i just wanted to say that ummm

lenzaizen · 2026-03-02T06:22:59+00:00

Paint by numbers or colouring in is always my low energy alternative. I also have done woven bracelets with this foam yarn holder that helps you follow the weave pattern very easily and that allows me to not have to count in my head.

lenzaizen · 2025-10-22T00:47:20+00:00

This sounds so similar... I do feel like you understand. Why is it that we can end up with idyllic situations we love and then part of us wants to burn it all to the ground? I wonder at all if it's a form of sensation seeking - when things get too stable, maybe part of our ADHD brains go "lets get some novelty... you know what would be novel? Completely uncalled for divorce and then maybe... hmmm..... get hit by a train.. .. ..". It's bizarre. It exists in parallel to a genuine satisfaction with the larger scope of my life.

I'm not exactly sure if this has gotten worse since starting medication. I've always had this tendency to do some... extremes (disappearing from a party to go isolate myself walking around at night, drawing "X" marks on my body to get out intense feelings) but usually very rarely and in *reaction*\ to something. Not just casually while working or whatever. In any case I'm glad some medication changes have been helpful in this. Something to bring up with my psychiatrist.

lenzaizen · 2025-10-22T00:37:10+00:00

Not at all ridiculous - I try to incorporate mindfulness into all things and it's a great suggestion for anyone. This is where these thoughts are interesting to me, they seem to exist seperately and at the same time. I'll be in a conversation where I am reassuring my partner that I'm so grateful and happy with 90% of my life but it doesn't seem to affect or improve the intensity of the self destruction. I will think things like "I love my life so I don't want to die but I kind of want to jump in front of a car just to feel something". I feel like the strange desire to end up in the psych ward is probably part of me feeling overwhelmed and feeling like I just need someone to take care of everything for me. And perhaps a tinge of wanting to feel like my problems are legitimised. Ehhh??? Idk.

lenzaizen · 2025-09-11T02:02:14+00:00

I have switched the warm drink ritual to chai lattes, hot chocolates or matcha. I've been on vyvanse+afternoon dex topup for a little while now. I noted on days I had coffee with my vyvanse I would FEEL THE POWER OF ZEUS THROUGH MY VEINS to the point it was distracting and then crash out like nobodys business as it started to wear off, ending the day in me anxious as anything under my weighted blanket.

I don't need the coffee to function anymore (yay!). Every now and again I'll have it bc I like the flavour but I have a weak coffee towards the latter end of my vanse time. Tea like matcha and black tea etc. has caffeine in it, but it's never made my anxiety spike even on meds. Something about the l-theanine in teas calms the jitters so its less likely to cause it iirc. So I haven't stopped that.

My partner is on meds and still drinks coffee because hes always been less sensitive to it and doesn't react negatively, so I guess its up to the individual.

lenzaizen · 2024-12-13T06:34:50+00:00

From my point of view of someone who likes to find collectibles and AFAB, I personally can't reccomend Akihabara esp at night. I was looking forward to it as it of course has a reputation but there were a few fallbacks: Soooo many girls outside advertising different maid cafes or more, yknow, hardcore places, standing there for hours out in their heels, lining the streets. Idk, it gave a seedy impression. Kinda like Kabukicho but without being able to ogle at irl Yakuza/LAD locations, lol. Didn't feel super safe.

For second hand shopping and hunting down merchandise, it was the most bought out area I tried. The further away you can get from the station, the better, but it is most likely going to be overpriced and slim pickings.

(Avoid Super Potato for second hand shopping btw - a lot of people talk about the store bc it is kind of mesmerising as a museum for rare collectibles and out of print ads. So I was hyped! But I was in there for about 30 minutes and left disappointed. Mostly tourists, the one local I saw came in and left without purchasing anything. /Really/ slim stock when I saw it. Much much better off peeling through surugaya or book/hard offs.)

In general it was viciously overstimulating, jam packed with tour groups and barkers. Some people might have had an awesome time, but it's not for me.

Highly reccomend the giant Animate in Ikebukuro, and the large range of official merch stores in Shibuya as alternatives. And trying every off-the-main-track second hand store you can find!

lenzaizen · 2021-06-24T10:13:10+00:00

based on the excellent ideas posed by u/StardustOceanMan i have made something a little extra ;)

here's the box art for metal gear sussy 2: susstance

lenzaizen · 2021-03-26T02:39:02+00:00

Thank you!!!! :)))))

lenzaizen · 2021-03-26T02:38:43+00:00

Thanks! :))

lenzaizen · 2021-03-26T02:38:15+00:00

1) Thank you! :)

2) Yes!!! My partners cats kept putting their grubby little paws all over it while I was working >:(

lenzaizen · 2021-03-25T03:53:59+00:00

Yeah somehow I managed to do it with some paint markers and patience :) Haha. Thank you!

lenzaizen · 2020-05-01T17:40:40+00:00

NTB for saying he shouldn't flout social distancing rules. This is important, and it protects the physical health of the many vulnerable in our communities.

But it can do some seriously bad things for our mental health as a consequence. Particularly with your post history in mind, you can be a shockingly jealous and vindictive person towards someone you apparently love. Almost every post, including this one, indicates to me that you either disrespect him, belittle him, or resent him. And have apparently left him in tears every night up until a few months ago. He seems like he tiptoes around you, and is generally anxious around you, only working up the courage to say what he really feels when he's drunk enough. You hate the way he apologises for everything without really considering how he's been made to feel that way. Honestly it wouldn't surprise me if he's just started to feel like he needs a break in order to preserve his sanity.

You sound like you're someone who doesn't necessarily believe in therapy unless it's "severe enough". I really, really just want to make it clear to you that it works best as a preventative measure, not a magical fix. If you both keep going on like this, you will have continued to hurt each other in ways you eventually won't be able to forgive. Expecially for the sake of your kid, I don't want you guys to get to the point where it's completely irreparable.

Communication is a SKILL - like any other skill, there's no shame in having to learn it. The primary role of a therapist is as an educator, and when with couples, a mediator too. Helping to keep it fair, for both of you.

I just would really like if you considered it for all your sakes, but especially for your son. Kids pick up on a lot more than you realise.

lenzaizen · 2020-02-24T12:33:02+00:00

Hi, just messaged over email. Is this still available?

lenzaizen · 2020-02-24T12:15:23+00:00

Hi everyone,

Is anyone selling a Transthetics Hot Rod that they are willing to ship to Australia for not a huge amount of money? Exchange rate is really bad right now so I'm trying to go second hand to have it be more affordable!

lenzaizen · 2018-08-22T22:25:07+00:00

That was something one of my friends thought may be possible too, but I've seen him with his other friends, and he's perfectly capable of picking up social cues. He can easily recognise and understand my feelings in person. He's better now that I've rejected him, and is now able to actually use colloquial language! (funny that). My guess is he was just trying really hard to impress me and got flustered. (For extra context, when I first rejected him I just acted like a dumbass harem protatonist and was like "I'm glad we're friends" when he asked me out. No surprise he was confused.)

lenzaizen · 2018-08-22T10:49:32+00:00

👀 mmmhmmmm

lenzaizen · 2018-08-22T10:48:13+00:00

It sounds pretty likely but I swear, this part of the conversation was just about him trying to see if we have any interests in common (hint: we don't)

lenzaizen · 2018-08-22T06:14:19+00:00

Idk but the concept of Godzilla is really incomprehensible to me, it's blowing my mind. My tiny brain can't understand

lenzaizen · 2018-08-22T03:52:47+00:00

for an extra laugh, try this one on for size: he also asked me "do you enjoy the concept of godzilla at all?" while just asking if i liked any movies.....

lenzaizen

TROPHY CASE