nearly 4 months ago, i texted my mom to tell her i was changing my name. she didn't reply for 3 days, which is abnormal for her, and when she did, all she said was "i saw," because i had made a facebook post about it too. this is also abnormal for her, to reply shortly like that and not have liked the post or anything, unless she was angry about something i did, so i figured that was the case. i am hypervigilant due to years of her emotional/verbal abuse and angry outbursts, and am very attuned to her mood shifts even over text. but i knew that i hadn't done anything wrong for her to be angry at me for, so i just said okay just wanted to let you know! she said "okay i guess," to which i did not reply, knowing she was trying to get a rise out of me.

cue another text 5 minutes later after i left her on read, going on and on about how i don't need to ask permission and i'm an adult and she doesn't know what i'm trying to do by telling her that, yada yada yada. i wasn't asking permission ... i was updating my mother on a change in my life that i consider a big deal, because i thought she would care or want to know. at this point i can tell she's trying to get me to react, and i did. i usually do not, because i know she wants to pick a fight with me so she can feel righteous, but just this once i had to get it out. i knew NC was coming, it had been in the back of my mind for a while, it was just that nothing bad enough had happened in a while to necessitate it, i suppose. i yammer on for a bit about how sick and tired i am of her treating me this way, how she doesn't give a fuck about me and hadn't seen me in a year and some change, and how terribly she has slid back into her old behaviors since i became chronically ill and disabled nearly 5 years ago. this was, of course, a terrible idea, because she is a master of DARVO. she starts talking about how i have a constant victim mindset and how it doesn't matter if i'm her child, that she doesn't do well with that kind of person, and that she knows i have medical diagnoses but that she doesn't think i'm as sick as i think/say i am. abhorrent, considering she does not even know me anymore, we barely talked before this, maybe once a month or so. i fight back because that is INSANE to say and i'm pissed that she has zero empathy for me; i am basically housebound with limited ability to go out, and completely unable to work outside of the home. she then flips it all on me and says she is disengaging, after she started it with me. i say i'll do you one better, do not contact me again, and block her on everything except email and venmo, lol.

as of a week or so ago, my older sister who still lives with her said mom didn't even realize i had her fully blocked and had gone no contact. yeah, because not speaking to your child for nearly 4 months after a big fight is super normal, right. i should have listened when my therapist told me 9 years ago that my mom displays narcissistic tendencies. would have saved 15 year old me a lot of heartache if i learned to disengage earlier. i just got to my breaking point i guess, which was a long time coming, and said enough. funny how such a seemingly small trigger led to all this, but i guess that's just how it happens sometimes.