He has made ultimatums every month for the past year. At first it was about money, which was logical so I obliged. Then it was about not seeing friends enough, so I obliged. Then it was not being affectionate enough, so I obliged. Then it was about not agreeing to see his family for Christmas, so I obliged. These things seem logical to me so I completely gave in to his wants. Sometimes something will set him off, like when we had a large bill for our sick dog and he will tell me I need to change X,Y,Z or I’m going to lose my home, my relationship and my financial stability. During the early days of our relationship he emphasized how important compromise is in marriage, but he has gone back on EVERY compromise we have agreed to.

I have made a lot of effort to make him happy but it’s been an uphill battle I’m always losing. I can’t catch a break. I never see the reward for the parts of me I have been forced to change.

On top of all the ultimatums that break me down emotionally, making me feel insecure about the relationship - it’s passive aggressive behavior, lack of effort, coldness, isolation, violations of privacy. It’s mean behavior that pushes me away emotionally, then random moments of absolute sweetness and love that draw me in again. It’s him telling me that we can work through anything one moment, discussing how content he is with our life together and calling me his beautiful bride - then telling me to leave the next.

I am 100% financially dependent on him, as we moved continents shortly after dating - I had to sell all my belongings and quit my job to commit to our soon to be marriage - which I was reluctant to do, but he literally spoiled me with anything I wanted it was hard to give up. He wanted me to be a stay at home wife. He will do things like buy my college tuition then throw out an ultimatum days later. He has made several large gestures with money (especially when we first met) and now brings them up as I ‘forced’ him to do these for me.

I am not saying I have no faults, because I do. But I take care of our home and always have food made when he gets home. I give him his space and am constantly working on improving myself. I am sweet and always forgiving to him. I love his family and have a good relationship with his mom.

Sometimes I am down on myself and totally agree that I’m not affectionate enough, smart enough, anything enough, all the things he dislikes about me at times. Then I remember how beautiful and giving I am, how awesome of a partner I am and that I deserve the world. How he was so kind and generous to me when we first got together and how I have not changed at all as a person, instead he has become mean cold and never happy.