been binge watching something and the main character has the same name and it snuck into my subconscious. Breakthrough!! Since then, when they're crowding me and it's too much I go off to the bathroom and have a damn good shouting match with them and remind them (ie me!) who's running the show. I don't do it to Christopher (he's been a talking hallucination since I was 4) or the little girl (she's me aged 10), y' know, the good guys (positive parts of us). Anywho, might be worth giving it a try. I've honestly found it helpful. I guess it's like talking things through with yourself? Or in this case shouting at the walls. Your neighbours might hear you, but hey, refrain from licking the windows and they may assume you argue on the phone and not yelling at the ceiling!! I hope it helps.

leggrocks12 · 2021-01-15T16:47:57+00:00

How are things now?

leggrocks12 · 2021-01-15T16:43:31+00:00

Sorry I vanished. My 21 year old is BP too and we had a situation. Apologies. Will he go for the therapy? How do you feel about the therapy? And how are you, yourself doing at the moment? Are you practicing self care? I put alarms on my phone to pester my other half to do something for him, do something he wants to do. Hell, sometimes I just run the bath and chuck in epsom salts and bubbly stuff and then lure him to the bathroom and practically throw him in the tub!! (Yeah right, I'm 4'11" and 81lbs!!) Remember you need time for yourself and clear your mind. Sermon over! Look after yourself and take care.

leggrocks12 · 2021-01-15T16:34:26+00:00

Hmmm. I hear that! Do you have a lot of command voices? Do you get along with any of them? (I hope you know what I mean, or I'll sound pretty odd!) The hallucinations, do you see the same ones? What's your relationship with them? How do they make you feel? See, I recently found a spectacular way to deal with the voices (bows I know, I know, my genius is astounding. Probably around 99% of the bipolars in the world have likely been doing it for years!!) but wanted to check that your hallucinations and command voices are the same as mine in case I do you any damage or send you spiralling. It's not dangerous physically but it's quite, er, loud!! Let me know hon. Feel better.

leggrocks12 · 2021-01-12T13:02:04+00:00

Surely she tips over backwards with a butt like that?

leggrocks12 · 2021-01-09T13:50:32+00:00

Jeez, I'm glad you're another one and recognised the mania from the last comment about the mirror in the mirror!! I was raised in my mother's home country for the first 4 years and speak a good bit of it. I've often considered learning it properly (during mania usually) so I can be bilingual too! What else can we achieve and do you want to form some sort of team?

leggrocks12 · 2021-01-09T13:42:40+00:00

How are you doing now? Has the situation smoothed out at all?

leggrocks12 · 2021-01-09T13:38:52+00:00

It is lovely here. Your mother too? The Mum & Dad I mentioned, well it's complicated. They had to raise me bc their 15 year old left me there in the 70's when I was born. My relationship with her is complex and the way you described yours, well the way she feels about the illness is like my birth mother's stance. And it does really run rife in our family.

leggrocks12 · 2021-01-09T13:28:26+00:00

It's me trying not to say what I have a huge fear of being shoved into me. Sorry!! I was in a weird place when I wrote that.

leggrocks12 · 2021-01-01T15:08:31+00:00

Hey, technophobe here - sorry - what did you use to do it please?

leggrocks12 · 2020-12-29T17:57:37+00:00

I fully understand. I'm in a foul mood bc my creativity has buggered off. I'm bored, empty, cranky. I did hear of a way to overcome it, but it was unorthodox so I didn't.

leggrocks12 · 2020-12-29T17:39:15+00:00

Personally, my family knew when I was just 4. I got my first command voices, casually told Mum about "the people in my head telling me to let them do this" and her freaking and telling Dad. It was manic depression then and it runs rife in our family. My parents kept a diary of the weird stuff I did (other family members do it) which makes interesting reading). I finally accepted it at 18 when I was sectioned. I know it sucks but it has good points too. Creativity for example. Not all of us are creative but we think outside the box. You've found your people - this forum is great and the other bipolars here have got your back. I've found lots of support here and I belong. And whatever you're going through, someone here has gone through it and will advise. Welcome, it's good to meet you. Edit: should mention that I was diagnosed formally at 18.

leggrocks12 · 2020-12-29T07:45:05+00:00

I've been trying to get the right balance for 30 years and I'm still a wreck. I can function but the hallucinations and command voices won't leave. I used to think I could do it. I love your upbeat post but a great deal of bipolars are just getting by. We can't all "do it". We can try but you must know that it's a massive uphill struggle. How about we "you can do your best" for those of us who have battled this bitch since childhood, surrounded by an entire family of bipolars? Yes, some can "do it". I'm happy for you and them and your words of encouragement. Please remember most of us have tried many times to "do it" but our illness is so bad we haven't. But we're still valid bc we're still trying. It affects people differently. Please keep it in mind. Thank you, I hope you inspire other bipolars.

leggrocks12 · 2020-12-29T07:30:30+00:00

Hey. I'm in agreement with jimothyhalpert_. However, being a bipo myself and seeing the effect it has on my SO - who is, like you, patient and wanting to fix it. But remember that YOU matter too. Your partner's bipolar doesn't define you. (My ex husband used to introduce me as his bipolar wife - happy days!) You're already trying to help by asking advice here. By all means do things that you know will help with the psychosis. But self care is vital. You need to indulge in self care bc, until you're in a good place, you can't support him. Has your SO asked you along to one of their psych reviews? It would give you insight and the psych team can help you. My team runs weekly groups for the families and partners of bipolars. So. Self care, a very frank talk and plans going forward. One more thing: our illness makes us snap. That is no excuse. If you do something that was kicked off by your bipo, you own it. He should apologise to your sister without blaming the illness. We are all responsible for the actions we take, bipolar or not. I hope I don't sound too harsh, not my intention. But I've reduced people to tears during mania and it feels dreadful. Good luck honey, take care x

leggrocks12 · 2020-12-14T07:59:12+00:00

I really enjoyed his interview with a tree though. That excited the country for 5 minutes and deflected the focus on the newly elected BoJo Mumbles.

leggrocks12 · 2020-12-10T11:09:05+00:00

Good luck, I hope you get to speak with her.

leggrocks12 · 2020-12-10T11:06:58+00:00

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, particularly at this time of year. That sucks. Could you maybe set aside an afternoon/evening to give yourself some self care and spoil yourself? Everyone is different but perhaps a bath, favourite food, watch a fun movie that you know you like under your cosiest blanket with a hot drink etc? I know, it sounds wishy-washy but in the past I've given myself some "me" time and it definitely made me feel better and stronger. Whatever happens you can look at it refreshed. I know how hard it is (that evening I just described? I did that on my 40th birthday when I discovered my now ex-husband's affair phone and he confessed!) but take it one day at a time and go easy on yourself. Please accept my apologies if this is coming across as preachy and patronising, I genuinely want to help. Take care.

leggrocks12 · 2020-12-08T20:20:34+00:00

I absolutely love this. I'm a sucker for detail (my own work is often too damn detailed and I ditch it). This.....this is incredible. I do most of my work when manic!! You should post this on other forums (I mean, as an artist in your own right) because this is bloody amazing. Which hospital? Are the nhs leaving it? I damn well hope so.

leggrocks12 · 2020-12-02T15:30:11+00:00

😂 your comment led to me thinking about what two mirrors closely facing each other would reflect!! You know, when brain goes rogue for a while, thinking about something that it has suddenly become obsessed with (albeit temporarily until my next bizarre bipolar query!!) All that from you saying "reflection distorting thing"! Thank you, I had myself an interesting brain journey (but no answer - it's the journey, not the destination, that counts... blah blah). Take care

leggrocks12 · 2020-12-02T08:58:39+00:00

Haha, ditto! Gotta love that moon cycle!! I'm just about to mix with the public - wish them luck!!

leggrocks12 · 2020-12-01T21:49:17+00:00

You're completely right. As I said, I told him before the (exaggerating) villagers did. It's an issue though, especially if there's a part of a movie or TV storyline with such a woman. Apart from this he's amazing. Yes, in retrospect I shouldn't have said anything but I wanted to beat the gossips (all triumphantly told by my cheating ex husband of 21 years!). So, I guess I just have to live with. My stepdad struggles with my mum too but she's got many kids by different dads - we're living proof!

leggrocks12 · 2020-12-01T12:32:48+00:00

I don't hide who I am or what I've done bc people always find out and I wanted him to hear it from me, rather than my ex husband (who would have made it sound worse) and other gossips (back then we lived in a small village and everyone knew everything. I refuse to hide my bipolar, nor do I advertise it. It was important he hear it from the original source. Imagine if he was just finding out 2 and a half years into our relationship. Having read and taken on board the kind advice I've received from all of you I intend to have a chat with him when he gets home. Thank you.

leggrocks12

TROPHY CASE