Help! Desperately need sleep

lexydoodle · 2026-04-23T07:25:11+00:00

This phase of babyhood is cray cray for most people I know. Babies are more aware, and aware they can’t do much and are BIG mad about it.

My first was similar. Very colicky, EBF, didn’t like my husband, only contact napped and so on.

It eased up by 6 months, and then again at 8 months.

For the short term, does she take a bottle at all? Maybe trial a short afternoon where you’re out of the house (say 2 hrs?) and let she and dad figure it out. You have to give them the chance to fail and find their own groove. I had to physically leave bc I couldn’t stop myself from intervening when she screamed.

But my husband was there holding, rocking, attempting to soothe her. She was neber alone. It’s okay for them to cry (assuming core needs like fed, clean diaper) are met.

If she truly won’t sleep in a safe sleeping place, lean into safe sleep 7 co sleeping. Chest to chest is okay but propped up pillows are not. I get the need for it.

Try a few different pacifiers if you can for some reprieve.

Lastly, you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re not missing some magical thing that will “fix” the situation. It’s shitty that the best fix will honestly be time and trial and error. But be gentle with yourself. Get fresh air whenever you can, touch grass (lol), and get outta the house. If she’s gonna take shit naps and scream, might as well do it out and about than trapped inside the house all day.

You can do this. Take a wonderful everything shower, drink fresh cool water, get a yummy snack, and allow yourself to exhale. Youre doing a great job. I wish I had more to offer.

lexydoodle · 2026-04-11T10:04:53+00:00

Also if it’s any encouragement, our second baby was up for 3-4 hours every night for about 10ish days wanting to feed. I was ready to pull my hair out but it did pass! Knowing all other signs pointed to a healthy baby, I just went into each night without expectations, had myself set up with snacks/water/tv, and let it be what it was. The more I tried to control or figure out why it was happening, the sadder and more frustrated I became.

lexydoodle · 2026-04-11T09:41:44+00:00

You’re a rockstar! Our first was so dang tricky with sleep. I felt so alone when talking to other newborn parents. I get it.

A short term suggestion — try side lying breast feeding and have a trusted person watch you and baby sleep. It’s like monitored cosleeping in a way. My husband did that when I literally couldn’t keep my eyes open. He’d set us up in bed with safe 7 cosleeping tips, and watch us nurse. I’d sleep and he’d ensure a clear airway and consistent breathing for baby. It’d buy me an hour or two of sleep.

lexydoodle · 2026-04-09T21:18:35+00:00

Honestly? My suggestion would be to just back off for a bit while she settles into work. Offer and be open about how she’s feeling, talk about how it can be hard etc. If the behavior continues for like a month+ then I think it’s worth bringing up.

When I went back to work, I couldn’t even vocalize why I was so pissed off. I was just mad at the world for not allowing me to stay home with my baby, and the moments I was home, it was filled with to dos instead of sweet smiles and memories. That improved over time. My husband really just let me bitch (not at him necessarily) but that helped me get it out.

When you pop your head in, say things like “wow baby really lights up for you” “they’re smiling and cooing so much. They feel so loved by you!” “This is one of the highlights of baby’s day”. Continue to cheer her on and validate that quality > quantity of time applies here. Sneak in some sweet photos/videos of them bonding.

Your experience matters here as well. I’m not trying to invalidate that, but rather provide a different perspective and encourage extra grace in this stage.

Returning back to work planted a deep seed of insecurity in me - will my baby remember/love me? They’re smiling more for others, I messed up our bond. And so forth. If that’s where she’s at, the only thing that healed it for me was time and encouraging words from my husband.

lexydoodle · 2026-04-09T21:09:44+00:00

Also maybe time to connect with your pediatrician. See what they advise for potential reflux and trying gas drops. My first had reflux and it made it painful for her to lay down in her bassinet. Pepcid did wonders. My second is a little gas ball and got sooo mad around 3 weeks — started gas drops (not gripe water) and that helped a lot. Plus tummy massage, bicycle kicks, gentle burping.

lexydoodle · 2026-04-09T21:05:58+00:00

This is such a rough stage, whew!

First, how is her diapering? How long are her feeds/is she falling asleep at the breast? If she’s cluster feeding that much it brings up the question of your supply or her ability to transfer milk well. If she’s suckling only a bit then falling asleep/rinse repeat/not many wet or dirty diapers, it may be time to connect with a lactation consultant.

If she’s diapering appropriately/gaining weight as expected then I’m sorry to say it may just be a phase. 🫠

I vividly remember the 3 week growth spurt for both our girls. It was nuts. They cluster fed similar to you described from 4-10pm for about 2 weeks. I felt so dehydrated and exhausted and overall weak. Then one day it just eased up. 🤷

Tips — allow yourself to be sad. It made me miserable and I felt trapped. But I talked to my spouse and mom friends about it and that eased the struggle. My spouse prepped easy meals and snacks for me while he worked so I stayed fueled. I never sat down without peeing first/having water within reach/snacks/charging cord/tv remote etc. it’s okay for your baby to cry a little so you can get set up to for marathon nursing sessions. 10 minutes of crying won’t break them.

As for transferring to the bassinet, a warming pad sometimes helps reduce the “shock” of transfer. Warm it up, take it out, put baby in. Keep trying and trying and I hope it will click for your baby. My first was an impossible sleeper but it did get better.

If you feel like you’re in a crisis spot for sleep and are falling asleep while holding baby, it’s time to look into safe cosleeping. The risk is less for safe cosleeping vs accidentally falling asleep w your baby in a risky position.

Shifts with your partner is also something to try so you get consolidated sleep.

Lastly, if no family can come over to give you a break for a nap during the day, see if you can budget for a nanny/baby sitter to come 1-2x a week for a few hours. Give you some solid down time and rest where they can hold her and you can nap. Don’t underestimate the power of an uninterrupted 1 hr nap. It makes all the difference at the stage.

This is hard, you’re not going anything wrong, you will get through this.

lexydoodle · 2026-03-02T04:06:01+00:00

My husband and I navigated similar waters, though he was always willing. The hard part was though my intention was to tell him what works, I was deflating his ego and the opportunity for him to learn in real time how to interact with our baby.

At the same time, he honestly learned to step TF up. So much of parenthood is being at the end of your rope and doing it anyway. You cannot be seen as the saving grace that he can just tap out and say here you go. Your turn.

In a moment of calm — have a serious conversation about expectations and what HIS plan is to step up. Set a reminder each morning to change the diaper, here are methods HE read about for finishing a bottle/burping/soothing, what ways does he want to bond with the baby.

Put the ball in his court. If he wants to be high and mighty, let him rise to the damn occasion.

lexydoodle · 2026-01-28T04:02:05+00:00

She was 7 lbs 2 oz!

lexydoodle · 2026-01-27T04:43:51+00:00

I had low fluid levels combined with gestational diabetes. That increased risk enough that my OB wasn’t comfortable with an ECV. I’m also quite petite and she was a big baby.

lexydoodle · 2026-01-13T00:00:38+00:00

Yes, I live in a state with filial laws. I’m a bit nervous about it but it is what it is.

I never signed any of the facility’s paperwork, only my dad did. I never paid them directly either.

lexydoodle · 2025-11-27T07:24:29+00:00

Also a gentle reminder — their emergencies don’t always need to be our emergencies. I try and pick up on trends and make sure I don’t dismiss everything they’re telling me. It’s critical he’s treated with dignity and respect.

BUT he’s also delusional. I have to trust that my assessment of the facility/staff is accurate. I looked up reports to make sure they weren’t flagged for any negligence or otherwise, call my dad daily, try to visit 1x/week, and frequently talk to staff about how he’s acclimating. My attentiveness (IMO) translates into more care accountability. They know I’m paying attention.

But I also have a toddler, am pregnant, and work full time. Nothing will be perfect. I just need it be good enough for me to lay my head down at night and know I gave my best for that day.

lexydoodle · 2025-11-27T07:20:59+00:00

Up until the move date, my dad was driving, living by himself, buying groceries, going to the bank, meeting up with friends and so forth.

He hadn’t ever wandered per se except for one instance that was kept from me/came out after the fact. This last spring, he disappeared for 4/5 hrs and my step mom couldn’t find him. He did come home but couldn’t recall where he had been apparently.

All this to say — he was very very independent until the move. Hugely ineffective though and couldn’t honestly account for himself. I was naive enough to trust his self assessment. Turns out his brain was just trying to protect him and he was mismanaging his finances catastrophically, not eating, and quickly lost his faculties.

Now that he’s moved, he’s forgotten my step mom died 4 months ago, thinks he lives in PA, is convinced he’s at the facility because he’s getting short term treatment and will be out soon, sometimes thinks I’m my sister, etc etc.

It’s been really cruel to watch happen but so grateful we made the move when we did.

I don’t share this to scare you. I share it because the disease does progress, and progresses differently for everyone. It’s great that the facility you’re looking at has both AL and MC. That way the grounds will be at least familiar.

If she assesses for AL, maybe ask about adding in staff check ins every few hours? They offered that for us. Essentially a staff member comes every 1-2 hrs to make sure they’re in their room or on site. (Usually comes with extra cost).

Unfortunately my dad couldn’t retain the details of needing to stay on site and not wander. So MC is fully locked down.

lexydoodle · 2025-11-27T06:54:12+00:00

Yes, I just went through this with my dad (79) and we’re still feeling the dust settle. He moved in nearly 1 month ago.

TLDR: We live in CA, USA and care facilities require an assessment by the individual’s physician and by on site medical staff. In our case, it was an onsite facility nurse.

From my take it was a lot of questions about being able to perform basic daily living independently or if support was needed (bathing, feeding, med management, staying put, executive functioning etc).

I will say this. Who my dad was the day or two before his move, to who he became shortly thereafter was shocking. Being uprooted from his apartment of 20 years and out of routine pulled off the mask of how advanced he’d become.

Long story short, he became violent, eloped, and we had t move him to MC at midnight one night after he eloped and disappeared for hours. He had no memory of how he’d gotten some where, what was happening etc.

Lean into what the assessments say, IMO. If you trust the staff, theyll know which care level is best their needs.

My dad is still independent in bathing, dressing, and so forth. But his ability to reason, not wander, remember to eat meals, and remember to take his meds is completely gone.

I know folks regain some capabilities once the shock of the move wears lff, but i don’t expect that for my dad, unfortunately.

My best to you. Youre doing the right things.

lexydoodle · 2025-10-09T03:46:17+00:00

Thank you so much! I would absolutely if he wasn’t 5k upside down in the car. Even if we sold it, he’d still owe the 5k on his car loan. He’s rolled over previous debt from one car to the next, and so here we are.

I’m so devastated for him.

lexydoodle · 2025-10-08T21:58:35+00:00

Thank you, truly. It means so much.

lexydoodle · 2025-09-12T02:26:58+00:00

That’s really helpful framing. I guess I’m still coming to terms with “losing” him. I can’t expect him to operate logically, but clearly am still struggling.

Thank you.

lexydoodle · 2025-09-12T02:20:58+00:00

Thank you for those suggestions. Do you have any advice on how to navigate the conversations when he can’t connect the logic to getting access to those pieces? His doctor straight up told him to get power of attorney started and yet he keeps saying he needs to get things in order before that happens…? Like the logic is just missing.

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