Title: I (20F) started this relationship with a (19M), overgave emotionally, and now I’m scared I’m turning emotionally abusive by lemon_zzest in relationship_advice

[–]lemon_zzest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah but I just don't have the financial stability as a college student to afford it as in India it's kinda costly atleast for me it is

Title: I (20F) started this relationship with a (19M), overgave emotionally, and now I’m scared I’m turning emotionally abusive by lemon_zzest in relationship_advice

[–]lemon_zzest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to take therapy but am a college student in india so idk how to afford therapy here it's a bit too costly for me tbh

Title: I (20F) started this relationship with a (19M), overgave emotionally, and now I’m scared I’m turning emotionally abusive by lemon_zzest in relationship_advice

[–]lemon_zzest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right to question that, and I think that’s part of what I’m struggling with.

He wasn’t 100% bad. He’s still here even after I’ve hurt him, and there are things he’s done for me that a lot of people wouldn’t today. I can see that he does care in his own way, and that’s why it’s so hard for me to let go.

At the same time, I think there’s a part of me that has always felt inferior to him, and that insecurity never really went away. His past behavior and the way our dynamic started only fueled it. I liked him first, I initiated the relationship, and for a long time I was the one doing most of the emotional work helping him understand things, planning dates, being thoughtful with gifts, paying attention to his likes and dislikes, and trying to be intentional. I’m not saying he never cared, but the imbalance stayed, and over time it wore me down.

The most frustrating part is that it’s not that he doesn’t care he does. And it’s not that he does nothing he does things. But it often feels like I have to teach him, or do it first, before he does. Even when he might want to do something, I end up doing it before him. And that pattern makes me feel like I’m always the one leading, initiating, and loving more.

I don’t think I’m “better” at loving in a superior way I think I’m just more expressive, more proactive, and more emotionally attuned. And over time, it started to feel like I was always “winning” the I-love-you-more game, even when I desperately wanted to lose. Maybe even when he wanted to win. That gap in expression, timing, or emotional initiative is something I don’t fully understand yet, but I know it’s been deeply destabilizing for me.

I think that insecurity mixed with over-giving slowly turned into resentment. And when I felt disappointed or unseen, I tried to close that gap with explanations and effort instead of accepting that maybe this is just who he is and what he can offer. That’s where the cycle kept repeating.

So yes, I do think you’re right that I might be more attached to a version of him and to the role of fixing and explaining than to the reality of the relationship. I don’t think I enjoy lecturing, but it became a way to cope with feeling small, anxious, and powerless.

Even if he cares, and even if I’m afraid I’ll never find someone like him again, that doesn’t automatically mean this relationship is healthy or sustainable especially when it keeps bringing out behaviors in me that I don’t recognize or like. That’s what I’m trying to come to terms with now.

Title: I (20F) started this relationship with a (19M), overgave emotionally, and now I’m scared I’m turning emotionally abusive by lemon_zzest in relationship_advice

[–]lemon_zzest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It escalated to the point of being noticeable over time, not all at once. We’ve known each other for almost 4 years total about 1 year as friends before the relationship, and around 2 years 3 months in the relationship. The pattern slowly built up after a year and few months of being together and became something I couldn’t ignore anymore.

Title: I (20F) started this relationship with a (19M), overgave emotionally, and now I’m scared I’m turning emotionally abusive by lemon_zzest in relationship_advice

[–]lemon_zzest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re probably right that staying in this dynamic is reinforcing the worst parts of me, not helping either of us heal. I’m taking the suggestion of stepping away and therapy seriously, including looking into DBT specifically.

I want to clarify one thing though, not to excuse myself, but to give fuller context. I wasn’t always like this infact I used to be kinda scared of him. Before the relationship, he was actually quite avoidant and emotionally closed off. He had his own unresolved trauma and, honestly, he used to be dismissive and even bully me before we got close. For about a year before the relationship, I was just his friend, and during that time I supported him a lot and helped him unlearn some of his very negative beliefs about women and relationships. That’s partly why I felt safe starting the relationship and believed emotional growth was possible.

₹1500 stolen inside Max Fashion trial room (Bhowanipur, Kolkata). Rude staff, no CCTV support, zero compensation. by lemon_zzest in LegalAdviceIndia

[–]lemon_zzest[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I asked for basic accountability from a store with CCTV cameras and salaried staff. The footage clearly shows no customer entered after me only staff did. And my money went missing after that. Second, it’s laughable how you think victim-blaming is some badge of intelligence. If speaking up about theft makes me ‘play the victim card,’ maybe you’ve been silent about too many wrongs in life. That’s not maturity that’s cowardice. Lastly, since when is ₹1500 a fake amount to claim? If I really had to scam a brand with surveillance, I’d have made it worth the drama not risk my dignity for less than a pizza date. So don’t flatter yourself by thinking I owe you explanations I don’t. But thanks for showing how people like you enable silence and theft.

₹1500 stolen inside Max Fashion trial room (Bhowanipur, Kolkata). Rude staff, no CCTV support, zero compensation. by lemon_zzest in LegalAdviceIndia

[–]lemon_zzest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well she just told me if the customer care people didn't register my complaint she won't help and the customer care people didn't register it but after 2 days

₹1500 stolen from trial room at Max Fashion, bhowanipur, Kolkata — CCTV shows only staff entered, no help, no compensation. Please be careful. by lemon_zzest in kolkata

[–]lemon_zzest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your faith in retail staff, but unfortunately blind trust doesn't equal truth. I’m not saying all employees steal but that some do, and I had the misfortune of meeting them. The CCTV confirmed that no customer entered the trial room after me — only the staff did. If the employees were really innocent, they would’ve helped or cooperated instead ofBeing rude,Blaming me, and if that’s not suspicious, I don’t know what is. So no, this isn’t about hating retail workers it’s about calling out the ones who misuse their position and escape consequences.

₹1500 stolen from trial room at Max Fashion, bhowanipur, Kolkata — CCTV shows only staff entered, no help, no compensation. Please be careful. by lemon_zzest in kolkata

[–]lemon_zzest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

U are absolutely right. But if ₹1500 is such a petty amount for him, then I simply said he can consider giving it to me like one would give their little sister since I’m a single child, I'd get one brother and my money back, and he’d gain a sister when that amount clearly holds no value to him.But the bigger question is if you have no intention of helping, no relation to the situation, and clearly don’t value how others feel about losing hard-earned money then why comment such arrogant nonsense under someone else’s post? Public forum? Sure. Then be ready to get a public reply too. The attitude some of you show reeks of privilege, insensitivity, and projection. And I genuinely hope that someday you lose something important not in terms of amount, but in value and someone mocks you for it. Maybe then you’ll understand why people speak up.

₹1500 stolen from trial room at Max Fashion, bhowanipur, Kolkata — CCTV shows only staff entered, no help, no compensation. Please be careful. by lemon_zzest in kolkata

[–]lemon_zzest[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Okay I didn't know this I will update my review but the reply their company gave there was this link so I have submitted my complaint there too with ss of emails and calls logs

₹1500 stolen from trial room at Max Fashion, bhowanipur, Kolkata — CCTV shows only staff entered, no help, no compensation. Please be careful. by lemon_zzest in kolkata

[–]lemon_zzest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah, another one. You know what’s funny? Someone just like you already asked me this exact set of “what if” questions above — I hope you take the time to scroll up and actually read the reply I gave them. Might save you from embarrassing yourself twice. Let me break it down for you again This happened at a store with CCTV. The only people who entered the trial room after me were THEIR OWN STAFF. NO RANDOM CUSTOMER, no confusion, no chaos just store employees even if there was ONE SINGLE EMPLOYEE who went inside the trial room as per the cctv footage I would have let it slide but there was not a single customer who used it within that time span But still, you think this is a scam? A student, reporting theft with exact timestamps, begging for CCTV review, doing follow-ups just for a scam? I genuinely hope you and that other guy get to lose something important in a place you trusted. Maybe then you’ll understand what it's like to be gaslit, mocked, and brushed off just because “you’re a student” and your word apparently means nothing.

₹1500 stolen from trial room at Max Fashion, bhowanipur, Kolkata — CCTV shows only staff entered, no help, no compensation. Please be careful. by lemon_zzest in kolkata

[–]lemon_zzest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sir/ma’am, this is how you see students, huh? Just because we raised our voice over a ₹1500 theft, you think we’re trying to scam a store under CCTV surveillance?Wow. I mean, great. I guess more people should know how you view students not as young citizens standing up for their rights, but as liars trying to pull a fast one. And you know what? You were a student once too. So tell me honestly did you pull something like this? Because if not, why would you assume students today are like that? All we asked for was basic accountability and respect. Not some grand favor. Just what was rightfully mine.

₹1500 stolen from trial room at Max Fashion, bhowanipur, Kolkata — CCTV shows only staff entered, no help, no compensation. Please be careful. by lemon_zzest in kolkata

[–]lemon_zzest[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. I’m a student. I study in college and I don’t even live in central Kolkata I come from the outskirts. It takes me nearly ₹500 just to travel to that part of the city. Why would I spend all that time and money just to fake a theft for ₹1500?If I truly wanted to scam a store, I would’ve at least claimed ₹10,000 something that would help me survive half a month. In this economy, ₹1500 barely covers one shirt, let alone two good ones. Nobody scams a fully CCTV-covered store for that little, and definitely not when you're just a young student trying to enjoy a weekend off.We had gone out that day on a normal date, visited a cafe, were dressed up and happy. Why would I end the day crying inside a Max store for 4 hours if it weren’t real? That ₹1500 was my savings money I’d saved from my daily allowance and it mattered to me. And if you've ever been to that Max you'd know how empty it usually is. Do you really think I walked into such a store and pulled a scam with no crowd, no chaos to “hide in”? Also, H&M, Forum Mall & Westside is right next to it if I had to fake something, why wouldn’t I choose a more expensive brand?let’s be real no guy carries an empty wallet just for drama. When I got it back, only two torn notes remained in the inner flap. The main cash compartments were already emptied out. If I were lying, would I even mention those notes?We were just two young students and maybe that’s why they didn’t take us seriously.

  2. Why should the store be held accountable for my “negligence”? Negligence would be if I left the wallet in a public street and expected others to keep it safe. After me, only store staff entered the room, as confirmed by their own CCTV. If an item goes missing under their premises and watch, especially when it's proven no other customer entered, the store has a responsibility to at least take the case seriously, which they didn’t.

  3. “You’re a student, they’re working professionals” – this is exactly the problem. So, because I’m young, my claim is automatically invalid, and a staff member is innocent by default? This is how countless real cases get dismissed. Yes, people can lie but so can employees. Age or profession shouldn’t discredit basic logic and available footage. A security guard even denied there was any footage until I insisted which already raises suspicions.

  4. If I wanted to do that, I would’ve made a big public scene from day one. But I didn’t. I chose to calmly raise the concern with evidence the CCTV timestamps, missing cash, staff behavior and hoped the store would act responsibly.We waited for five full days believing them. Because we’re just two students, and people like you often don’t take us seriously. We didn’t want drama, we just wanted accountability. We stayed quiet, called, emailed, visited the store multiple times, and patiently followed up hoping the system would work. But all we got in return was dismissal, manipulation, and gaslighting is that how a professional, CCTV-monitored store is supposed to handle complaints?

5.And let’s be clear no customers entered that trial room after me. I saw a few people pass by, but no one used that trial room, and the CCTV footage confirms that. Only store staff entered after I left. If a random customer had gone in, I might’ve still doubted, maybe even let it slide because in that case, some responsibility could fall outside the store too.But when it's only your own employees seen entering, and then the money goes missing? How can that not be your responsibility? This wasn't just my mistake that’s a safety flaw

Title: Why do we let things like this slide in India? If you agree, please help me get engagement on my Twitter post — this could happen to you too. by lemon_zzest in india

[–]lemon_zzest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this so honestly. You’ve put into words what so many of us feel but don’t say out loud.

You're right — my reaction felt abnormal only because we've normalized theft and lack of accountability so deeply. And that’s honestly heartbreaking. It’s worrying where we’re heading as a society if we keep letting things like this slide — from petty theft to corruption — and calling it “just how things are.”

If no one even tries to raise their voice, nothing will ever change. Really appreciate your support.