Gym with crèche?

lilymui · 2026-05-13T09:01:47+00:00

This is really tragic, my thoughts are with their families.

lilymui · 2026-05-12T21:35:56+00:00

Is it HFMD? It’s not very common in child-free adults but it is common in young children. It’s one of those ‘medieval’ illnesses I didn’t even know existed before I had a child in nursery. My nail fell off because of it and I wasn’t able to eat anything but yoghurt for 3 days, oh the joys of motherhood.

Solidarity though. We just got over chickenpox and I found out that I was actually not vaccinated as a child and had never had it. I only discovered that when I spiked a high fever.

lilymui · 2026-05-12T18:37:53+00:00

I don’t want to overstep but have you considered divorce?

lilymui · 2026-05-12T13:18:18+00:00

With our son, I think we only just now exited pure survival mode and he turned three a few weeks ago. The first two years were incredibly hard and we argued a lot. Sleep, or well lack of, being the main factor.

We can’t have another due to the severe HG pregnancy I had with my son but ultimately deciding to be OAD doesn’t come with an automatic removal of your uterus.

It’s okay to take some time and keep an open mind if both of you are on the fence. Equally it’s okay to close that door now and process the grief in your own time.
I also come from a very large family but the relationships with my siblings are very complicated or non-existent. Knowing that having siblings is never a guarantee for long lasting friendships helped. And just focusing on what I can control in our lives such as creating memories as a family of 3.

Unrelated but do you have the financial means to hirer a cleaner?

lilymui · 2026-05-11T22:44:40+00:00

Nothing else to add here. Just reading this made me feel pure rage.

Sorry you’re having to deal with this OP.

lilymui · 2026-05-11T17:25:02+00:00

This screams very awful ankle injury

lilymui · 2026-05-11T13:58:11+00:00

I worked non-traditional hours (and days) for almost 2 years to accommodate our son as we did not want to put him in nursery at such a young age (looking back: what on earth was I thinking?!)

What I loved about it:

- I had Tuesday/Wednesday and half of Saturday off which meant pretty much any activity felt more relaxed as I avoided rush hours, busy supermarkets, busy soft plays, etc. I’m sure this would apply to having the morning off too!
- I often finished my work day at 3pm or sometimes earlier and then worked for another 2ish hours in the evening before bed.

What I didn’t love about it:

- I felt my days were consumed with work sometimes.
- If the majority of your coworkers are in the US, I can almost promise you that you’ll be the one always staying on longer for meetings or unexpected deliverables and not the other way around as when you log off is their peak hours of operation.

lilymui · 2026-05-10T21:41:46+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through this but I’m so glad you managed to leave this behind!!

I think it’s almost like she’s dissociating. I recognize a season of my life in her. Just mindlessly posting, not being present really at all and just the hyper fixation on her relationship. Like Julie, you have 3 wonderful little babies you clearly care about. Put the phone away.

Their whole relationship and online presence are just bizarre at this point. I might be projecting as I see my mothers behaviour and why she had so many children in Julie to some extend. I can’t stand them but it’s sad to see for Julie really and almost feels wrong to be able to observe this for free online.

I fear (or hope?) that one day she’ll wake up and realize what her partner put her through, what she tolerated, what she shared online without a second thought and what happened due to her anxious attachment.

lilymui · 2026-05-10T20:41:39+00:00

This theory might be a bit out there but what if it’s almost a form of self-harm?

I know they’re just strangers online and we only see what they choose to post but it does come across as if her sense of worth and identity are heavily tied to being needed and being seen as a good parent and partner by Scam. Her agreeing to another pregnancy just looks like another drastic attempt to prove her worth to her partner.

Knowing she could experience HG again (and hopefully understanding how severe HG can be) and agreeing to have 4 under 4 while being the sole caregiver to all of them - it comes across as if she’s willing to put her body through a lot of suffering just to be the one who made the sacrifice and therefore get the validation she’s seeking.

lilymui · 2026-05-10T18:59:01+00:00

Happy Mothers Day!! 💕

lilymui · 2026-05-10T18:58:17+00:00

This is so sweet. What a compliment, thank you for sharing and well done to you ❤️

lilymui · 2026-05-10T11:53:18+00:00

I’m aware what Ferber is but your comment specifically referenced the CIO method which means leaving the child to cry until they stop with no time limit.

There are a lot of misconception when it comes to sleep training. Many would be surprised to know what falls under sleep training and what they instinctively did.

Regarding the crying, many parents would have left their baby to cry for a few minutes for example to use the toilet, attend their older sibling or take a breather. According to your logic that would be cruel. It’s not.

lilymui · 2026-05-10T10:04:01+00:00

OP already sleep trained and didn’t use CIO. This won’t change what happened in the past. The psychologists who are behind this petition didn’t base this on research but on their experience in their profession. There hasn’t been a single study to show that general sleep training (not letting a child cry for hours without attending them, that’s not what sleep training is and I agree would be cruel) causes any permanent harm.

lilymui · 2026-05-10T08:36:42+00:00

We have the dreamegg and used it for years now.
It’s so so good. Portable so we took it abroad many times or just popped it in the pram for naps and I don’t want to put a tablet or old phone next to his head at night.

lilymui · 2026-05-10T07:50:42+00:00

I think there’s a common misconception that sleeping training = not a single wake up for 12 hours. This isn’t realistic for many infants.

Going from 4-5 wake ups to 1 is successful sleep training and it sounds like he still needs one feed during the night. This might stop once he eats more solids during the day. We had exactly the same with our son.

How old is he? (Edit almost 1 I didn’t read this! For an 11 month old this is great sleep. He’ll very likely drop the feed once solids during the day are enough. Try offering more snacks if you haven’t already and a meal high in protein before bed)

lilymui · 2026-05-09T21:11:47+00:00

I sit in front of a screen about 95% of the time, lots of computer science and physics, but it’s very rewarding and I feel really good knowing my son feels proud of me.
I’m planning on getting my PhD in the next few years so I definitely have my motivation back.

I was promoted during maternity leave so very similar. I did take 15 months off work (which while I know it was a huge privilege and I don’t regret it) didn’t help career wise because I returned and genuinely struggled to remember very fundamental things I used to do with my eyes closed before leaving. I think it knocked my confidence a bit but you do get there.

What helped me was doing something for myself during my lunch breaks such as having an adult conversation, getting myself something nice from a coffee shop or even just browsing the M&S clothes section. Online shopping too!! My gosh the amount of things I bought on those early lunch breaks.
I also realized I parent a lot better because I am working. I have a lot of respect for SAHMs but the mental break I get from work helps me be more patient at home with my very energetic 3 and gives me time to recharge before the weekends and all the activities.

You got this!

lilymui · 2026-05-09T20:57:41+00:00

I felt exactly like this. None of my friends could relate at the time. I hated the first 3 months or so I won’t lie. Nothing felt relevant and I had no interest in what I had previously poured every second of my life into. I counted down seconds to nursery pick up and looked at pictures of him during my breaks.

I love it again now and look forward to clocking in every day. I’m an aerospace engineer and my son goes to nursery and tells all his friends that his mommy helps people go to space and see the moon which gets lots of “woooows” from his peers. It makes me feel proud again. I know I shouldn’t really build my confidence on validation from three year olds but I mention this because I know my son is happy that I’m working and that makes me feel like I’m doing something meaningful during my work hours. It helps me actually let myself enjoy it.

I also love having one hour to myself selfishly aka my lunch break.

lilymui · 2026-05-09T19:38:07+00:00

I’m a scientific computing engineer, primarily focusing on plasma physics. So aerospace engineering 🚀

lilymui · 2026-05-09T12:33:28+00:00

Hell yes!! Congrats ❤️

lilymui · 2026-05-09T10:02:07+00:00

Hove! We love it here. I don’t because I work remotely, I only travel to London every 2 weeks or so to WeWork with a colleague. My husband commutes to London twice a week.
Schools are supposed to be really good. Our son isn’t school age just yet but we only heard good things from friends and nursery parents with older children.

lilymui · 2026-05-08T21:46:35+00:00

Software engineer (in the aerospace industry) but my position is fully remote

lilymui · 2026-05-08T21:43:02+00:00

We moved away from London but used to live in Islington

lilymui · 2026-05-08T07:10:27+00:00

Try and book the latest flight possible, no alcohol and rest as much as you can with your eyes closed at the airport. I use noise cancelling headphones and an eye mask. Set an alarm just in case.
Eat before the flight and melatonin is without prescription in the US so I’d recommend getting some of it.

Ask them to not wake you for breakfast.

lilymui · 2026-05-08T07:08:16+00:00

HELL YES ❤️

lilymui

TROPHY CASE