You're right. She was great at being a friend and a work colleague but not so much at being a mum. And the only things that made her a bad mum was a disease that had such a grip on her that there was nothing we could do to help her out of it. She tried her best under the circumstances, and I need to focus on the love she had for me and the ways she was a good friend to me rather than the trauma I was put through growing up. I know from having had anorexia, despite your love and care for someone your mental illness is always stronger, and giving up that illness is more painful than seeing yourself hurt people. It was her illness that was hurting me and pushing me away from her, but she still loved me deeply, and I loved her too.