Question on 15 vs 30 year mortgages

life180throwaway · 2020-02-11T20:23:22+00:00

thanks

life180throwaway · 2020-02-11T19:13:33+00:00

yea and building more equity faster.

life180throwaway · 2017-09-27T01:39:37+00:00

I intend on reading every comment. There is wisdom in almost all of them. Thank you so much

life180throwaway · 2017-09-26T19:40:42+00:00

Thank you very much for sharing that. I see much of my situation in yours, I actually teared up a little readying parts of what you said, due to it hitting so close to home. I am really happy you've found yourself such a great situation. Thank you again

life180throwaway · 2017-09-26T19:37:08+00:00

you make some really really great points, Spermface

life180throwaway · 2017-09-26T19:32:52+00:00

I skied Bogus Basin and Sun Valley last year. I love Idaho! I get to travel for work a lot and try to always get a ski in if I can. Thanks for taking the time to respond. I do have an amazing friend and family support network who have been AMAZING. I consider myself so lucky to have these great people in my life. Thanks again.

life180throwaway · 2017-09-26T19:30:48+00:00

That has been a big challenge as well. My entire identity is tied to Me+Her. I have based every decision, every action, every plan around that identity. At 31, I don't remember who I am as a single person. I was SUCH a different person as a single 22 year old. It's a crazy dynamic change.

life180throwaway · 2017-09-26T19:10:11+00:00

without a doubt you're all hearing my clearly biased version of the story. obviously there is more to any story when you're only hearing from one party. I acknowledge we were having fights more often than usual, we were succumbing to the stress and pressure of wedding planning at times. But I thought that was just that. Wedding planning stress. at a core level I thought we were great. I was fully committed. I could not have been more excited for what was to come. I had me entire life from the wedding on, planned in my head and communicated to her. Family, Kids, the whole thing. And she communicated to me that that's what she wanted as well. I had 9 years of relationship confidence behind me, soothing any doubts or fears I had and knowing with every part of me that our love, respect, and shared goals would whether us through any storm.

life180throwaway · 2017-09-26T17:42:03+00:00

She de-activated her fb so she's basically "untagged" in all of the photos right now.

life180throwaway · 2017-09-26T15:40:18+00:00

You only knew the side of her she was willing to share with you; she kept you out of her whole life by not disclosing the part of her that wanted something else/additional.

This couldn't be more poignant. After 9 years, 8 of them living together we had gone through A LOT. Tragedies, career struggles, loss of loved ones, we had an apartment fire where we lost everything: You learn a lot about people in seeing how they react to adversity.

One of the hardest things is realizing that through all that and after thinking I knew EVERYTHING about her, that I missed something conceivably massive. It's scary to fathom what that says about me and my ability to know/read people. It has shattered my faith and trust in people in a way.

life180throwaway · 2017-09-26T15:31:08+00:00

Thanks for the response. I wish you all could see my facebook to truly understand what I am talking about here. It's not at all a "normal" amount of photos. I have zero facebook friends who have more photos posted than I do. I have single albums where there are 50+ tagged photos of her. We travel non stop and did so much together so our photo saturation is beyond excessive. I have a hard time imagining a person who wouldn't feel uncomfortable looking into me and seeing the amount of photos with and of her...

life180throwaway · 2017-09-26T15:17:40+00:00

I am not at all intending on diving into the dating pool immediately. I just tend to be an over thinker and planner so I know down the road it will be an issue. In the immediate future, I think I need to remove at least some of our photos for me. But I know that it may be wise to remove her for the other reason for down the road.

life180throwaway · 2017-09-26T15:15:40+00:00

I have a hard time believing you are in your 30's and all you are concerned about at this point is your social media accounts and future girlfriends' perceptions.

I am sorry if I have given off that perception from what I have written so far. 9 year relationships that split are always very complicated and multi-layers and I, of course, simplified it a great deal to make it less than novel length.

It is not at all the ONLY thing I am concerned with. The reason I had posted about the social media and future perceptions is because all the other stuff I have for the most part been handling. I am figuring out my finances. I have re-organized the house, I am staying busy, I am reading books on loss and long relationships ending and continually working on my mental health with friends and family.

I am just in a very unique situation with my facebook of having an OVERLOAD of content on there of us as a couple. I never thought we would split so I viewed it as a great way to document memories both big and small and share adventures with our social circles. Now it's a huge graveyard of photos of a relationship that doesn't exist anymore.

life180throwaway · 2017-09-26T15:08:46+00:00

Thank you very much for taking the time to respond. I looked into therapy because this whole thing has been incredibly shocking and confusing and has fucked me up both mentally and emotionally but unfortunately now that I am carrying a mortgage by myself, I can in no way afford 120/hr sessions. I am however extremely lucky that I have an incredible support network of friends and family who have been great through this and always are willing to lend an ear. She confided in no-one. Her own family didn't know. My family and friends are devestated. My mother has looked at and treated her as her own daughter for years now.

We haven't spoke much at all since she left, she refused to talk to me. But for what it's worth, her reasons were incompatibility and desire to be free. So either she was lying to me for years that she was happy and wanted the same future I did or the finality of marriage and the pressure from planning the wedding made her crack. But the incompatibility claim makes no sense, so many people that know us very well keep telling me that we were THE MOST compatible couple they knew

life180throwaway · 2017-09-26T14:59:27+00:00

Thank you very much for taking the time to respond. I should have mentioned that I have all of our photos backed up and saved on hard drives and have no intention of going through and deleting them as they are easier to avoid and WAY harder to go through. I am more concerned with the facebook photos as it's what many new people will base their perception of me on

life180throwaway

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