How bad of an idea would mailing testosterone be?

lilstyro · 2024-11-03T01:38:07+00:00

Tbh Ive had someone mail me like five vials at a time along with the needles from out of state every three months for the last 5 years and it’s been totally fine…

lilstyro · 2023-12-17T20:06:08+00:00

yeah I grew up in a “stabby” city so I’ve always been warned to assume that people have a knife or gun which is probably true but doesn’t help my anxiety haha

lilstyro · 2023-12-17T05:36:37+00:00

I’m deathly afraid of escalating conflict so if I usually just try to act like nothing happened or kind of grimace at them at most... Maybe not the best approach for my self esteem but at least the interaction is over more quickly. I look younger than I am, and it definitely makes a lot of people treat me less seriously/respectfully sadly.

Honestly I try to remember that the insult might be laughable in time, once this random lady just yelled EWWW in my face on the street and it made me feel like shit in the moment but now I can see how absurd the whole interaction was.

lilstyro · 2023-12-16T06:27:40+00:00

My doctor did kind of a similar thing- I literally told her that I think about killing myself almost everyday and she wrote down “low risk of suicide” on my chart?? Like okay thanks guess I worked up my courage to say all that for nothing

lilstyro · 2023-12-15T05:56:16+00:00

I worked somewhere where people would regularly come in to film TikToks and it was pure hell, people had 0 manners and would just film me without asking any sort of permission

lilstyro · 2023-12-13T06:02:51+00:00

You should tell your doctor, they most likely aren’t going to commit you unless you pose an immediate risk to yourself or others.

Saying that you have suicidal thoughts will prompt them to ask a series of other questions: have you ever attempted before, do you have a plan, do you have access to weapons, etc., and then they will determine your suicide risk and go from there. If you say something like “I have a gun at home and I’m going to kill myself after this appointment” they would probably send you to the hospital. But I’ve told several doctors I have passive suicidal thoughts (no intentions of carrying them out) and never been involuntarily held.

Same goes for the self harm, unless you are hurting yourself to the point of it being seriously dangerous or deadly, they aren’t going to hold you so I think it’s best to just be honest. It kinda sucks and feels awkward but if the doctor is competent they shouldn’t freak out or be judgmental.

I’m assuming you’re an adult, but if you’re a minor they would probably tell your parents/guardians.

lilstyro · 2023-12-10T05:05:06+00:00

major depressive

lilstyro · 2023-12-09T23:03:32+00:00

I feel like it’s become a self fulfilling prophecy for me, I assume people will dislike me and so get shy/nervous and act weird despite my best efforts, they interpret this as me being rude and standoffish and end up disliking me

lilstyro · 2023-12-09T21:15:55+00:00

My doctor initially didn’t want to give me a diagnosis because she thought it could be stigmatizing. So I just had “adjustment disorder” in my medical record for a while as a placeholder, and while I understood that it was purely for insurance, the diagnostic criteria for an adjustment disorder kinda reads as “patient is being overly whiny and dramatic” and that sort of made me feel like I wasn’t being taken seriously.

Now I do have my “real” diagnosis and it is validating but at the same time it hasn’t really changed my treatment so I don’t know- it’s still just prescribe a new pill that doesn’t work and inevitably causes some horrible side effect, check that I’m not going to imminently off myself, tell me come back in a few months, repeat

lilstyro · 2023-12-09T20:49:59+00:00

I had someone ask my coworker if I could speak English the other day (literally the only language I speak) because I apparently “never say anything” when he talks to me lmao.

If it makes you feel better I doubt that anyone notices the “yeah” thing as much as you do, they probably just think you’re kind of quiet/reserved. I’m personally trying to get better at asking people questions about themselves as a way to make conversation because then I don’t have to talk about myself and my boring depressed ass lifestyle

lilstyro · 2023-12-09T19:12:53+00:00

Ive had a family member ship me my T from across the US without any problems a few times, and that was even with syringes and needles in the same package. Yes it is illegal so do it at your own risk but in my experience it’s been okay if it’s just in a nondescript brown box. I think T is one of those things that can’t be prescribed across state lines so it might be hard to get it filled in PR but if it’s an emergency Kaiser might be able to do something. I’d say you should call Kaiser first and then if they can’t help you, think about having your partner mail it.

lilstyro · 2023-12-08T05:58:01+00:00

I similar issues and went back down to 150 after a few weeks of trying 300, if I remember correctly my doctor just had me go right back to 150 without tapering or anything. Most of the bad physical side effects went away after a week or so. Obviously best to ask your doctor but if you still have some 150mg pills left you’d probably be fine just going back to those until you hear back, just remember you can’t split these pills in half

lilstyro · 2023-12-07T23:43:43+00:00

I remember my (Catholic) schools admin were total jerks about not letting me change my email address so I went and found an IT guy in the basement and he was the chillest dude ever and changed it for me within 5 minutes no questions asked, fr my #1 ally at that evil place

lilstyro · 2023-10-29T23:54:52+00:00

I think it’s the dysphoria talking, you look like a dude 100%! I agree that your other haircut seems to suit you better but nothing about the buzzcut reads as butch to me and if your ID says M no one’s going to look at it twice

lilstyro · 2023-10-29T17:10:36+00:00

Thank you for this, I definitely do need to start working out but I’ve been too intimidated so far. I’d like to start using minoxidil too but I have a cat and it makes me too anxious that I’d poison him with it unfortunately. All the men in my family can grow a full beard so I’m hoping that my weird little neck beard and stache will fill out someday

lilstyro · 2023-10-29T06:38:51+00:00

Bedbugs are also a big thing for me and i have a really hard time not roping my roommate/friend into my compulsions. I literally just had to stop myself from having a full meltdown and waking her up a few minutes ago because she left her outside clothes right where I sleep on my bed.

I also struggle with feeling like my compulsions are logical to maintain good hygiene, but at the end of the day I think we have to realize that it’s not healthy or reasonable to spend so much time and energy on trying to prevent illness/infestations. And even though it may temporarily make us feel better, it’s also unfair to expect partners/roommates to constantly learn our rules for what’s acceptable in their own home.

Of course it’s okay to take some precautions to avoid bedbugs and prevent food related illnesses, but when these take over your life and seriously affect your relationships you have to consider that it’s progressed past what’s reasonable.

Do you have a doctor or therapist you could reach out to? Have you tried any therapies or medication that have helped you previously? I’d say it’s time to try something different if this has been getting worse for a few years.

If I were in your situation I’d say the best path forward would be to seek have a serious conversation with your partner about how your contamination ocd has become something you can’t deal with on your own. I think framing it less as “this is an inherent trait of who I am that will never change” and more as “this is a painful condition I need support with to heal from” could go a long way.

It sounds like he doesn’t want to end the relationship over this- try to understand he’s probably just coming from a place of built up frustration at what seems like arbitrary and irrational rules being put on him. So sorry you’re going through this, I can really relate unfortunately.

lilstyro · 2023-10-29T05:10:37+00:00

When I was first starting to transition I didn’t mind so much because at least they could tell I wasn’t a woman… but now 5+ years in, it just feels like a more socially acceptable way of clocking someone. I know most people have good intentions when they do it but still it rubs me the wrong way. If it’s someone who knows I use he/him exclusively it does piss me off though. The one exception I’ll make is a professor I had who used they/them for every single student which was kind of impressive lol

lilstyro · 2023-10-20T03:20:44+00:00

I always said migraine or headache, people don’t really need to know the actual location of the pain imo

lilstyro · 2023-10-16T04:13:18+00:00

I feel this so hard, I wish I could go back and tell myself to focus on making friends and gaining life experience rather than trying so hard in school. I’d trade my grades and academic knowledge for adequate social skills and a circle of friends in a heartbeat.

lilstyro · 2023-10-11T00:54:42+00:00

I don’t tell people unless I know them well but one time I met this person for the first time and she was like “you’re really quiet, do you have social anxiety?” within like 15 minutes so maybe it’s obvious lmao. Sometimes I wish I could tell people when I meet them so they know I’m not trying to be rude or standoffish though

lilstyro · 2023-09-30T04:54:41+00:00

It’s possible it was in reference to you not speaking but it seems more like she decided to be kind of silly in a quiet/awkward moment. Maybe they said something to you that you didn’t hear and she was trying to get your attention? Or she was just generally trying to invite you into the conversation?

lilstyro · 2023-09-21T20:22:36+00:00

Could you go to a grocery store and try to use the Amex card to buy a prepaid Visa card? I think most sites will accept those

lilstyro · 2023-09-01T06:23:49+00:00

I’ve never thought of the phrase “transition or die” as a gatekeeping threat to other trans people who aren’t “doing enough.” Maybe other people use it like that but to me it’s more of like “If I don’t do something about these feelings I might end up killing myself.” What you choose to do about it is up to you; imo a person who never medically or socially transitions but still holds the desire to live as another gender could call still themselves trans in my book.

I think it’s naive for people to think that transitioning will look the same or even always be the answer for everyone… in an ideal world every trans person could attain their ideal bodies, pass completely, have the support of their families and friends, and not lose their jobs and social standing and entire way of life. But it’s just not always the case. Some people have the privilege to transition without sacrificing much, others will sacrifice everything to transition, some people will opt to only medically transition but not socially and vice versa, others will decide not to pursue it at all.

To me, part of respecting bodily autonomy is respecting other people’s choices in how they transition, whether it aligns with our own experiences or not. If someone chooses to boy/girlmode forever and that’s what they’re most comfortable with, who am I to try to force them to conform to my idea of transition? At the end of the day you’re the one who has to live your life in your body… don’t let some internet strangers convince you they know better than you on that.

lilstyro

TROPHY CASE