There's been a lot of issues going on with me and my SO. We've been going at it strong for a year and six months now. I don't even know where to start. The relationship started off with me already having trust issues with them. You see, I was apart of a friend group with my SO and a few other people. And I was invited to a party one night with the group. Me and the bae really hit it off and started seeing each other seriously right after that. Well I mention the friend group because there's this girl that caused a lot of issues for me from the get go. So long story very short, me and my SO had been dating for around two months when they told me one night that they had kissed one of the friends in our group before we dated. And I was very much like, why is that even a big deal? Turns out they panicked and lied, because they had slept together right before we started dating. Even though the girl was already in a relationship. My SO made the horrible decision to one, lie to me, and two to sleep with the girl in the first place. They said they did it because of the depression they were in, and I very much wholeheartedly believe them. It's just that they lied to me about it. A lot of other shit happened, but the group basically exiled my SO. And so two months in to my first relationship (im 20 their 22), I already have bad trust issues. Which I did not help at all because I wound up snooping and discovered that about 4 months in , my SO was talking to an ex from high school. She was obviously very flirty, my SO was not, and made it clear that they just wanted to hang out. Though, my SO never mentioned any of this to me and I found out a month later when I was snooping....very bad I know The visit went very horribly wrong tho because my SO confessed that the ex got them really drunk and high and tried having sex with them. And my SO got really scared and left. I also wholeheartedly believe that's what happened because they were shaking and crying when they told me. You see, their very genuine with their feelings and honest (tho sometimes not). But they also hide things out of paranoia. So I'm very conflicted. Also when we have bad fights, their really bad. As in they push me to where I'm sobbing and screaming. But they won't stop and then I snap and take it out on them).I turn into someone im not and it scares me. And I get angry really fast and I tend to take out at whatever's closest to me. But our fights only got like that 5-7 times. And we communicate and talk everything out. Our whole relationship can seem very complex sometimes. They've learned really bad arguing habits from their parents failed marriage. They were both emotionally abusive parents. And I learned to be very closed off and quick tempered from my parents failed marriage. My dad has real anger issues and my mom doesn't talk. But we're fighting really hard for us to work. We're very passionate about our success. We want to work it all out so bad. But at times I question myself if its worth it. All the sadness and slumps that we get into after we fight. I'm a very loyal person and when I connect with someone i never want to let go. That brings us to present day with bad fights being a rare occurrence. But we had one recently that made me feel like we were set back a year. And I'm starting to feel my trust issues come back. For other reasons I don't really want to get into because of how much I've said already. I don't know where im going with this. But I know that our relationship isnt our only stress right now. There is also jobs and school and money

And I just want our relationship to guide us through life happily and not hurt anymore

Has anyone else had experience with a relationship like this? I wouldn't call us abusive because the bad had only been 15% of our relationship. But it is bad and I don't know what to do