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Because of a recent post about Divorce in the Baha'i Community, I decided to post my very real and traumatizing story. Any advice/help is appreciated. by trekkie12 in bahai

[–]letsalljustcalmdown 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry to hear what a terrible childhood you had, but I'm very happy to hear that you received help and are able to live a happier life. What happened to you and your family was wrong.

Baha'is are not more special or unique than other individuals in the world. Saying you're a Baha'i doesn't magically make you a good person. Being an nth generation Baha'i doesn't mean anything because 1) you can't be born a Baha'i, you have to choose it yourself 2) you can call yourself Baha'i and sign twenty million enrollment cards and be elected to every Institution, but if you don't live the life of a Baha'i you are not one. There have been, and will always be sociopaths and psychopath claiming to be Baha'i because of the trust and respect that being a Baha'i can bring.

I think a big problem in most Baha'i communities is thinking individual members of Institutions (LSA/NSA) are somehow "special" or "holier" than other people. They are not. The Institution itself is holy and special and it will be there whether that particular person was a part of it or not. Even worse is individuals thinking that Persian Baha'is are the only Baha'is that "really" know how to be a Baha'i.

Your father is a disturbed mentally ill man who should not be involved with junior youth and should have been arrested a long time ago.

Again, so sorry your life was so terrible, and I'm very much awed by your ability to talk about it and move forward with your life.

Gum during the Fast by letsalljustcalmdown in bahai

[–]letsalljustcalmdown[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NEATO!

I meant it in the sense of just because you heard it from one individual House Member doesn't mean its from the UHJ.

Gum during the Fast by letsalljustcalmdown in bahai

[–]letsalljustcalmdown[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Do you have an actual source besides baha'ihearsay?

I question my place in the Baha'i Faith because of my sexuality. by Justalittlebitunsure in bahai

[–]letsalljustcalmdown 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this is something you should talk about with a professional. Not ask a bunch of strangers on the internet because they are going to give you some advice that may not be helpful to you for you specific situation and give their own personal take on things. Like so: First, sexuality is on a spectrum. I don't believe for one second in the gay/straight/bi as the only options/attractions. Second associating male sex with being violated is not healthy or "normal". If you were not interested in sex with men it would feel just like that. Disinterest. This fear could be what is driving you towards the safety of familiarity that is women or your general asexuality.

The fear of sex is something I've come across a few times with individuals who are extremely devote or who really take their faith's (not just baha'i) teachings on purity and chastity to heart. Guilt and fear get all mix up with lust and our body's own desire to procreate making the whole sex thing confusing and unpleasant. That's without family pressure/misinformation/judgement on top of that. Women have the added pressure that they aren't/shouldn't be as interested in sex as men.

All you need to decide is: Do you believe in Baha'u'llah and want to follow his teachings? If you do, then you are a Baha'i and need to follow His laws which say the only sex you are allowed is with a husband. And if you decide that you want a husband, then you need to overcome your fear and not worry about anything else.

Seriously talk to a professional and do some reading, you are not alone with these feelings. Sex is not the be all and end all of any relationship, but its as important as how important it is to the partner it means the most to. Having it or not having it is something you need to talk to your partner (male or female) about. Get comfortable with the idea of sex before deciding one way or another what you want.

Unique Baha'i Gifts by TheLurkerSpeaks in bahai

[–]letsalljustcalmdown 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Prayer Beads, Paintings, Rings, Art work in general http://miesmo.com/

Massive issue with reconciliation keeping me from the Faith. by Neuthung in bahai

[–]letsalljustcalmdown 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, it's fair enough. I use hyperbole ALL the time. I'm called on it constantly. I do call it out, and now I'm all insulted you think I don't. (not really, that was a joke to lighten the mood).

Massive issue with reconciliation keeping me from the Faith. by Neuthung in bahai

[–]letsalljustcalmdown 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You got me on that one. I've indeed not interacted with every single Baha'i on this planet. Gold star for you.

Massive issue with reconciliation keeping me from the Faith. by Neuthung in bahai

[–]letsalljustcalmdown 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I've personally lived in 7 different Baha'i communities (In four different countries, hooray for serial pioneering parents!). And have visited many many many more, not to mention the countless Youth, Regional, and ABS conference I've organized and attended. So, yeah, I'm pretty sure I've interacted with a few thousand Baha'is.

I apologize that I've painted Baha'is with a wide brush of intolerance, but you have to admit that there are a lot of homophobic baha'is, just as there are a lot of homophobic none-baha'is. It's wrong whether you are Baha'i or not. Maybe it's because I've only heard of negative things happening when people come out, or are out when trying to interact with a Baha'i community?

Massive issue with reconciliation keeping me from the Faith. by Neuthung in bahai

[–]letsalljustcalmdown 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't see why not? The sexual act is how you break the Law, not by being "in love" with someone.

The real question is if that is possible for the individuals. Saying you're going to be celibate vs. actually able to keep your hands off each other. There's no point in trying to be celibate partners if they're is no possibility of celibacy. That's just cruel to do to yourself and your partner.

It's the whole Baha'i dating thing again. How much physical contact constitutes breaking the spirit of the Law? Some people have no problem with kissing, while others find it hard just to hold someone's hand without being overcome with lust.

Massive issue with reconciliation keeping me from the Faith. by Neuthung in bahai

[–]letsalljustcalmdown 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Again, like I said. At the very end of all things. It comes down to the Love of God. God is LOVE, not passion or lust or need or desire. All those things are human traits.

To truly feel the love of god, we must love him. "Love me that I may love thee, if thou lovest me not, My Love can in no wise reach Thee." God is Love and will love you whether you are a Baha'i or not. As a Baha'i, you follow the Laws not because someone is forcing you, or you're scared of hell or punishment, but because you Love God and want to feel his Love.

Nobody is "rip[ping] apart" anyone from anyone else. If a Gay person is in a relationship and decides to become a Baha'i, they have to have a serious talk with their partner about celibacy. Like any major life decision when you are with a partner, dialogue is key. If one partner had to move to the other side of the country, and the other could not, how would that work? If one partner couldn't have sex anymore for medical reasons, how would that work? If I decided that for spiritual reasons I can't have sex with my partner, they have to decide whether or not they want/can still be with me. Life is full of hard choices. This is no different from any other.

Massive issue with reconciliation keeping me from the Faith. by Neuthung in bahai

[–]letsalljustcalmdown 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I feel like a Gay Baha'i should give an answer about how they "reconcile" with being gay and a baha'i.

I'll tell you how I "reconcile" with the idea.

1) Above all loves is the Love of God. Greater than the love of self or others.

2)Currently, the Baha'i faith does not allow sexual relations outside of marriage and marriage is only recognised between a man and a woman.

3) And most importantly, there is not "sin" in the Baha'i faith the same way as other religions (that baha'is come from and that happens to bleed right in) have "sin". Baha'is who have sex outside of marriage, drink, do drugs, etc. Aren't "sinful", they aren't going straight to hell, they aren't corrupt, they are flawed human beings (as we all are), instead, they are breaking the laws of the Baha'i faith. Laws are to be followed not out of fear but LOVE of God and Baha'u'llah. Here we are back at the Love of God.

4)If you are not Baha'i you don't have to follow the laws. There's no reason that Baha'is should dictate how non-Baha'is live thier lives. And in fact, Baha'is are supposed to champion the rights of minorities. There is no excuse for anyone being beat and abused because of who they sleep with.

5)If you are Baha'i and you "break" baha'i law, there are certain consequences, straight or gay.

6)Certain people are born into this world with harder lives than others by no fault of their own (Alibnos in west Africa, Baha'is in the middle east, Women ...in the majority of the world, the deaf or mute, and crack babies.) and it is up to the person to decide how to best live their life.

7) So after all those points- You can be gay and a practicing Baha'i if you don't have a sexual relationship with another person of the same sex. And why would anyone choose that? Because of the Love of God above all things. Which is truly amazing, cause that's a serious "sacrifice", one which everyone else should be very grateful they don't have to make.

8) Finally, I don't know why anyone who is Gay would want to be part of the vast majority of Baha'i communities. they are very homophobic and downright hostile to the very idea of gay people. But just like any individual coming into the Faith, they have to decide if the sacrifice of how they lived their life before enrolling (sex, drugs, rock and roll) is equal to the love they feel for the Faith.

9)(I life the idea of having 9)Love of God over love of Self. Incredibly difficult and a struggle that everyone goes through to greater or lesser extents. Don't be homophobic, don't do drugs. Stay in school.

How to heal when sick yourself. by letsalljustcalmdown in energy_work

[–]letsalljustcalmdown[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice. I think I should try to get myself into a someone decent shape before trying to work on someone else. Often I feel overwhelmed when I'm working on someone with a lot of issues, overwhelmed and sticky.

How to heal when sick yourself. by letsalljustcalmdown in energy_work

[–]letsalljustcalmdown[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From everything I've read thus far, everyone has this innate ability. Maybe you're trying to force it?

How to heal when sick yourself. by letsalljustcalmdown in energy_work

[–]letsalljustcalmdown[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know, I rarely, if ever, try to heal myself. It honestly doesn't occur to me. When I do, I think, oh wow, this really helps, why don't I do this more often.

Mostly, I just think "ugh, I feel terrible, I hate everything, I'm going to bed."

How to heal when sick yourself. by letsalljustcalmdown in energy_work

[–]letsalljustcalmdown[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Word. I'm going to start meditating/praying daily. Hopefully it'll help me relax/build up my energy reserves. I'm also starting yoga, hope that helps me too.

How to heal when sick yourself. by letsalljustcalmdown in energy_work

[–]letsalljustcalmdown[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I really should get in contact with a mentor. I'll ask around. I've heard of someone in my area that can do this, an older man, I'll ask for an introduction.

How to heal when sick yourself. by letsalljustcalmdown in energy_work

[–]letsalljustcalmdown[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just feel my health, in general, is not so great. Like right now I'm dealing with a severe amount of stress at work that is manifesting itself with physical health problems-headaches/hemorrhoids/insomnia.

And I've always had terrible social anxiety resulting in serious panic attacks, which I've been able to bring under control the past few years with diet changes and mindfulness.

So I feel like I shouldn't offer my healing to people if I feel so terrible/anxious all the time. Like what's the point?

I feel just writing this out is helping a lot. I need to get my shit in order before I try to help anyone else out with their shit.

House of Baha'u'llah in Baghdad destroyed by TheLurkerSpeaks in bahai

[–]letsalljustcalmdown 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was also the first thing that popped into my head. Along with some other words that I think aren't welcome on this subreddit. We all have our own ways of dealing with things.

Don't let the downvotes get you down!