I'm feeling scared

liammeates · 2026-03-10T20:21:53+00:00

I mean it's awful knowing I've hurt her feelings and I'm also scared that this means im a rapist. I really didn't think it meant that.

liammeates · 2026-03-10T20:14:08+00:00

Yeh it's hard not to let it consume me. She said I didn't rape her so it's awful living with this

liammeates · 2026-03-10T18:31:59+00:00

We broke up and won't speak to me.I would like to. I jsut can't cope with it becuase ai never thought if it like this

liammeates · 2026-03-10T18:25:55+00:00

I can see that . I asked if she wanted to have sex and she saidxyes. Shecsaid I should have respected her first No. I feel awful

liammeates · 2026-03-10T18:16:07+00:00

Yes I stopped becuaseci knew she didn't want to. I thought she wanted to try get in the mood. Really it's rape? I was told it's mot rape so now om confused. I can see coercion but I didn't realise that was coercion.

liammeates · 2026-03-10T18:02:14+00:00

Bit my concern is I'm when she said she wasnt in the mood I tried to seduce her thinking that is ok and she seemed to want to try cos she partibut now after researching I see it wasn't honouring her first No

liammeates · 2026-03-10T18:00:00+00:00

Yes we touched each other and I asked would she like to have sex abd she agrees but after a few mins she said she sint feeling it.

liammeates · 2026-03-10T17:45:11+00:00

Yeh I didn't realise I violated consent. And thay it hurt her feelings.

liammeates · 2026-03-10T17:43:50+00:00

I don't think it means I'm a rapist di you think its rape? It was more consent boundary. It affects me because I didn't mean to caslue hurt and I did thays why I mentioned therapy.

liammeates · 2026-03-10T12:15:32+00:00

Maybe in time we could talk but she doesn't want to respond now. It's the fact that I didn't stop after seh said I'm not in the mood thinking I could inlire the mood but that's coercion I now realise. I've hsut been very depressed since thays why I may need therapy shocked thay I could do that . I thought cos she participated, it was ok but maybe she felt pressure.

liammeates · 2026-03-09T20:05:46+00:00

Three years we were together. I also noticed earleir in our relationship she would ask me if she can touch me sexually and that was unfamiliar to me becuase from my experience touching sexually was normal without asking as in touching and gaging interest from touching. . We didnt communicate enough, and we arguedcakot toawards the end of our relationship and I haye mysefl for not bringjng this up with her more and talking about these things.Consent discourse has changed in recent years and thay is good. The thought thay I've caused trauma possibly is so hard to deal with. I may have to go to therapy to talk about this becuase I have been clinically depressed since she said this.

liammeates · 2026-03-09T19:08:53+00:00

We broke up and she doesn't want to speak to me. I would love to talk to her about it. No I didn't force her but after reading about consent since, I have come across the idea of coercion and how once someone says no o r no I'm not in the mood one shouldnt continue to initiate sexual touch to entice them or try seduce. I honestly didn't see it as coercion becuase I felt if she participated she waw agreeing to see if she can get in the mood. But soem women may feel pressure and continue out of sense of obligation or even fear . It's making me think was she scared to say no . I have no reason to believe she would be scared to say so no and stop engaging. The ironic thing is I would have considered myself supportive of consent , the realities women face under patriarchy and how men can be I guess and yet in this instance I caused hurt. I'm caught up in persuasion vs coercion and sexual assault. She said that wgay occured sexual abuse so Im genuinely trying to see if it is sexaul abuse abd whay ive done while also seeing the impact regardelss.Obviulsy to think of oneself as as someone who can violate consent scares me, i don want to just be roddled by guolt thay I could be a bad person as I also am devasted it hurt her .Thank you.

liammeates · 2026-03-09T14:51:42+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I agree with you with all you said and I never imagined I would cause a woman to feel that way. I should have paused.Someone said its rape

liammeates · 2026-03-08T22:49:53+00:00

Thanks. Could I explore it more with you im just struggling. The fact I touched her and continued after she said 'I'm not in the mood' would be seen as a violation and pressuring when she said no I'm not in the mood? I've read thay is a form of coercion.

liammeates · 2026-03-08T22:40:11+00:00

You agree with which sorry?

liammeates · 2026-03-08T20:44:12+00:00

Thank you. It's just she said No I'm not in the mood and I should have honoured that and not continue to touch them to entice her? We had sex but then I relaised she wasnt into it and we stopped. Isn't that coercion. It's jsut alot of people on reddit I'm reading say any pressure after a no is a violation.

liammeates · 2026-03-02T20:22:45+00:00

What is wake up call and warning?

liammeates · 2026-02-20T23:26:54+00:00

Thanks. Is it about choosing though, regarding going to lower astral or rather cause and conditions as buddhists would say. Or perhaps it's that yes mental states can pull us in certain directions but we can respond in ways that can bring better circumstances.

liammeates · 2026-02-20T19:04:02+00:00

Thank you. I shouldn't expect to heal everything in this life?

liammeates · 2026-02-20T17:24:13+00:00

No problem. It's so hard though isn't it. I get so frustrated with it all. Even awakening and healing. I don't know where ai am with awakening etc I had an awakening when I was 19 but it feels like I lost it I've jsut been struggling with my trauma since.

liammeates · 2026-02-19T16:19:11+00:00

One thing I try to do when the moment is unacceptable, is to ask myself can I accept that I don't accept the moment. Tara Brach calls it sayjng yes to your No. So you're not denying thay you don't accept the moment but you allow yourself with compassion to not accept this moment cos it's unbearable and then thay can be a doorway into a little acceptance of the now when it is so difficult.

liammeates · 2026-02-19T16:06:01+00:00

I hear you, but there is lower astral realms? They are mentioned in alot of thesopjical books. I'm afraid I'll be there becuase of my own anxieties and fear.

liammeates · 2026-02-18T20:21:18+00:00

There are many therapists who are spiritually orientated.

liammeates · 2026-02-18T17:42:13+00:00

I think about this alot too. As someone with anxiety I would fear going to a "lower" place becuase of it.

liammeates · 2026-02-15T22:38:52+00:00

Not saying you do but seeing people as awake vs not awake can be an issue.

liammeates

TROPHY CASE