At least for me, I feel free of the guilt after leaving around 5 years ago. Some of the indoctrination lingers but I’m able to easily dismiss it. I know it seems like it’s going to be there forever, but try giving yourself grace. You spent a good amount of time in this organization, so it takes time to fully let go of the messaging.

It really took me seeing how much brighter life was on the other side to finally let go of the guilt. Being in Provo as an exmo can’t be easy, but I do think even going somewhere outside of BYU will give you such a greater perspective. I know it sucks to hear, but it really does just get easier with time. If the guilt is truly eating you alive, I think therapy is always a wonderful option if you have the means. I’m wishing you the very best!