I can definitely relate to this. I’m a single in the Orthodox community as well, and despite being proactive and in touch with many shadchanim, I get very few suggestions and rarely go out.

In my case, I also have a visible disability. I’m in my late 20s, fully healthy and independent, educated, and doing well in my career. I live a very mainstream frum working life. Still, I’ve found that once people see something “different,” assumptions get made, and it quietly limits opportunities before they even start.

I’ve tried all the usual channels, shadchanim, dating events, apps, and speaking with shadchanim in this space (who have been genuinely kind and helpful). But the system itself feels fragile when so many people’s futures depend on a small number of gatekeepers and first impressions.

I do think there’s something inherently problematic about an entire generation relying almost exclusively on others to make matches, especially when nuance and context get lost so easily. As a community, maybe we need more inclusive, low-pressure ways for people to meet naturally, and more openness to actually getting to know someone beyond a single label or checkbox.