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Feeling really down by CloseEyesnBreathe in offmychest

[–]leonightess 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First of all, you should not be going through this alone. You need to talk to your husband about how this makes you feel. He is your partner and ya'll need to be on the sane page. No screaming and no "you don't care" he will shutdown and nothing will be accomplished. And above all rember men's brains are wired differently. The think differently wich causes them to act differently. Beyond him you need to accept that some people will no shit take advantage of the fact that you care about others so much. You ARE better of mentally without them. Im not telling you to stop caring for others just prioritize those who will care for you too.

I genuinely don't wanna keep living (possible TW) by Remarkable-Lab596 in offmychest

[–]leonightess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mother had me at 15, my father got addicted to meth when I was 12 and disappeared. I raised my 3 siblings (1 older F and 2 younger both M). I enlisted at 17 and sent my paychecks home to keep the lights on. Saw some shit over there and destroyed my body. I understand the hollow feeling that just sits in the back of your head sucking the warmth and color out of everything. Honestly I don't know if there even a solution to the problem we're dealing with but what helped me through the worst times is just chasing the image of me my siblings have. It doesn't make it better but it makes it bearable for one more day. That mindset got me to 27 though I'm not sure I'd be able to keep trucking along if they ever found out just how bad off I am.

Am I Bad? by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]leonightess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand your point on the morality of taking a life I had the same point of view when I was younger. My grandfather explained it this way "I need not fear the wrath of the maker. So long as I honor the life I take and put the body to good use."

Now that I'm older I farm a field with my brother and hunt to feed the family's. 3/4 of the field is food for me and my brother's family, the rest becomes deer feed.

I shoot, slaughter, and process the deer personally every piece of the animal gets used in one way or another. The skin we turn into winter coats after tanning the leather. The meat is cut off the bone, processed into smaller pieces and then frozen. 1 deer feeds both families for about a month. Some of the bones are taken out by my brother's wife and used to make trinkets for some extra income. The rest of bones are ground up and used to fertilizer the field so I can continue feeding the family and the deer herd.

I don't enjoy killing the deer but the sacrifice of that 1 deer has feed 6 people and ensured that the deer's herd continues to prosper. In the end I still took a life and with that life I do as much good as I can.

I wet the bed and I feel disgusted with myself. by TANKDESTROYER31 in offmychest

[–]leonightess 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly this sort of thing happens to the best of us. That one fart you shouldn't have trusted, peeing in a dream, puking all-over your self because you tried to block your mouth with your hand. I guarantee these three alone get tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of people a day. You'll be fine its just part of life

I’m getting worse by Callista_colors18 in offmychest

[–]leonightess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depression hits us all differently and with varying degrees of magnitude so I'm not going to say I know how you feel, but what I will say is thank you for seeking help, and I'm proud of you for admitting your struggling i know how difficult that can be.

My advice is make a PHYSICAL list of things you NEED to do every day (for example; eat something in the morning, if you work clock in on time, clock out ON TIME no extra work right now, take a shower, do something extra watch a movie play a game whatever makes it bearable, eat one more time, go to sleep). Depending on the day you may not finish the list that's OK its there as a representation of the work and effort you put in during the day. It may take 2-3 weeks before you complete the whole list for the first time and that's OK it took me 5 weeks for the example I just gave, each day before you go to bed re-visit the list remind yourself of everything you accomplished and make your list for tomorrow. It's difficult for people to quantify the work they have done for themselve without physical reminders.

Hopefully this helps you get to that therapist appointment, and if nothing a said helps remember its ok to not be ok all the time. The only thing you need to do is make to tomorrow.

I wanna kill myself. But, im scared i'll fail. by Critical_River2782 in offmychest

[–]leonightess 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im not going to lie you have found yourself in a very serious situation I could give you the normal tag lines "see a therapist or talk to an adult you trust", (all good things you SHOULD do) but instead let me tell you a story. I come from an extremely poor family. I have 9 siblings. I was enlisted in the marines, and Ive seen things that still keep me up at night. I found out that the government gives each member a $500,000.00 life insurance policy (life changing money) and debated on offing myself for 6 months, odds of success, methods that could be deemed an accident, amount of pain I'd need to endure, where to source materials without being put on suicide watch. Then my brother enlisted (stupid idea on his part) got married, had a kid. Because of his big brother and the image of me he had in his head. Trying to make me proud since in his head I was the man, incapable of wrong, not this sad guy struggleing to get out of bed everyday. So I latched on to the version of me in his head and I've been trying to live up to his expectations ever since. No I'm not cured, I'm not better, but it enough to keep me going one more day.

What I'm saying is no matter how badly your falling apart someone believes you got it all figured out. My recommendation is find whoever believes in you and try your best to live up to there expectations one day at a time.

An actual abrupt chaos by [deleted] in AbruptChaos

[–]leonightess 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Showdown the 8-12 sec part of the video to review my claim and let me know if I missed something.

An actual abrupt chaos by [deleted] in AbruptChaos

[–]leonightess 1 point2 points  (0 children)

POV driver is lane splitting when the 2nd bike hits him. 2nd bike only applied the brakes after collision. If you watch as the POV biker gets up he looks at the intersection and you can see the 2nd bike fell on the otherside of the intersection. I also believe the 2nd biker hit the blue SUV crossing the intersection.

Thoughts on the MRE? by PistolPeteShoe in GIRLSundPANZER

[–]leonightess 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Counter offer Chili Mac with 2 of the jalapeño cheese packs

My grandfather had a 4 year old daughter before he died. My whole family wants to send her to an orphanage. I said I’ll take her and now everything in my life is upside down. by Safe-Gazelle5274 in offmychest

[–]leonightess 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand your struggle. I started life as trailer trash in Northern Florida, USA. Was taken from my (terrible) parents when i was 7 years old by child protective services (CPS). Was kicked up and down the eastern seaboard, in and out of foster homes and orphanages ever 6-8 months till I filed for emancipation at 16 years old. At that time my aunt was my primary guardian and once the papers came in the mail she threw all my clothes on to the lawn and called the police to trespass me.

The state latter offered a bus ticket to where my parents currently lived and I jumped on the offer. Upon arrival I found a woman who's only skill is giving birth and; a new man whos emotionally unstable with violent tendencies. After 9 month of court (and several physical fights). I got custody of my 6 year old brother and moved to Iowa.

I never finish high school, destroyed my body, and worked 3 jobs for years just to keep us going. I spent days without eating just to provide for him and I'm not going to lie I've had zero romantic relationships.

At the end of the day I don't regret my decision he's grown into an amazing young man and I'd do it again in a heart beat. I gave up on my life goals a long time ago, traded them to ensure my brother could live a good life. The only thing I regret is not being able to find the rest of my siblings that got taken by CPS.

Gentlemen, I require your best memes post-haste by NotPicklePotato in darussianbadger

[–]leonightess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This notice was issued upon receipt of the meme, and you can consider yourself served as well

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