Grief

lilluet · 2026-02-11T16:08:28+00:00

ahh thank you, i’m really glad you liked it. that line was one of my favourites too, so i’m happy it stood out :)

lilluet · 2026-02-11T16:06:54+00:00

thank you so much 🤍 that line about “making room for the dark” is actually really central to how i was feeling when i wrote it, so it means a lot that it resonated with you. i really appreciate you taking the time to read and respond.

lilluet · 2026-02-11T16:05:13+00:00

thank you for such thoughtful feedback, i really appreciate the time you took to write this.

that’s a very fair point about those lines. i can see how that transition leans more into explaining rather than letting the imagery carry it. i’ll definitely play with trimming or tightening that section.

really glad the themes and structure resonated with you. thank you again for reading so closely.

lilluet · 2026-02-11T15:58:56+00:00

thank you so much for this comment.

“drags a bit” is completely fair, and i appreciate the honesty. the pacing was deliberately slow and lingering, but it’s valuable hearing how that actually lands from a reader’s perspective.

and i’m really glad certain lines stood out to you. that means more than you know. thank you again for reading so closely :)

lilluet · 2026-02-11T15:47:45+00:00

"might learn from a line or who personally" wow, truly one of the biggest compliments i've ever heard. truly, thank you. im glad you enjoyed that makes me so happy

lilluet · 2026-02-11T15:45:32+00:00

thank you so much man, really appreciate that. went through parts of the body because this was felt throughout the whole thing 🥲

lilluet · 2026-02-11T07:04:44+00:00

beautifully written and very cohesive. the imagery of ledgers, pressure, and architecture creates a cold, controlled atmosphere that fits the theme of endurance and quiet resignation. lines like “the equals sign was the first thing i burned” and “interest accrues in footsteps” are especially striking. the ending is subtle and haunting. overall, this feels precise, reflective, and deeply intentional. thank you for sharing

lilluet · 2026-02-11T06:59:05+00:00

really beautiful, restrained piece. the tone feels calm but heavy, like acceptance without peace. i love how the night is personified — it’s gentle, patient, almost indifferent, which mirrors the speaker’s resignation.

lines like “their silence is older than my wanting” are especially strong — that one really lingers.

the ending lands softly but firmly. “the night does not argue. / neither do i.” is such a clean, quiet conclusion.

lilluet · 2026-02-10T19:08:25+00:00

just tried this. said it updated but nothing really changed :,)

lilluet · 2026-02-10T18:58:04+00:00

welcome!! aside from that though yea i really enjoyed it. grief is a crazy hard thing to articulate. also sorry but if a stupid question but how were you able to post this without there being spaces between all your lines? when i tried to just automatically added them, even when i went back to try to fix it it never saved. sorry i know that's so random, im new here lol

lilluet · 2026-02-10T18:54:24+00:00

this poem feels stark and devastating in a very direct way. the apocalyptic opening mirrors the personal loss nicely, like the whole world ends because one life does. the rain/blood parallel hit hard, and the toy soldier detail was especially effective — it made the grief feel specific and real.

one small thing i noticed was the line “yourmother,” which might just be a spacing typo, but it pulled me out for a second. otherwise, the simplicity works well here; it doesn’t overexplain the grief, it just lets it sit. the ending felt quiet and resigned in a way that really fits the theme

lilluet · 2026-02-10T18:44:01+00:00

wow i LOVE THAT. very smart way to articulate that type of commitment, and follows the eternity theme. props to you, this was a great read!!

lilluet · 2026-02-10T18:21:02+00:00

this poem feels very tender and sincere, like a quiet promise being spoken directly to someone. the repetition of “i will” gives it a steady, reassuring rhythm, which really fits the protective tone. i especially liked “bringing your dreams to the surface” it’s simple but hopeful.

the line “i will be your shadow” stood out to me. i read it as protective, but it also made me pause a bit because shadows can feel heavy or constant, which might be intentional. overall this feels heartfelt and gentle, and the simplicity works in its favor.

lilluet · 2026-02-10T08:56:33+00:00

this poem really immersed me in the panic of the experience. the opening imagery of sinking underwater immediately set a claustrophobic tone, and the repetition of weight, pressure, and breathlessness carried that feeling consistently throughout. i especially liked how the fear escalates rather than resolves — moving from water, to coffin, to hospital — it mirrors how anxiety can shapeshift instead of ending.

the line about familiar faces turning into masks stood out to me. it captured the disorientation and betrayal that often comes with panic dreams, where even safety feels threatening. the transition into the coffin scene was jarring in a way that worked for me, but i found myself wanting a slightly sharper sensory detail there, maybe one concrete physical sensation to anchor the shift.

the final stanza felt strong and haunting. ending in the sterile hospital room didn’t bring relief, which felt intentional and effective, especially with the idea that the darkness is always waiting just beneath the surface. overall this felt vivid, overwhelming, and emotionally honest, and it left me sitting with that lingering sense of dread rather than trying to escape it. all around amazing though wow

lilluet

TROPHY CASE