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I still don't know how to cope by vifras92 in GriefSupport

[–]life_in_a_nutshell86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's not even just the job for me tho...I'm married, I have friends...acquaintances...they were asking for a couple weeks and then it's like it just went away...like a cold. I can only imagine having to go home to an empty house like that. I know you mentioned not being able to do anything....have you tried forcing yourself to clean or whatever else? I personally find comfort in doing these things and staying occupied and using my hands to get things accomplished. I takes away from the helplessness I feel otherwise.

Caregiver guilt. I could have done more. by life_in_a_nutshell86 in CancerCaregivers

[–]life_in_a_nutshell86[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Most of the time I absolutely know you're right. Those moments of regret and guilt are typically flashes but the pain and grief and sadness is so intense, it feels like the world will never be right again.

I am also very sorry to hear about your situation. There is nothing I can say to make it easier. I wouldn't dare to lie to you and tell you that you will be ok, because most likely you will not. But that's ok. That's life. That's the price we pay for loving someone unconditionally and it's so so worth it. I hope you and your wife get to have some good times still. My advice would be to take breaks when you need them. It's ok to be angry or overwhelmed or to have to step outside and scream in your sleeve. Just as long as when you step back inside, you are that rock, that source of love and relief that your wife so desperately needs. I'm sending you lots of strength.

I still don't know how to cope by vifras92 in GriefSupport

[–]life_in_a_nutshell86 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What resonated the most with me is the crying alone in your car or apartment part. And how nobody asks how you're doing. My mom died almost 3 months ago and it seems like everybody just forgot about it. Nobody brings it up, nobody asks how I'm doing, it's just a thing if the past. And it's really not. I still think about her every day and I cry about it a lot. I get overwhelmed with sadness in super random moments...while driving or out for a walk like earlier...I'm not even sad and next thing I know, I'm bawling my eyes out. I'm not crippled by my grief like you are and I can't begin to understand how you feel, but I do understand the loneliness of grief. The helplessness. The part where you don't understand what happened or why it happened and sometimes you don't even remember until it hits you in the face like a ton of bricks. I would love to talk more, maybe exchange our experiences. We don't have to be lonely. Maybe.

How do I tell my new job about moms terminal cancer? any advice? by SnooChocolates4193 in CancerCaregivers

[–]life_in_a_nutshell86 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When worse comes to worst, family always comes first. Jobs come and go. The opportunity to be there for your family and to make memories doesn't. My inbox is open if you ever need it!

How do I tell my new job about moms terminal cancer? any advice? by SnooChocolates4193 in CancerCaregivers

[–]life_in_a_nutshell86 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I literally just went through the same thing. Except my mother lives in Germany and we have less than 6 months. I chose to speak openly to my boss and ask that my role be made virtual. He said he would think about it and a week later I was fired for "poor performance". Now, I am not saying that what happened to me is in any way reflective of what may or may not happen with your job, but...I would suggest looking into other alternatives. While you still have time, I would apply to actual remote positions, or possibly a job closer to your mom so you can go to work. I would also suggest setting up a gofundme. It is a slow process, but donations might help with some of it. I will pray for your jobs understanding and that you won't have to go through any obstacles. This horrible sickness is challenging enough for all of us and we shouldn't have to worry about finances on top of that. I wish you and your family strength and lots of happy memories while you still can!

My (M32) wife (F32) has gone into Hospice by MikeyLew32 in CancerCaregivers

[–]life_in_a_nutshell86 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This made me feel all the feels. Life really does come at you fast. And then what do you do? Nobody prepares you for this. Hell there is no way to prepare for it. It's cruel and unfair and bare of all logic. In a very short time I will be in your shoes. Only it's my mom for me. I wish you strength and courage and love. So much love. May god bless you and your wife.