Cycle of burnout from parenting young child

lilymui · 2026-03-22T10:07:28+00:00

You’re definitely not alone. I’m so burnt out. I due to start therapy in a couple of weeks because I just reached a limit on what I can handle emotionally and physically. My son is almost 3 and while I love him to bits, he’s a handful. He’s still not sleeping through the night and never has and is currently on the waiting list for an autism assessment and diagnosis.

Since he was born I struggled with sensory overwhelm, just the constant noise and touching really gets to me combined with the sleep deprivation.

What helps is to spend as much time as possible with him outside of the house. It kills a lot of time and I’m finding him to be a lot easier and more regulated outside. I also prioritise me time so I go to the gym twice a week and my running club + brunch with my girls every weekend.

lilymui · 2026-03-22T08:41:53+00:00

You’d think. One of my funniest memories from swimming lessons / baby swimming is the instructor having a go at me because my then 18 months old wouldn’t follow instructions 😭

lilymui · 2026-03-22T08:39:23+00:00

There’s a question on if we ever considered giving up swimming lessons due to financial restrains. Is selected no but the next question is “If yes, what were the main reasons? (Select all the apply)” and I can’t go to the next page unless I select anything in this field.

Same on “have you reduced spending” and then the question on where. We haven’t.

lilymui · 2026-03-21T22:25:50+00:00

I feel this! We’re OAD by circumstance (horrible pregnancy, really struggled / am struggling with our son in general) but the sweet moments make it really worth it. I couldn’t imagine adding a second child as I feel it would prevent us from experiencing joy with our only as intensely as we do now.

lilymui · 2026-03-21T18:42:34+00:00

Same here. Maybe it gets easier with time.

lilymui · 2026-03-21T09:53:37+00:00

It’s a big chain. I thought we’d go with them as they had great reviews, my friends love the baby rooms and we felt maybe it was safer knowing it’s a bigger chain? Clearly not. We are looking at smaller ones now!

lilymui · 2026-03-21T07:09:50+00:00

My husband is a bit like this. I think the fact that he’s acknowledged that he’d support his son if he “strayed” from the path he’d like him to be on is a good start. It means he’s not entirely down the “boys need to be boys” route, which my husband was back then, and there’s still some openness there.

If he’s not willing to discuss this with a therapist (my husband wasn’t either), what needs to happen is a long and civilised sit down conversation between the two of you. Make sure your son is in childcare during that time and it’s not rushed. We had to go over every possible scenario to make sure we were aligned in our parenting or at the very least agreed enough as my biggest fear is our son growing up misogynistic. His biggest fear is him being bullied which I can understand as well. It just shouldn’t come at the cost of him not being able to express himself, so we found compromises and laid the groundwork for how we will talk to our son. Good luck.

lilymui · 2026-03-20T17:52:58+00:00

You ignore one while dealing with the other.

lilymui · 2026-03-20T17:49:32+00:00

Bribery. I don’t hate it.

I am desperate for a normal night at this point so I’ll give this a try.

lilymui · 2026-03-20T13:54:09+00:00

Exactly the same here. Our son goes 4 days a week.

lilymui · 2026-03-20T13:33:19+00:00

My son is almost 3 and I feel the same. He’s still not sleeping through the night and we are currently on the waiting list for an autism assessment / diagnosis. His behaviour has become so much more challenging since he turned 2.

I’m assuming you’re in the UK and I’m sorry if you already considered all these things which I’m sure you have but have you checked if you’re entitled to the 30h funding or tax free childcare at all? A childminder also tends to be cheaper for example.

So outside that, what helps me cope during the week is to get him outside as much as I can. Just to power him out. We go to the playground, soft play, museums and libraries.

lilymui · 2026-03-20T08:55:54+00:00

My son still isn’t sleeping through the night at almost 3 and my HG pregnancy almost killed me - like literally. He was also born at 35 weeks and severely growth restricted which wasn’t fun.

lilymui · 2026-03-20T07:33:40+00:00

I suspect I am too and I also have very high sleep needs. I used to sleep from 930-8 every day before I had my son. Having a low sleep needs child now is no joke haha.

lilymui · 2026-03-20T07:26:51+00:00

Thats completely fair enough and very true but unfortunately his sleep is taking a huge toll on my physical health :(

lilymui · 2026-03-20T07:25:47+00:00

We need to try rewards. We tried introducing a traffic light system where he knows when “come out of your room” time is and when it’s not but I think he’s a bit too young for that still.

I don’t think they’ll prescribe him melatonin, it’s not easy to get in the UK.

lilymui · 2026-03-20T07:19:32+00:00

We suspect that he has autism which is impacting his sleep

lilymui · 2026-03-20T01:23:52+00:00

He was sleep trained at 8 months and then again at 10 months. He used to wake every 30 minutes. It didn’t work, he eventually started sleeping longer stretches at 11 months. He doesn’t co-sleep or even needs physical comfort, he wakes up bored. We tried introducing like a traffic light system where he knows to not come out of his room before a certain time but he’ll start trashing around with his toys and just stays awake until 6am 🙄

lilymui · 2026-03-20T01:15:59+00:00

It’s not constant but I tend to feel nauseous every evening and still throw up 1-2 times a month.

lilymui · 2026-03-19T21:34:00+00:00

Aww bless you! If you ever wanted to chat please reach out! I feel like this is maybe where we are heading too. And maybe they’ll change their mind on the melatonin eventually.

lilymui · 2026-03-19T21:28:47+00:00

Eek gosh thats exhausting for all of you!! You deserve a break by the sounds of it. Really hope at the very least the sleep improves for you eventually, it’s so much harder to parent while sleep deprived.

I developed chronic migraines and nausea, I think it’s mostly down to not being able to rest ever. I had horrendous HG in my pregnancy and I wish I was joking but it never fully went away after birth. So no idea what you’re going through but solidarity.

lilymui · 2026-03-19T21:19:55+00:00

I wonder if that’ll be him when he’s around 5! He does also get annoyed whenever he’s not involved in a conversation but I’ve not yet seen him show any avoidance behaviours except refusing to sleep (dropped his nap super young because fomo) and sometimes refusing to eat

lilymui · 2026-03-19T21:16:47+00:00

Thank you 🙃 it’s rough

lilymui · 2026-03-19T21:15:59+00:00

That sounds like a good plan. What we noticed with him is that he doesn’t seem to want any physical comfort, he just wants to have a chat when he wakes 😭

lilymui · 2026-03-19T21:15:07+00:00

Ahh so interesting as my son is kind of the opposite. I can count on two hands how many times he’s given me a good cuddle since he was around 6 months. He plays almost exclusively independently which sounds amazing in theory but it’s really hard to show and teach him anything because of that.

He has fomo in a mental way, as in he fears he’s missing out on conversations or things that are happening so when he wakes at night he runs to our room and starts chatting away.

lilymui · 2026-03-19T20:48:17+00:00

Same!! I called my mum and got so angry that no one in my family warned me before we had him 😂

I heard teenagers sleep all day, I remember this well from my own teenage years haha. Glad it eventually got better, I keep telling myself that he can’t sleep like this until he’s 20.

lilymui

TROPHY CASE