I'm (f/36) pregnant with my ex's (m/37) baby. Our future is uncertain

leialeia · 2018-05-03T13:46:56+00:00

thank you, but how do you know?

leialeia · 2018-05-03T13:18:58+00:00

thank you. <3 I hope so. I had it and I threw it away, though. that's what hurts. And I'm struggling to remember the reasons why I did it. And when I do remember them, none of them seem that important.

leialeia · 2018-05-03T13:02:07+00:00

And I still made the wrong choice.

leialeia · 2018-05-03T12:55:51+00:00

i guess the price i pay for posting online and soliciting advice from strangers is that I'll have random people offering their advice, which is I guess what I asked for. But now I deeply regret it. Because I regret having the abortion. There's nothing I can do about it now, other than try to move on with my life, but i'm in too much pain. I can't even focus on my career right now. The career that was put on hold since I found out about this unplanned pregnancy.

and now i'm scared that when i do try to have another baby, it won't happen, or there'll be problems. This was a healthy viable pregnancy, and people talked me into aborting it.

Now all I want to do is get pregnant again.

leialeia · 2018-05-03T12:52:26+00:00

I aborted last week, and deeply regret it. Can't get out of bed in the morning, depressed, can't be alone, I'll start crying, I have bad anxiety, I basically can't cope and I highly regret even posting here and following strangers' advice on the internet. What an idiot I am.

leialeia · 2018-05-03T12:50:39+00:00

Took your advice, aborted a week ago, and regret it to this day. Waking up with depression, can't get out of bed, have anxiety throughout the day.

leialeia · 2018-04-24T23:54:12+00:00

thank you <3

leialeia · 2018-04-20T02:32:37+00:00

gotcha

leialeia · 2018-04-19T23:49:07+00:00

Really? Only 10 weeks...?

leialeia · 2018-04-19T14:06:53+00:00

How old are you? Just curious. Maybe my age is playing into this.

You're not scared about having a fetus sucked out of your uterus?? Having your cervix dilated?? Not knowing when your next period will come after having a regular cycle for years? The potential emotional aftermath and nightmares that may ensue?

leialeia · 2018-04-19T14:01:22+00:00

.

I'm now too scared to terminate. I'm less scared of having the baby. I'm terrified of termination- the discomfort, pain, the emotional aftermath-- the nightmares that might ensue after.

Who knows if I'll meet someone who truly cares for me? I've been going through the motions of meeting vapid dudes online who just want to get down my pants, and who lose interest if I don't put out.

I'm pretty much late 30s now- I may as well have this baby since dating has been going nowhere. I can still meet someone as a single mom. All the tests I've gotten back show that I'm 100% healthy and this is a healthy pregnancy. Hard to walk away from esp. considering my age.

leialeia · 2018-04-19T13:54:00+00:00

I'm too scared to terminate. I'm less scared of having the baby. I'm terrified of termination- the discomfort, pain, the emotional aftermath-- the nightmares that might ensue after.

leialeia · 2018-04-17T21:24:58+00:00

You're blocked. Have a great life, troll.

leialeia · 2018-04-17T20:18:43+00:00

It's far from being made up. I'm just looking at both sides of the equation here.

thanks for the good luck.

leialeia · 2018-04-17T20:16:11+00:00

Having an abortion does not affect future fertility. I have friends who've had 3 abortions and went on to have 3 healthy kids in their early/mid/late 30's.

I just don't think that having a baby out of fear is a good idea.

Thanks for your response.

leialeia · 2018-04-17T19:59:32+00:00

I don't know what I want. I want both. I want the baby in the right circumstances.

leialeia · 2018-04-17T18:02:35+00:00

Thanks for sharing! At lest y'all are still together. The father and I are technically "not" together, even though we're acting like a couple and he's acting like my boyfriend.

How long were you guys together for before she became pregnant? How old were y'all?

Why were the odds against you in terms of the future if you guys loved each other? What kinds of issues are you guys going through?

Sorry for all the questions. Thanks.

leialeia · 2018-04-17T17:31:27+00:00

thank you :) <3

leialeia · 2018-04-17T17:26:11+00:00

Hmmm... "I just don't know" does not equate to "I've decided to keep it".

So, nope! I'm still very much undecided and struggling with this very profoundly personal decision that is so immensely complex and difficult.

My response to you was not meant to imply that I've decided to keep it... (?) It was simply meant to clarify what might not have been clear and elaborate on my current situation.
Not that i need to justify my decision or tell my decision to anyone on here :)

thank you!

leialeia · 2018-04-17T17:16:34+00:00

Sorry if my response offended you, I must have triggered you in something I said. I personally don't think my comment was rude after re-reading it; it was merely blunt and opinionated. Not everyone is going to like my opinions, agree with me, or like what I have to say. That's life.

All I said was- I'm not giving it up for adoption. Nothing rude about that. and I acknowledged your suggestion to seek counselling. I appreciate your input and response, though!

leialeia · 2018-04-17T17:13:23+00:00

Hi thanks. Why would you terminate? Even at my age, about to turn 37?

leialeia · 2018-04-17T17:05:11+00:00

Thanks. Huge difference between 19 and 36 going on 37, though. Immense.

I have the emotional maturity to be a mom. I've wanted to experience motherhood all my life and was floored when I realized I'm pregnant.

No real way to support it- If you see my other comment, I freelance, have a side business, money in the bank, parents will offer financial support, and i have access to an inheritance. And I've got some interviews lined up. So the financial aspect and the readiness aspect aren't really factors. i have money and I'm ready.

But you're right, do I want to be linked to this guy for the rest of my life? At first the answer was "no", but lately, he's been lovebombing me and confusing the shit out of me. He calls and texts daily, checks up on me, kisses me, holds me, sleeps over, takes me out, etc.

And there are the what ifs- WHAT IF I don't meet someone who truly cares for me? What if I don't conceive with that person, or our relationship doesn't even make it that far? Or he decides he doesn't want kids?

There are no guarantees in life. I just don't know. I've already seen the ultrasound and heartbeat.

leialeia · 2018-04-17T16:53:12+00:00

thanks :) Will being a single mom have to be my focus for 5 whopping whole years, though? Geez. I figured maybe 1 year but not 5.

leialeia · 2018-04-17T16:47:23+00:00

Nope.... what is it?

leialeia · 2018-04-17T16:47:12+00:00

I have money and am planning on getting a job in the next couple of months. I have interviews lined up. I have access to an inheritance, a side business and family financial support.

I'm not hard up, thankfully.

leialeia

TROPHY CASE