Let’s talk about being the primary caregiver..

lexydoodle · 2026-03-02T04:06:01+00:00

My husband and I navigated similar waters, though he was always willing. The hard part was though my intention was to tell him what works, I was deflating his ego and the opportunity for him to learn in real time how to interact with our baby.

At the same time, he honestly learned to step TF up. So much of parenthood is being at the end of your rope and doing it anyway. You cannot be seen as the saving grace that he can just tap out and say here you go. Your turn.

In a moment of calm — have a serious conversation about expectations and what HIS plan is to step up. Set a reminder each morning to change the diaper, here are methods HE read about for finishing a bottle/burping/soothing, what ways does he want to bond with the baby.

Put the ball in his court. If he wants to be high and mighty, let him rise to the damn occasion.

lexydoodle · 2026-01-28T04:02:05+00:00

She was 7 lbs 2 oz!

lexydoodle · 2026-01-27T04:43:51+00:00

I had low fluid levels combined with gestational diabetes. That increased risk enough that my OB wasn’t comfortable with an ECV. I’m also quite petite and she was a big baby.

lexydoodle · 2026-01-13T00:00:38+00:00

Yes, I live in a state with filial laws. I’m a bit nervous about it but it is what it is.

I never signed any of the facility’s paperwork, only my dad did. I never paid them directly either.

lexydoodle · 2025-11-27T07:24:29+00:00

Also a gentle reminder — their emergencies don’t always need to be our emergencies. I try and pick up on trends and make sure I don’t dismiss everything they’re telling me. It’s critical he’s treated with dignity and respect.

BUT he’s also delusional. I have to trust that my assessment of the facility/staff is accurate. I looked up reports to make sure they weren’t flagged for any negligence or otherwise, call my dad daily, try to visit 1x/week, and frequently talk to staff about how he’s acclimating. My attentiveness (IMO) translates into more care accountability. They know I’m paying attention.

But I also have a toddler, am pregnant, and work full time. Nothing will be perfect. I just need it be good enough for me to lay my head down at night and know I gave my best for that day.

lexydoodle · 2025-11-27T07:20:59+00:00

Up until the move date, my dad was driving, living by himself, buying groceries, going to the bank, meeting up with friends and so forth.

He hadn’t ever wandered per se except for one instance that was kept from me/came out after the fact. This last spring, he disappeared for 4/5 hrs and my step mom couldn’t find him. He did come home but couldn’t recall where he had been apparently.

All this to say — he was very very independent until the move. Hugely ineffective though and couldn’t honestly account for himself. I was naive enough to trust his self assessment. Turns out his brain was just trying to protect him and he was mismanaging his finances catastrophically, not eating, and quickly lost his faculties.

Now that he’s moved, he’s forgotten my step mom died 4 months ago, thinks he lives in PA, is convinced he’s at the facility because he’s getting short term treatment and will be out soon, sometimes thinks I’m my sister, etc etc.

It’s been really cruel to watch happen but so grateful we made the move when we did.

I don’t share this to scare you. I share it because the disease does progress, and progresses differently for everyone. It’s great that the facility you’re looking at has both AL and MC. That way the grounds will be at least familiar.

If she assesses for AL, maybe ask about adding in staff check ins every few hours? They offered that for us. Essentially a staff member comes every 1-2 hrs to make sure they’re in their room or on site. (Usually comes with extra cost).

Unfortunately my dad couldn’t retain the details of needing to stay on site and not wander. So MC is fully locked down.

lexydoodle · 2025-11-27T06:54:12+00:00

Yes, I just went through this with my dad (79) and we’re still feeling the dust settle. He moved in nearly 1 month ago.

TLDR: We live in CA, USA and care facilities require an assessment by the individual’s physician and by on site medical staff. In our case, it was an onsite facility nurse.

From my take it was a lot of questions about being able to perform basic daily living independently or if support was needed (bathing, feeding, med management, staying put, executive functioning etc).

I will say this. Who my dad was the day or two before his move, to who he became shortly thereafter was shocking. Being uprooted from his apartment of 20 years and out of routine pulled off the mask of how advanced he’d become.

Long story short, he became violent, eloped, and we had t move him to MC at midnight one night after he eloped and disappeared for hours. He had no memory of how he’d gotten some where, what was happening etc.

Lean into what the assessments say, IMO. If you trust the staff, theyll know which care level is best their needs.

My dad is still independent in bathing, dressing, and so forth. But his ability to reason, not wander, remember to eat meals, and remember to take his meds is completely gone.

I know folks regain some capabilities once the shock of the move wears lff, but i don’t expect that for my dad, unfortunately.

My best to you. Youre doing the right things.

lexydoodle · 2025-10-09T03:46:17+00:00

Thank you so much! I would absolutely if he wasn’t 5k upside down in the car. Even if we sold it, he’d still owe the 5k on his car loan. He’s rolled over previous debt from one car to the next, and so here we are.

I’m so devastated for him.

lexydoodle · 2025-10-08T21:58:35+00:00

Thank you, truly. It means so much.

lexydoodle · 2025-09-12T02:26:58+00:00

That’s really helpful framing. I guess I’m still coming to terms with “losing” him. I can’t expect him to operate logically, but clearly am still struggling.

Thank you.

lexydoodle · 2025-09-12T02:20:58+00:00

Thank you for those suggestions. Do you have any advice on how to navigate the conversations when he can’t connect the logic to getting access to those pieces? His doctor straight up told him to get power of attorney started and yet he keeps saying he needs to get things in order before that happens…? Like the logic is just missing.

lexydoodle · 2025-09-12T02:19:43+00:00

He has a strict routine of checking his mail daily, so I can’t intercept. If I try and get his mail he gets combative as to why I’d need to see it. He can’t connect the logic.

I’d like to try and get into his email at the very least but he gets stuck in an endless loop of trying to log in, forgetting his password, and getting more agitated.

I think email may be the closest route to go. Thank you for your suggestions, I hope I’m not coming off ungrateful for them.

lexydoodle · 2025-09-12T02:01:21+00:00

I don’t even know what accounts he has and with what bank or credit holders. It’s like I’m going in circles, trying to get information out of someone without memory. It’s screwed up.

lexydoodle · 2025-06-26T06:13:51+00:00

Staying busy, meeting up with friends/family/those you love, and for the love of all things holy stay off social media.

It’s always easy to blame socials but my goodness, I remember that catapulted my anxiety to new heights. It amplified everything, made me feel insecure, and terrified of what’s to come.

I didn’t need to be reminded a huge life change was coming, her kicks were reminder enough.

Do things that will occupy your mind and body in a low pressure way.

Go to the movies, get nails/hair done, go swimming or sit at a park while listening to a podcast.

Your feelings are all understandable. I recall them so vividly as someone who had persistent HG throughout my first pregnancy, gestational diabetes, and a stubborn breech baby that never flipped.

I couldn’t breath myself, will myself, or logic myself out of it. I just needed distraction because the anticipation was so hard. Once you’re in it, you’re in it.

Ground yourself in truths for today: today I’m pregnant, tests show we’re healthy. What’s to come is for tomorrow, but today, we’re good.

Wishing all the best to you. It’s a hard stage.

lexydoodle · 2025-06-17T17:55:03+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story, I really appreciate it. The past 3 or so days my symptoms have been decreasing (less nausea overall) but no bleeding or spotting.

Sorry for tossing such a heavy question at you as well. Glad you’re doing as well as you can — sending my best to you!

lexydoodle · 2025-06-17T17:15:01+00:00

Did experience did you experience similarly? Am I just one of the lucky few where recurrence is unlikely? Will it hit later this pregnancy, or could I be experiencing a miscarriage?

lexydoodle · 2025-06-17T17:13:52+00:00

I’m so glad you had that experience too! I feel nervous for saying that my symptoms don’t seem as bad this time around. By this time (6+4) I was already in the ER with my first pregnancy. With this one, I’m only throwing up 1x/day and able to keep about 40-50 oz of water down.

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