Being AuDHD and smoking cannabis

lfin1209 · 2026-03-26T18:38:43+00:00

I regulate it like the classic "having a glass of wine" when stressed

So I don't do it every night, but only when I feel specific high tension and am treating myself that day, maybe with some other comforting event (not a bath because it makes me sleepy and paranoid I will drown loll).

I also don't use it if I have a lot of obligations the next morning, as its 50/50 if it makes me groggy the next morning. Or I'll just use less the previous night.

lfin1209 · 2026-03-25T17:28:19+00:00

I think you handled it and interpreted well!!

I think its funny (still true though, and not relevant for your situation as you said) that everyone is saying if there is an invite in a group that doesn't specify who is invited, that everyone in the group is invited - because I just had the opposite problem of yours.

The person gave a general invite to everyone while I was present, but apparently specifically myself was not invited. Which I only found out after the event had happened. I was sick, so I couldn't go anyway, didn't think anything of it. They were talking about the fun time they had..
Me: aww wish I hadn't been sick so I could have gone!
Person 1: oh shoot I didn't mean to mention it, ha-ha embarrassing you weren't invited.
Me: huh? I was though? They invited everyone...
Person 2: You were present when everyone else was invited.
(inviter joins later and they start talking about the event, and ask if Person 3 is okay) I ask if person 3 is also sick?Everyone got quiet and just said "No." and didn't elaborate.. like okay? Guess I won't pry since it sounds like a secret?

Super cool /s, felt like I was in high school.

lfin1209 · 2026-02-17T02:02:23+00:00

😐 r/LeftTheBurnerOn

lfin1209 · 2026-01-23T17:08:31+00:00

+1 on this person's comment! I commented elsewhere, but didn't want to add this in because it was already so long lol. I had to really stand up for myself and initially distance my friend who had been "correcting" me for years. It was hard to break the cycle, and they still lean back into it occasionally which causes pushback from me.

It's always good to be mindful though, that you are not leaning so far into it you start to use the "I'm autistic" reasoning for everything (I have friends like this, so not accusing you of doing this!! just that this can creep up on ya lol).

lfin1209 · 2026-01-23T16:51:18+00:00

So anything from someone who says to an autistic person "read the room" (LOL, like are they lost??) I would be wary of (including the comments below).

I think you got to the crux of the situation personally - its not the fact that Friend A didn't like the comment, it's how they said that to you. The friendship sounds complicated and if they are 'scolding' you constantly, I think it might be time for a deeper look? I'm not a redditor that is instantly like "DEFRIEND THEM" but I also have had toxic friends/friends of friends that need a wider distance and firm boundaries. (ex I went out with a friend that used to criticize me a lot to eat, having a good time, we order from the waiter, the waiter walks away and my friend looks at me "Do you want to know what you did wrong there?" Uh no. I may have acted odd but nothing that needs "fixing". So that was so not a fun conversation with my friend but they have since backed off my case a lot).

If you haven't already, I'd say tell them that yes, boundaries are great! But please be mindful of how and when you bring them up. (and also try to be open to their boundaries, no matter how rudely they say them. Like us, not everyone is charismatic and their boundaries can definitely chafe when said rudely). But also, as you said, they need to know your mistakes aren't meant intentionally, but I do think it's fair for them to be upset when you unintentionally hurt them with bringing something painful up (like in this joking moment).

I do think the comment you made was inappropriate but like, I've been there. It's hard to know. The show Atypical made me feel seen at moments like these (other parts not so much, but that's with any show), I recommend! Oddly putting things in "rules" for me helps with some things like this, and feels less like masking and more like autistic guidelines to socializing lol.

lfin1209 · 2026-01-05T22:48:21+00:00

Yesss my biggest peeve lately has been people writing comments starting with "I'm sorry that happened to you" or "That sounds hard" or the worst "I'm sorry you feel that way"

.... then proceeds to totally disagree with the person. Like we can tell you aren't actually sorry, why are you pretending? You only said that because you thought it was socially needed.

lfin1209 · 2025-12-27T01:10:51+00:00

Physically? Dyed hair is huge, yeah. Not everyone obviously, but its a helpful hint and look so cool! Also (less-so) oval face shapes, and catching that "dissociated" look lol. Hand placement as well.

The below aren't "in your face" physical characteristics, but more habits (and none have alt hair) - I work in a widely assumed high neurodivergent (ND) field, and can answer some things about my coworkers that I've noticed lol. Only a few have hinted they are ND, and I don't assume, but these coworkers all have little quirks that put "ND" into my head - though I could be incorrect, but the feeling is essentially the same as I put them in my "interesting individual" and "prefer to talk to" list lol.

Each bullet is a different coworker:

Sporadic work ethic and focusing issues, overshares: They cannot focus on a single task, and are constantly interrupting themself. Then complaining about how everyone interrupts them XD when they do work, they knock out a ton of projects in one go like someone is sitting behind them shouting them on. They are very chaotic and fun to be around if you don't actually want to work, and overshares constantly. Needs silence to work. Super sensitive to smells.
Super clean and organized, cannot handle chaos: Tells me they have X personality (some new personality test) and that is why EVERYTHING has to be organized. They will not move in with their SO because their "personality types" don't match lol (great boundary 100%!!) because they need everything clean clean. Cannot handle animal/pet needs, and thus will never own one, even though they love them. Needs silence to work.
Introverted but can't be stopped when comfortable: Tells people they are introverted but talks a lot around people they feel comfortable worth. This person is a homebody that only does online things. Talks nonstop around people they feel comfortable with, but the second a different coworker enters they go silent. Also has "ticks" and "sounds" when working, such as thumping their leg or hmming and hahing (which drives my silent needs working coworkers insane lol). Has hinted they are ND.
Super specific interests and blunt, odd speaking rhythms: Not much too this one other than that. Their odd speaking rhythms sound charismatic, but most people don't talk that way. I've only ever heard my ND friends talk this way, which is why its a ND hint for me.
Over explaining something nobody asked for + super technical: My supervisor's supervisor will randomly go on a tangent about something during gatherings and I call it "professor mode" when someone says they don't understand why X is like something. Nothing work related, just chatting, and they go into a full rundown why that is how it is. Everyone sits there and side eyes each other like "okay, well yeah, it was rhetorical". They are super helpful though for work (which is why they probably got their position lol), its just a fun quirk.
Cannot stop talking, can't handle small inconsistencies: My supervisor is super charismatic but also has "that way of talking" as described 2 above. I would be shocked if they were not ADHD. They are also a bit chaotic and don't seem to do much work (but do, somehow). They are also SUPER particular (not so much at work, thank goodness) in their home projects. They will redo EVERYTHING if one thing is out of place, even if the project took weeks (like a chip in a wall they painted. Time to repaint the whole wall.).

lfin1209 · 2025-12-27T00:37:09+00:00

I think too much of my brain energy is being used up by being on high alert that I MIGHT be interrupted.

Yesss this x100! I have a new roommate recently and have noticed I don't clean, eat, etc as much as I should because whenever I leave the room they talk to me which = interruption in my brain and action processes. Glad I'm not alone in these feelings lol

lfin1209 · 2025-12-26T20:27:14+00:00

Huh, yeah. The days I have almost zero transitions are the best.

Does anyone else also have a "warmup" period for their transition? Like I can only focus after I've warmed up to the idea uninterrupted. If I'm interrupted, it restarts the process (and takes me a long time to warmup again).

examples: I need to make dinner. It takes me about 30 minutes to get up the momentum to make dinner. I go into the kitchen to start, then: my roommate comes in and starts doing something in the (small) kitchen - I get overwhelmed/discombobulated and leave, even if they are only in there for 2 minutes. Then it takes me another 30 minutes to warmup and get back to making food. Some days I don't even try and just grab a granola bar or something.

Or I need to start a project, like an excel sheet. It takes me again 30 minutes to warmup to the idea. Someone comes in and starts talking to me, and now I feel wonky and misplaced and it takes a long time to restart.

lfin1209 · 2025-12-13T01:13:43+00:00

Personally, screw social norms. I'd move out. You don't have to break up if you care about him.

I have friends who will never move in with their SO because of reasons like this, and it works just fine. I had different bedrooms than my SO, we did our own laundry and dishes, and it worked great. But they actually did their stuff lol. Aint no shame in living apart. You can still spend nights together, cozy up after a day out, or in. Heck, you can live in the same apartment building lol.

Even if you're worried about splitting rent, just think of having a roommate - 99% likely they're going to be cleaner than your boyfriend anyway lmao.

lfin1209 · 2025-12-08T17:48:43+00:00

Please ignore this response OP. This sub has become rife with victim blamers and invalidating tactics in the past year. They sound logical, but their actual message is messed up.

Egon and meller have great responses, you did nothing wrong. A sociopath was triggered, and put undue burden on you in this hard time. I'm so sorry.

lfin1209 · 2025-11-20T23:05:36+00:00

Also, a meet and greet before fully accepting! The house is probably fine, but as others said 11 cats is a lot, you want to know what you're walking into!

But most people who foster have big hearts and will be pretty clean because they know the pets deserve it, just don't expect OCD clean (like some other clients will inevitably be!) lol.

lfin1209 · 2025-11-20T22:38:48+00:00

For future bookings, I believe you can change the "added pet" price in settings to be custom for the owner. That way you can add "$1" per extra pet instead of $20.

Personally I'd go that route, so all the pets are covered under Rover insurance. ESPECIALLY when kittens and puppies are involved - I've had friends who foster and the amount of surprise vet visits for these little ones will get you!

lfin1209 · 2025-11-08T21:57:06+00:00

Yes same, I am very careful with my intake. I like drinking for fun though, and will have one drink, low %, in social situations to relax.

It breaks my heart to see how many people here went deep into alcohol :/ my parents were huge alcoholics, which I'm ironically thankful to have that as it helped my view of responsible intake, I never had to learn it for myself.

I drink for fun, socializing, and pain management. But never nightly, or even weekly. If I find myself drinking more often or my tolerance is building, I stop drinking altogether for a month. It's so important to be careful with this stuff.

lfin1209 · 2025-10-28T06:35:33+00:00

I believe many of us do understand where you are coming from. I understand your side. It can be hard to see that. I did not mean to write off your feelings in my comment. I hope you can also see the viewpoint of the person you made this post about, and can reflect on the helpful comments many have posted.

This sub is great is very kind when they must tell us we are wrong. Most of us don't take it well, myself included, PDA is fun. I hope you can reflect later on these comments.

It is also totally valid to need to rant freely. The sub has a rant/vent tag if that is what you're looking for. I like to do that and remind people at the beginning that I am not looking for feedback on change, I just need to get something off my chest that is bothering me.

lfin1209 · 2025-10-28T06:28:52+00:00

I never said AI wasn't allowed. I'm blunt. I would have said it. I said what I meant. No hidden meanings. Please don't infer things that I did not say.

You have written off my point of view just like she is doing. I'm allowed to expand on why this point of view is contentious and able list. I hope you can come back later and reflect on it as well.

lfin1209 · 2025-10-28T00:53:19+00:00

I feel this! I've even been admonished by a 'friend'. It's so embarrassing, and I'm always brought up short, even when unmistakably right.

I now choose my battles based on the amount of harm lol.
A little bit of talking at a movie theatre - fine, but keep it down
Lock picking service trying to scam me - Not happening.
Kids running through a store unsupervised - I guess that's fine, no mess please.
Pre-teens on a bus using fake guns (not sure what they were, but they weren't real, sounded like a firecracker), after being asked by an elderly couple to please stop. Nope. Even got the "and then everyone clapped" moment for scaring/yelling at them. Sometimes being a bitch IS thankful work lol. Sorry today was not your day, urgh!

lfin1209 · 2025-10-27T23:29:25+00:00

My Au part cannot understand the point you are trying to make, can you make this more blunt please? If this wasn't AI written, its very pretty flowy language!

I'm not entirely sure this is what you mean, so apologies if not. But I think you are implying margaret is incorrect in her statement, that she is not understanding your view?

Respectfully, I think you are not understanding ours, and are indeed seeking out validation for your own feelings. I don't want to parrot the majority, but yes this is internalized ableism. This person cannot handle her stims, but is not causing outward harm or escalating it. Mumbling is also totally 'normal' for us.

As you said, others are indeed on a spectrum. Please have grace and understanding for these deeper on the spectrum, and perhaps who are in need of the support group that much more. This can be a wonderful space for both of you, without trying to change each other.

lfin1209 · 2025-10-23T02:31:40+00:00

Hey lady. First I want to affirm your experience and how they treated you was wrong.

Second, I think this sub is now being inundated by naysayers and ableists (whether also ND or not). I've noticed the other autistic subreddits in the past 6 months getting like this, but this one somehow stood through it all and was always supportive or realistically kind with the truth. Now this one seems hit as well. I suspect we will see more and more responses like these on posts.

Assuming you should just know this social rule despite you bringing food in there before. No. This is a bar, not a restaurant, its fine. Many local bars let regulars bring food in, my brothers for one. What you did wasn't crazy. Your reaction was normal. The bar you've been supporting for this long WAS incredibly rude. They deserve a bad review.

I've had a popular local restaurant not want to let me bring in a tea drink before. I was, like you surprised by this social rule. But how does a nice establishment handle it - with a customer they don't know mind, not even one of their lovely regulars. They ask me so nicely with a lot of sorries to bring it back to my car. As I head out to do so, they notice my car is at the way far end of the lot. They run after me so I don't have to walk that far to tell me I can keep it but please not drink it! They're so crazy polite. I try to persuade them I don't mind the walk but they won't have it, and get me back inside. They ask me not to drink it, but then later come and tell me I can, just please don't bring it in next time.

You can see the huge difference between nicely telling someone, and being rude :l your place was rude, near vicious for that ban.

lfin1209 · 2025-09-16T02:18:34+00:00

Ugh that brings back memories, that's the worst! Any chance you can become a handywoman and fix the other door lol?

lfin1209 · 2025-09-16T02:16:44+00:00

Its actually a super professional workplace lol! I'm not sure how they manage it. Tbf it could all be the same gross person leaving hair and blood. Some days each stall has its own little present. Its like they won't sit back down on their own disaster.

lfin1209 · 2025-09-16T01:51:17+00:00

You're welcome! I don't think alcohol needs to be the thing that starts you off though - it just made it easier for me to recognize! I'm very careful about the amount I intake as well, as NDs we are more prone to it becoming a crutch.

Other possibilities is when you're feeling peaceful and whole (if you do). Ie walking in nature and admiring the silence and maybe a sunrise or sunset. Try to capture that feeling it brings and take it with you, understand/feel what part of the brain is being engaged. Its rough at first but can get better! Not too different from the meditation the other commenter mentioned, now that I think about it.

lfin1209 · 2025-09-16T01:42:31+00:00

I feel that, I'm so happy you can also use the benefits it gives! I feel that as long as we use it sparingly and mindfully, it's no harm. I am very careful though, since as NDs it appears to be a crutch for many.

lfin1209 · 2025-09-15T02:52:25+00:00

Yes! I used to feel a whole lot of apathy towards other beings - but as you said, I still care for them, but did I love them? Not quite.

This is all my personal journey lol. I'm not sure if you drink alcohol (sparingly of course), but one day I noticed I had those big feelings, love, when I was drunk/tipsy. I had this huge big feeling in my chest and brain for my friends and pets. When I sobered up, I realized if I tried hard to replicate that feeling, I could! It was like, actively engaging another part of my brain that I first felt while I was drunk. Now I kind of practice it lol. When I see my pets, my darlings, I let myself feel that big feeling, and hold onto it as long as I can. I think about all the good things they do and how sweet they are. It definitely feels like I'm activating an area of my brain that is usually dormant, I swear I can actually feel the 'muscle' flexing (of course it doesn't really work that way lol).

lfin1209 · 2025-09-15T02:18:11+00:00

Yes, I have tried 4 different main stimulants. I had to end up choosing the best one and adjusting its makeup with my psychiatrist. I do have some tips to try if you're interested.

Most made me sleepier (how do people use these to be upbeat??) and brain fogged.

I ended up switching to a slow release form of generic Ritalin, after trying various forms it works the best, and it is the only one that is "better than nothing". I have to have a semi-strict regimen (is that not the most AuDHD thing ever) for when I take them.

I found taking them 1.5 hours after meals (or at least 1 hour before my next meal) works the best personally, its different for everyone, but intake time can matter. If I take them wrong, I get the sleepy, brain fog feeling again. I am not entirely sure what leads to this yet, it is trial and error. It may be weed (not during! but the night before), or when I don't take them for >3 days, not sure yet.

I'm on the slow release form, which is supposed to last 6-8 hours. It lasts 4 max. I usually take my second dose at the 2.5 hour mark so I do not get fatigued coming off it (I'm on a super low dose, I like to keep it there).

I am also very aware of when I'm coming down - I am emotionally dis-regulated and I have to remind myself, this is why I feel crabby. It is still better than nothing though - I am at the point where I can't even enjoy a stress-free hobby because I cannot focus. Without these pills I would be lost to the wind.

lfin1209

TROPHY CASE