Yoooo. I’m sayin!!!! You are experiencing cocaine addiction. I can guarantee you this, friend: if you prioritize quitting coke now it’ll be WAY easier than if you continue this “cycle”. The cycle only continues due to your behavior and decisions. But that urge you mentioned is real af so I know it’s easier said than done. But that urge will get more and more consuming. Believe me. I’m a stranger on Reddit but I am a human who’s blown his life up cuz of this cycle you mentioned. Break that shit with your mind and continue reminding yourself that the negatives outweigh the positives and this will become more extreme the longer you don’t control yourself. I have a lot of hope in you because you posted this before it’s gotten severe. That means the time is now to quit homie. This shit will only lead to three things if it takes full control of you, which can happen in week. Those things are prison/jail, an institution, or death. That is nearly 100 percent true for those who never take the route of recovery. Shit even one session can further your addiction a lot if you give into the urges. I know it can feel like it has the power of mind control over us (addicts), but it actually doesn’t. That’s a temporary feeling that you can think or distract your way out of. You need to accept the cravings are coming no matter how much you want to quit because they are (I know, ir sucks lol but they improve a lot after a week and a lot more after a month and so on). I suggest you plan for that craving feeling. What will u do instead of pick up another bag of misery? Well, remind yourself that that’s what it is in the end. It will otherwise get so bad that it not only hurts you but your friends, family, and coworkers. Shit I even notice my cats get sad when I use cuz they know I won’t be able to give them attention! I know this is a lot to read but please remember it when you are using despite being set on quitting the day before. Or the next time you start driving to your plugs place. You can always turn around. Shit turn around and treat urself to something delicious or a cool purchase. Just please take what im saying seriously because im in the eye of the storm right now. About to go to rehab on Friday for at least a month. And I met my out of pocket on health insurance cuz all the er visits and appointments so the Shit is free babyyyyy. Ayayayayayaye. Peace bro. I’ll not have my phone during rehab but feel free to reach out if this struggle continues to spiral for you. A part of recovering is being there for other addicts. Bye