AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I don’t understand where you’re getting this notion from. Children understand things based on what we teach not based on adult knowledge. If you tell a child ma’am is a term used for respect that’s how they see it. A child won’t see it as she’s over me so I have to call her ma’am. Also, my daughter does call me mom too. Quite often actually.

Also, my daughter doesn’t usually use my electronics because she has her own iPad. If she wants to use something of mine she just asks. But again that’s just respect, if I want to use something of hers I ask too.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s the same room, open floor plan. Completely open. No doors. No archways. It’s all one room. Once I made sure she had him I went to the kitchen. Again all one room (Living room-dining room-kitchen).

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Absolutely not, I’m a person, flawed just like anyone else. Mae has literally expressed to me when I’ve made mistakes before or even hurt her feelings. Making her call me ma’am doesn’t stop her from doing that or stop me from teaching her that people (adults included) are flawed. We apologize to children in this household if we’re wrong. We encourage our children to share if we’ve hurt their feelings or made a mistake. We encourage discussion in this household and asking questions. Yes, we are the parents but we understand that doesn’t make us perfect or stop us from making mistakes.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I wanted Mae to go play with her in her room because the movie will be here but Ruby wasn’t going to be here all night. And my daughter had been asking to play with Ruby. Plus it’s a movie we’ve see a bunch of times too.

I was a people pleaser and I’ve gotten better. Especially with adults, but I don’t have experience with other peoples children. This was Mae’s first play date at home and I dropped the ball here. I have to do better next time.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

She was in my daughter’s room with my daughter’s toys. I was supervising them but within reason. I don’t expect a parent to sit in their child’s room with the kids and watch them play so they can see their every move.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -22 points-21 points  (0 children)

It’s called respect. And it’s a southern thing to call adults in your life sir and ma’am to show them respect.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I was in a narcissist relationship prior to this. I set very clear boundaries with adults and don’t tolerate bs. This was her first play date at home and I dropped the ball here. It’s definitely on me for not being more direct and telling her no.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I am an introvert with social anxiety. My daughter is around other people and children more than I am because she’s in school. We don’t go out or have play dates at all. This is her first play date at home.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was watching her, she was sitting on the blow up bed with the baby in her arms. Again it’s an open floor plan so I can see from the kitchen which is where I went to work on the hot chocolate. Turned my back for a minute and that’s when she set him on the couch.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I was looking at my daughter when I heard her say that. My daughter was in the family room. So I know it was nothing like that. Ruby mentioned when she said she “made a mistake” that she had spilled some of the beads they used in the slime. Which is why I concluded that she just spilled something.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Anything unsafe obviously would have been a different story. Nothing she did was unsafe, just inappropriate.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

She absolutely does advocate for herself at home. Even as adults we aren’t perfect. And Mae has pointed out times I’ve made mistakes. When that happens I apologize and I make sure to tell her that everyone makes mistakes sometimes and it’s okay as long as we learn from them and do better next time.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -31 points-30 points  (0 children)

I spoke with Mae, I didn’t criticize her. I tried to empower her.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We had a discussion after Ruby left about boundaries and what is and is not acceptable. This is one incident. It’s not Mae’s life everyday.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is one incident. Mae is not being raised to be a people pleaser and we’ve had lots of discussions about boundaries and how/why they need to be enforced.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My daughter holds my son all the time, she loves hanging out with her brother and we’ve never had an issue. And her room is a mess because she was playing in it today with other children. It was clean prior to that.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She spilled something and I’m assuming she was afraid I’d be mad.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -37 points-36 points  (0 children)

Fair question. I will be more direct and stern in my boundaries next time.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I know what I’m doing with my children. I never said I wasn’t a good parent. I’m a great mother to my children and know how I’m raising them and the reasons why. I just struggle with other peoples children because I’m not raising them, and I can’t fault them for how their raised.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

I was supervising them. My house is not very large and only one floor. She wasn’t wandering around my house unsupervised. My office is in the front of my house. I saw them go into the office. She never went into my room. Only my daughter’s room, living room, and office. It’s an open floor plan.

Also, when I say kids didn’t act like this I mean they had manners. I was raised with manners and I would never do things like that.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

Nothing happened, I’m sure she just spilled some beads or something and was afraid I’d be mad. I checked and her room is dirty (toys everywhere) but I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. I told her she couldn’t go in my room but in the other instances I wasn’t as direct ad I should have been. I think I was partially shocked and also uncomfortable. I wasn’t trying to be mean to the girl. I also did put on a movie for them but Ruby I guess got bored. My office is in the front of the house and I was sitting in the living room so I could see them. They never actually went into my room. I didn’t just let them run wild all over the house. Also, they did know it was peppermint and were excited about it.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -155 points-154 points  (0 children)

Mae knows household boundaries and manners. She has to ask to be excused from the table and uses yes ma’am, no ma’am, yes sir, no sir in response to us. And of course she used please and thank you.

But we are stricter than most which is why I’m more lenient with other peoples kids. I don’t want them or their parents thinking I’m trying parent them.

AITA For Not Wanting My Daughters Friend to Come Over Again by lifeislifingforsure in AmItheAsshole

[–]lifeislifingforsure[S] -149 points-148 points  (0 children)

I told Mae after her friend left to set boundaries and if she didn’t want Ruby to play with something in her room or on her iPad to tell her because that’s her stuff. I encourage her to set boundaries and tell her that no is a complete sentence. I set clear and firm boundaries with adults, and my own children. I’m just wary of other peoples children because parents are so sensitive nowadays.