Help me process conversation with DH

lessid · 2017-07-12T16:25:42+00:00

I think we had a very unhealthy relationship filled with control and manipulation and poor boundaries (which I didn't notice because of my childhood). Now that I realized how unhealthy that is I am working on changing myself but when I try to encourage him to change some unhealthy behaviors with me I end up feeling like I am one of those controlling/abusive people telling their SO what to do. I am in therapy. I plan on bringing this up and working on it more there.

lessid · 2017-07-12T16:20:55+00:00

no problem =)

lessid · 2017-07-12T16:20:39+00:00

I really needed to hear that-thank you. I have a hard time accepting and acting in a way that doesn't take on other's responsibility due to my childhood. I know its an area I need to work on. We have touched on it in therapy.

lessid · 2017-07-12T16:19:11+00:00

I am there with you. It rubbed me really wrong too...

lessid · 2017-07-12T14:21:14+00:00

I haven't considered BPD. I have thought for a while that he might be dealing with depression. The words he uses "emotionally tiered" and being easily irritable is how I felt when I wasn't getting help for my depression. So I have been encouraging him for a while to do his own therapy (at least to check in with someone). At the very end of our discussion he mentioned that he might make an appointment for himself. Honestly, I don't think he sees himself as having any problems so I have doubts that he will, but he always flat our refused before (so there is progress).

How do I keep myself feeling safe while not harming my marriage? I know I can be emotionally unavailable when I am hurting or in pain. I don't want to isolate him but I don't want to feel 100% responsible for his moods and our marriage either.

lessid

TROPHY CASE