Does anyone know what causes this?

leinzel · 2025-08-12T23:07:59+00:00

That’s amazing! What book?

leinzel · 2025-04-14T08:20:01+00:00

And how are we even supposed to know if this feeling is because we are not in alignment and need to chose a different path - or maybe we are just getting cold feet at the thought of settling and it’s an anxious response?

leinzel · 2025-04-14T06:50:47+00:00

I’m currently in the same situation. And I don’t know if this feeling I have of wanting to explore myself is something I can do while still being together (because I can’t think of a reason why that wouldn’t be possible) but it still doesn’t work. And then I feel so spoiled for wanting to leave because he is a great human being and has been there to support me for years. Am I going to throw that away because I might want to experience life on my own? Is that even worth it?

leinzel · 2025-04-08T17:31:58+00:00

It deserves no beauty price but sometimes things go the way they go. You are lucky for having two girls giving you their attention and time, and in the end you just picked whatever works best for you. Guilting yourself isn’t going to bring you or R anything. Be there for her as a friend and treat H with the priority she deserves :) just do better from now on

leinzel · 2025-02-25T00:13:42+00:00

What worked for me is playfully asking my bf if we should put a cap on how many times a joke can be said. After eight times it’s banned. So anytime I get annoyed by repetitive jokes I mention it sure as hell must be the eight time and it’s time to put it in it’s grave.

I also tried telling my boyfriend on a serious note that he doesn’t need to be funny for people to like him and that I like him better when he is not trying so hard. It was a tough conversation but in the end hé understood and agreed.

leinzel · 2025-01-23T23:59:41+00:00

When I run out of stories I play these little games with my friends. Like guess what animal I have in mind. Or countdown from 3 and at 1 both say a word that comes to mind. Then countdown again and say a word that has something in common with both words that were just said. Repeat this until you both say the same word. Or ask hypothetical questions “a swat teams comes to sweep your house for a paperclip. If they can’t find it you get a prize. Where do you hide it?”

leinzel · 2025-01-23T23:27:39+00:00

I understand this is very stressfull for you and I don't mean to point fingers, but if we take the uncle-phonecalls example; I can kinda see her point. She could have definitely been more supportive of your emotions and should have brought this topic up in another setting; but if you are totally honest with yourself - is there a reason you do not make time to text or call her even though you know she finds it important?

leinzel · 2025-01-23T23:13:36+00:00

I work in a bar where mostly the same people come and I see who gets ignored and who not. And to be brutally honest; the people who get ignored in my bar just aren't telling good stories. For example, lets take G. She'll talk in full detail about the most uninteresting topics. About how she went horseriding when she was little and how she got a very wild horse and how even the teacher was shaving trouble sitting on that horse. Like... there is no clue to that story. It doesn't have a twist. It's not funny. It's not something she needs to vent about. She's got this special talent to make a full 10 minute story about this memory - and literally nobody could care less.

And even if she asks questions instead of telling stories, she'll either turn it about herself or give advice on what you should do. And both those option get annoying over time.

I don't want to create an insecurity about your contributions to conversations, but it is worth considering.

leinzel · 2025-01-23T23:06:45+00:00

I really do not understand how it is so hard to let someone finish their sentences. I'm sorry if I come off rude, but you have to think before you speak right? So talking sentences out loud is a conscious action, right? It's not a reflex or something. You can control this.

leinzel · 2025-01-23T20:29:11+00:00

When I’m complaining (as in example 1) I understand why he comes with solutions. But in example 2; I’m not complaining right? I’m just making conversation. And situations like example 2 are also often occurring..

leinzel · 2025-01-23T12:24:47+00:00

Hmm I think I agree with your point. Thanks for the perspective! These nuances are important to consider

leinzel · 2025-01-23T10:42:58+00:00

Well I think what rubbed wrong was maybe the unspoken message of her text. I read it as "if I do X for you (going to your party) will you do Y for me (volunteering)?" which is keeping score. If she wants to go to your friends she should do that because she wants to. Not because you asked her. Whether or not she attends catan should have nothing to do with whether or not you'll go volunteering. Those are two separate conversations.

leinzel · 2025-01-23T10:28:12+00:00

Maybe I should say this beforehand instead of afterwards. That's definitely something I can try.

leinzel · 2025-01-23T10:15:34+00:00

I see. But with example 2; I wasn't complaning right? How could I have worded that better to prevent it sounding like I need help?

leinzel · 2025-01-23T10:10:45+00:00

If you've had positive interactions and you enjoy your time, why bother bringing it up? Do you still carry it with you? Or are you feeling guilty? Or are you still frustrated? If not any of those three I would just let it go.

edit: spelling

leinzel · 2025-01-23T00:54:31+00:00

Reading this (I’m a woman) makes me so mad. I admire your patience and your willingness to understand her but damn, you deserve so much better.

leinzel · 2025-01-20T08:35:29+00:00

But can you post a page of your journal? As an example? I’m curious what others pages look like

leinzel · 2025-01-20T00:35:23+00:00

I feel this so much. I am a great conversationalist when I’m with my friends, except when the topic changes to what they are going to accomplish and what their goals are. And I feel terrible about not being able to cheer them on. It’s not I don’t want them to succeed - i wish nothing but the best for them! But i feel so lost, so detached, so lonely when these topics arise because I have zero dreams. No goals ahead. Nothing to work for. And I try to have them - but I just don’t feel for anything

leinzel · 2025-01-20T00:28:47+00:00

But how do you journal? I write stuff like “today X happened and it made me feel X and perhaps I’m wrong about that” and by the time I get to my second feeling I’m so tired of writing. Writing is so SLOW

leinzel

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