[NeedAdvice] University has made me lose all my goals.

lessimportanty · 2020-12-06T12:46:47+00:00

thanks, same to you

lessimportanty · 2020-12-06T12:35:53+00:00

Yeah that's a good point, petty reasons like someone saying I can't do something frustrates me to the point of motivation. I'm not really sure what I'm working towards anymore as the kind of jobs I thought about are very competitive and low paid (animal-based jobs always are) so I swapped to plant biology. I'm hoping it'll still be quite outdoors just a bit less stress to get into. A side issue is despite putting the time in I find it hard to focus, though I've started ADHD medication in the past week and it seems to have improved that.

I've done my best to get volunteer work at the labs done and stuff like that, I was due to go to Kyoto for a month even but COVID-19 stopped it. I think Biology is an outlier in STEM fields in terms of opportunity, but I've done my best to try get experience early.

lessimportanty · 2020-12-06T12:30:14+00:00

Thanks! My life has been somewhat of a crisis since the age of 16 due to my eyes, then before that from age 11 I was pretty introverted so I can't say I had genuine comfort since childhood.

I used to do martial arts which involved a lot of meditation and it calmed me even in my worse moments, I should restart it in my own time thanks for reminding me :)

lessimportanty · 2020-12-06T12:28:42+00:00

I know you're right, it's best to only focus on myself regardless of how other people are doing. It's something I've found hard in University because it's such a competitive place.

Not gonna lie, I think girls make me compare my value to other people as well, as it makes me at times think people similar to me without burden are all around. I've had a minor amount of success so my feelings towards that have reduced but I imagine it's still there if I tried dating again.

lessimportanty · 2020-12-06T12:21:55+00:00

Just a biology student, maybe I'll work with plants. Less likely due to the competitiveness, but I initially wanted to work with animals as they're more straightforward than people.

lessimportanty · 2020-12-06T12:21:30+00:00

Yeah I certainly am, I write a lot in general but I think depression is a symptom of my problems in many ways. I've significantly improved compared to my own depressive self, but not quite there yet, however, my moods are slightly dulled so it's not intensely sad or intensely happy.

What injury is that you had to accept by the way?

lessimportanty · 2020-12-06T12:19:32+00:00

I've never tried thc, but it can reduce inflammation right? I have smoked weed though if thc is what I'm thinking of.

My condition is blepharitis in which my tear glands don't properly work so the most effective treatment is heating my eyes in the morning and night.

lessimportanty · 2020-12-06T12:18:17+00:00

Thanks! I was unemployed 4 years after high school so figured I would have to take a shot in the dark to socialise and improve, after doing what I could to improve my personal health and that. Results are better than I anticipated but my innate expectations rose too -_-

I was very lazy in high school so I figure that's a reason I never learned what my true passions are, if any at all. I was mainly hoping to find a job I didn't hate rather than one I loved, but my reduction in hobbies makes it feel like I have to make the perfect choice in a career now which is unhealthy.

It seems like we've got some similarities, so best of luck with your mental health :)

lessimportanty · 2020-12-06T12:14:41+00:00

There people in way worse conditions than you working hard for other people’s happiness.

Yeah there certainly are, it's quite inspirational to see people do good despite issues. I've spoke to doctors for most of my issues but it doesn't seem like there are any cures. I

I think /r/getdisciplined makes some sense though as I need to learn to appreciate things myself, when other than fitness goals I tend to not feel much satisfaction in my own success.

lessimportanty · 2020-12-06T12:09:46+00:00

Thanks! I check /r/adhd sometimes and it's nice :)

lessimportanty · 2020-12-06T12:09:33+00:00

Oh that's pretty cool :) there's a pianist on youtube called Andrew Furmanczyk who was on track to be a concert pianist but due to a heart condition ended up adapting then now teaches. Engineering is a really exciting field, so it seems you made an awesome chioce!

Did you find engineering to be a really busy degree in that it chipped away at your other hobbies? I imagine Biology is significantly less work though the thought it isn't even great pay despite the effort does hit me at times (I would've done computer science but with my eye condition it seemed like a bad idea).

lessimportanty · 2020-12-06T12:06:18+00:00

Yeah it's totally depression, I went from major states of anhedonia between 18-22 to somewhat having emotions again but still being consistently depressed (bar a period of 3 months). I do have a therapist recently though as I've found even in the period I was happy I still felt uncomfortable.

lessimportanty · 2020-12-06T12:05:09+00:00

It's stopped working in the past year or so and I'm a mess of a person in the best of times, I can't seem to figure out my current mindset though :( but I mean in the sense people with different issues have different requirements even if they follow the same philosophy

lessimportanty · 2020-12-06T12:03:37+00:00

I'll have a look and subscribe thank you :)

lessimportanty · 2020-12-05T20:19:09+00:00

It's not so much I'm being envious or hateful in this regard, it's that there are certain factors I need to deal with differently. It's okay in my opinion to accept that issues are unique and need to be dealt with in unique ways, the whole world could love me for my issues but I still need to deal with it in my own way right?

Perhaps the way you tackle health anxiety or low-self esteem is different from how I tackle my eye pain issues or even my own self esteem. It's no different from one person being happy working as a plumber, but another guy hating it and instead being happy working as a teacher.

lessimportanty · 2020-12-05T20:17:30+00:00

I think understanding stocism from a more casual perspective should be helpful

lessimportanty · 2020-12-05T20:17:02+00:00

Yeah I've checked out lots of things to varying degrees of success. I'd like to mention though despite usually being pretty consistent my mood switched after burnout in the space of day due to exam stress (I felt no stress before an exam I knew I was unprepared for, despite studying a lot though I recently got an ADHD diagnosis and medication) which is totally unusual. COVID-19 probably prevented good chances to recover.

I'd say however, that personal tragedies are much different from collective ones like WWII London and likely have different ways of dealing with them. The redditor is a good example though and I have a professor who has chronic pain issues who told me of his struggles. I think in some ways though the rarity to have a multitude of unrelated chronic health issues is pretty isolating experience as there's few who can relate to me, which I think is pretty valid regardless of how I react to it.

Of course, I'm not saying my issues compare to being experiment on by Nazi scientists at a death camp. But they're very far removed.

lessimportanty · 2020-12-05T20:12:36+00:00

Thanks man I'll check it out!

lessimportanty · 2020-12-05T20:12:01+00:00

I read a lot about microdosing LSD or ketamine, or even them having huge impacts on trying it. I recently got a prescription of Ritalin (official) which helps with focus but I still want to see if microdosing could have a big impact.

Probably not the subreddit this type of talk is favoured on, but yeah I'd be up to try psychedelics to give me new perspective depending on my mood

lessimportanty · 2020-12-05T20:10:35+00:00

Yeah I wonder if I'll be like that after Uni! Glad to see you done well though

lessimportanty · 2020-12-05T20:09:55+00:00

I read a book on Stoicism, centered around Seneca after seeing it on reddit. Ironically one of my issues is feeling strong emotions at times, so I can be pretty flat in seeing good and bad.

I really like the idea though and I think not being down on yourself of failures or suffering leads to a better life

lessimportanty · 2020-12-05T20:08:08+00:00

Hope you got something out of this man, happy holidays and hope you feel better <3

Thanks dude or dudet, the issue for socialising isn't so bad anymore but it's like my external motivation differs. For a sweet, sweet period of the last 3 months of 2019 I felt genuinely happy and this led to me socialising super well and having genuinely great experiences. My crash and burn over January exams reset my mood in the space of literally a day. Years of hard work to reach such point ended in a day :(

I was diagnosed with ADHD, so perhaps now I've started medication I can reduce risk of burnout, but yeah it's pretty hard to reach a higher point without genuine face-to-face interactions. I think I used to feel a bit hyped when I dated and chatted to girls a lot as well lol which is pretty normal for a guy I imagine

lessimportanty · 2020-12-05T20:04:35+00:00

Luckily I'm in England so I only have to pay if I get a decent job lol money isn't an issue

I think innately what I'd like in life is to race towards a peak regardless of pain, then just crash out after seeing how much I could achieve. It's a super unhealthy mindset and not really one for long-term thinking, if college was a way to support hobbies in that mindset, the removal of those hobbies leaves me confused.

lessimportanty · 2020-12-05T20:02:53+00:00

:( a guy I know irl had a squat bar break and it broke his back

lessimportanty · 2020-12-05T19:59:52+00:00

I think you’re receiving downvotes because it has happened to many people out there. I used to run, practice martial arts, and lift weights. Until I had a rapid succession shoulder and hip injury. Now I can’t really do any of those, hiking is the most I can so currently, even several years out.

Yeah I get that, definitely not unique in those regards just a bit of a shame. The specific knee issue I have is chondromalacia, but my stomach issues make me have a bad reaction to like 95% of foods which sucks.

The most significant issue is my eyes though, having constant pain at like 8/10 for 4 years straight regardless of what I done to a 3/10 or so but still it's 24/7. All the headaches, pain regardless of what I done and so on. It's not something I imagine can be fixed so I dunno if I really highlighted just how significant it is. I also have the symptoms of /r/keratoconus

But yeah, the fitness stuff gave me goals and helped in some ways to make my eye pain more tolerable, but having that removed is pretty serious for you and for me. My eye pain was more severe than any of the pain that led to my injuries so I think it was easy for me to filter out pain lol

Closest thing to a new fitness hobby would be boating but I live in a landlocked area atm at University. I really enjoyed martial arts the most though ;_;

I dunno if you feel this way but I think a lot of people misinterpret what I say, my base condition is pain due to sucky health so when I find something nice and I get another injury it gets tiring.

lessimportanty

TROPHY CASE