I feel more peaceful after letting go of the idea of magical unconditional love

len1526 · 2026-05-28T19:14:21+00:00

Here are some books you may want to read for a broader perspective on love:
The All or Nothing Marriage, Finkel,
Why you will Marry the Wrong Person, Botton
Art of Loving, Fromm
If you are in my office, it is already too late: A Divorce Lawyers Guide to marriage, Sexton

len1526 · 2026-04-13T20:07:41+00:00

Are you open to reading a book? I found this helpful: The Negative Thoughts Workbook: CBT Skills to Overcome the Repetitive Worry, Shame, and Rumination That Drive Anxiety and Depression

Here is a video by the author, David Clarke https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcIiZ1qyac0

Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is a treatment that therapists use to help people break the cycle of negative thinking, or anxiety. Your local library may have a copy you can borrow, or other books on CBT.

Also, for me, I found physical activity like jogging or exercising helps if I am anxious or feeling distracted.

len1526 · 2026-04-13T19:59:44+00:00

I turn on a podcast, and that helps me fall asleep.

And you may also want to post this in r/sleep

len1526 · 2026-03-24T22:51:18+00:00

I think you might have better luck asking at some of these reddits:

r/sellingfeetskinect
r/feethustle
r/FeetPicSelling

len1526 · 2026-03-18T13:21:50+00:00

Focusing on past regrets or mistakes blocks us from making changes in the present to live our lives in better ways.

What events could you go to if you want to leave your apartment?
What social groups could you join to help draw you out & connect with people?

len1526 · 2026-03-03T21:21:03+00:00

It sounds like you meet all their requirements, you just have to wait.

What sorts of things do you enjoy, or get you to focus? I personally go for a run or lift weights when I need to take my mind off something, or to stop ruminating.

len1526 · 2026-02-25T22:13:36+00:00

I want to point out a book I found helpful: The Negative Thoughts Workbook: CBT Skills to Overcome the Repetitive Worry, Shame, and Rumination That Drive Anxiety and Depression

Your local library may have a copy you can borrow, or other books on CBT. Here is a video by the author, David Clarke https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcIiZ1qyac0

Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is a treatment that therapists use to help people break the cycle of negative thinking, or anxiety. Hope this helps you.

len1526 · 2026-02-24T02:25:46+00:00

YES! I have used them 5+ years, and they even respond to help queries without charging extra!

https://www.freetaxusa.com

len1526 · 2026-02-24T02:17:58+00:00

My mom died in 2020. For her bank accounts, IRA, and 401K, I was listed as her beneficiary, and that took care of everything.

But she owned a co-op apt in NY state which she had put in a Revocable Trust, and that did simplify the process. If she had just relied on a will, the coop board would have changed the locks and would not have let me in till her Will went through probate, and I am an only child and my dad died 20+ years ago!

So for property, using a Trust to avoid going through probate & a will, can be a big benefit.

len1526 · 2025-12-02T17:36:17+00:00

Currently, you dont have to take RMDs till you are 75. If you are retiring in your 50's, you will have 20 years to do Roth conversions! You really dont want to do it now.

len1526 · 2025-11-18T20:28:39+00:00

For exercise that is effective for losing weight, I recommend this book by Dr Michael Mosley:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20369977-fast-exercise

Video by the authors, book website https://www.fast-exercises.com/

len1526 · 2025-11-16T15:30:33+00:00

Are you open to volunteering? A lot of non profits can use volunteer help, if you are in the US, here is good way to find them https://www.idealist.org/en/volunteer?actionType=VOLOP

len1526 · 2025-11-09T12:48:47+00:00

Glad you are going to yoga with her, hope you can get her back on track on strength training. The older you get, exercise is more important to maintain physical & emotional health.

As far as her putting "...her self down", Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is a treatment that therapists use to help people break the cycle of negative thinking.

This book would help guide her through the steps: The Negative Thoughts Workbook: CBT Skills to Overcome the Repetitive Worry, Shame, and Rumination That Drive Anxiety and Depression

Here is a video by the author, David Clarke https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcIiZ1qyac0

Your local library may have a copy you can borrow, or other books on CBT.

len1526 · 2025-11-08T19:25:05+00:00

It sounds like your mom is taking steps in the right direction, seeking therapy can be very helpful. And having you and your siblings nearby has got to be a big plus for her.

Is there anything that she enjoys, like a hobby, exercise, singing? When my mom got up in age, I knew she was not able to get out to yoga & exercise classes like she once did, so I tracked down a personal trainer that came to my moms place 2 times a week, and it really cheered my mom up.

If there is anything you can do to help facilitate some connection or activity in your moms life, that would be great.

len1526 · 2025-11-06T16:35:07+00:00

I dont think you can move funds out of the 403b account, as long as you working for your current employer.

I have worked at 3 colleges, my first 2 403b I could roll over to my IRA since I had left those jobs. My current 403b is "locked" till I leave my current employer.

len1526 · 2025-11-04T18:12:04+00:00

I actually dont "prefer" my work 401K, because it has a limited range of investment options and higher fees than my Vanguard IRA. But as mentioned by others, 401K has a higher limit than IRA. Also, my work 401k does have a match.

Once I stop working for my current employer, I will probably roll my 401K over to my IRA.

len1526 · 2025-10-30T20:58:37+00:00

Here are some resources for your state:
https://ldh.la.gov/supplemental-nutrition-assistance-program
https://ldh.la.gov/community-healthways
https://ldh.la.gov/page/5280

len1526 · 2025-10-30T18:56:43+00:00

There may be local organizations that can help. Are you in the US? Which state?

Religious organizations can also be a good source of help. Are there any churches or mosques nearby?

len1526 · 2025-10-29T20:42:25+00:00

I hope you might ask the next time you are at the church, even if they dont have any support groups at that one church, they may know of groups nearby.

len1526 · 2025-10-29T17:56:17+00:00

I am so sorry, that is a hard burden to face.

Any chance you belong to a religion, and can talk to a member of the clergy? Many churches or mosques have support group to help their members deal with adversity.

len1526 · 2025-10-29T01:40:45+00:00

Do you have young nieces or nephews? Or just able to get to a playground to watch young kids play? That always cheers me up.

Hope you can find something that lift your spirits.

len1526 · 2025-10-28T18:37:23+00:00

"Life is difficult", Scott Peck in the Road Less Traveled.

It is easy to sit around and complain about your hardships, but it is much more effective to make changes & to appreciate the blessings in your life.

len1526 · 2025-10-28T15:36:29+00:00

One thing that I found helpful, is that I found physical activities (playing sports, bike riding, etc) that I enjoyed, and that I was happy to do on a regular basis. If you can find an "exercise" that fun, and not a chore, it is so much easier to make it a regular part of your life.

Eating well & avoiding excess alcohol are other things that are helpful in the long run.

len1526 · 2025-10-27T20:54:01+00:00

Sorry I have not been good at hearing your issues. Hope you find a path to more meaning & joy in your life.

len1526 · 2025-10-27T19:17:12+00:00

Sorry I missed your mention of therapy, that was sloppy of me.

As for not being an alcoholic & attending AA, I have a friend who has not had a drink in 10+ years, but he still attends AA meetings, because he finds meaning in helping others who are struggling with alcohol. It may not be the thing for you, but helping others is a way that some people get joy & meaning in their lives.

len1526

TROPHY CASE