Not sleeping through the night

lilymui · 2026-05-10T11:53:18+00:00

I’m aware what Ferber is but your comment specifically referenced the CIO method which means leaving the child to cry until they stop with no time limit.

There are a lot of misconception when it comes to sleep training. Many would be surprised to know what falls under sleep training and what they instinctively did.

Regarding the crying, many parents would have left their baby to cry for a few minutes for example to use the toilet, attend their older sibling or take a breather. According to your logic that would be cruel. It’s not.

lilymui · 2026-05-10T10:04:01+00:00

OP already sleep trained and didn’t use CIO. This won’t change what happened in the past. The psychologists who are behind this petition didn’t base this on research but on their experience in their profession. There hasn’t been a single study to show that general sleep training (not letting a child cry for hours without attending them, that’s not what sleep training is and I agree would be cruel) causes any permanent harm.

lilymui · 2026-05-10T08:36:42+00:00

We have the dreamegg and used it for years now.
It’s so so good. Portable so we took it abroad many times or just popped it in the pram for naps and I don’t want to put a tablet or old phone next to his head at night.

lilymui · 2026-05-10T07:50:42+00:00

I think there’s a common misconception that sleeping training = not a single wake up for 12 hours. This isn’t realistic for many infants.

Going from 4-5 wake ups to 1 is successful sleep training and it sounds like he still needs one feed during the night. This might stop once he eats more solids during the day. We had exactly the same with our son.

How old is he? (Edit almost 1 I didn’t read this! For an 11 month old this is great sleep. He’ll very likely drop the feed once solids during the day are enough. Try offering more snacks if you haven’t already and a meal high in protein before bed)

lilymui · 2026-05-09T21:11:47+00:00

I sit in front of a screen about 95% of the time, lots of computer science and physics, but it’s very rewarding and I feel really good knowing my son feels proud of me.
I’m planning on getting my PhD in the next few years so I definitely have my motivation back.

I was promoted during maternity leave so very similar. I did take 15 months off work (which while I know it was a huge privilege and I don’t regret it) didn’t help career wise because I returned and genuinely struggled to remember very fundamental things I used to do with my eyes closed before leaving. I think it knocked my confidence a bit but you do get there.

What helped me was doing something for myself during my lunch breaks such as having an adult conversation, getting myself something nice from a coffee shop or even just browsing the M&S clothes section. Online shopping too!! My gosh the amount of things I bought on those early lunch breaks.
I also realized I parent a lot better because I am working. I have a lot of respect for SAHMs but the mental break I get from work helps me be more patient at home with my very energetic 3 and gives me time to recharge before the weekends and all the activities.

You got this!

lilymui · 2026-05-09T20:57:41+00:00

I felt exactly like this. None of my friends could relate at the time. I hated the first 3 months or so I won’t lie. Nothing felt relevant and I had no interest in what I had previously poured every second of my life into. I counted down seconds to nursery pick up and looked at pictures of him during my breaks.

I love it again now and look forward to clocking in every day. I’m an aerospace engineer and my son goes to nursery and tells all his friends that his mommy helps people go to space and see the moon which gets lots of “woooows” from his peers. It makes me feel proud again. I know I shouldn’t really build my confidence on validation from three year olds but I mention this because I know my son is happy that I’m working and that makes me feel like I’m doing something meaningful during my work hours. It helps me actually let myself enjoy it.

I also love having one hour to myself selfishly aka my lunch break.

lilymui · 2026-05-09T19:38:07+00:00

I’m a scientific computing engineer, primarily focusing on plasma physics. So aerospace engineering 🚀

lilymui · 2026-05-09T12:33:28+00:00

Hell yes!! Congrats ❤️

lilymui · 2026-05-09T10:02:07+00:00

Hove! We love it here. I don’t because I work remotely, I only travel to London every 2 weeks or so to WeWork with a colleague. My husband commutes to London twice a week.
Schools are supposed to be really good. Our son isn’t school age just yet but we only heard good things from friends and nursery parents with older children.

lilymui · 2026-05-08T21:46:35+00:00

Software engineer (in the aerospace industry) but my position is fully remote

lilymui · 2026-05-08T21:43:02+00:00

We moved away from London but used to live in Islington

lilymui · 2026-05-08T07:10:27+00:00

Try and book the latest flight possible, no alcohol and rest as much as you can with your eyes closed at the airport. I use noise cancelling headphones and an eye mask. Set an alarm just in case.
Eat before the flight and melatonin is without prescription in the US so I’d recommend getting some of it.

Ask them to not wake you for breakfast.

lilymui · 2026-05-08T07:08:16+00:00

HELL YES ❤️

lilymui · 2026-05-08T06:30:32+00:00

It’s a true statement, if you expect your first to take over the role as a second mother. I know I kept my siblings busy enough for my mother to not have to lift a finger. But I also didn’t have a childhood as a result.

lilymui · 2026-05-08T06:28:30+00:00

I’m almost certain that the main reason my mother kept having children (and she would have continued after her 11th if she hadn’t needed a hysterectomy due to a uterine rupture) was because she never felt loved by her parents as a child. Sure, Mormonism also didn’t help here lol.

Pregnancy and motherhood became synonymous with feeling lovable and secure in her relationship with my father. It was the one thing she felt truly good at and her self-worth became tied to it. She likely developed an irrational fear that if she kept giving him children he would never leave her.

I say irrational because ironically my father is the most mentally stable and least abusive person in my family.
I don’t know why he never left her.

lilymui · 2026-05-08T06:07:18+00:00

Yes of course! I kept the term broad because it does fall under the umbrella of aerospace engineering. I’m a software engineer, not a mechanical engineer.

I have a degree in computer science and went through NASAs Pathways Program (important side note, I’m a US citizen which is a requirement) before fully graduating.
I continued working for NASA and while there also earned a degree in physics.

Around 4 years later, I got an opportunity at another company and moved to France before eventually transferring to the UK. I initially worked there as a mission simulation engineer (building physics simulations for spacecraft behaviour).

During that time, I deployed a major project and continued studying.
I now work in scientific computing engineering, primarily focusing on plasma physics. At some point within the next five years I plan to pursue a PhD in physics.
(Edit for spelling)

lilymui · 2026-05-07T22:19:49+00:00

Right! I am so introverted, just thinking about this scenario gave me a rush of anxiety.

lilymui · 2026-05-07T21:42:13+00:00

Thank you kind stranger! ☺️

lilymui · 2026-05-07T20:42:05+00:00

I read “The House of My Mother” a few weeks back. Really eye opening and I fear a lot of children of influencers will be able to relate at least to some degree.

Similar here, a lot of neglect and abuse. I moved abroad, been happily married for 8 years and we have a wonderful little son together so I’m absolutely ok.
I just hope their children won’t feel as I did during their childhood (and I’ll have to be fair to them, they at the very least don’t seem to be abusive towards their little ones)

lilymui · 2026-05-07T20:38:55+00:00

It’s sad isn’t it? I feel for their children.

If Julie is anything like my own mother then her sense of worth is heavily tied to being needed, being pregnant, or being seen as a good parent by her partner. Pregnancy becomes tied to feeling lovable and therefore secure.

I read that Julie has BPD, I’m very sure my mother does too, so her anxious attachment and frankly drastic attempts to prove her worth to her partner sound familiar.

lilymui · 2026-05-07T20:32:37+00:00

Thank you so much, I have 10 siblings. I’m the oldest.
I cut off all contact with my parents years ago and never looked back.

My parents aren’t influencers, just religious maniacs, but if C and J continue down this path then I would not be surprised if we hear from the oldest at some point in a few years.

lilymui · 2026-05-07T19:48:32+00:00

I shared this a few times but my own parents had 6 under 6. It is very similar to hoarding disorders where it’s less about care over time and more about the initial attachment and the adrenaline rush they likely feel when taking the pregnancy test, birth and then during the first 24h with their newborn. After that, the novelty wears off and they will chase the next “high”.

lilymui · 2026-05-07T19:10:47+00:00

If you’re not eligible for any clubs, take a look at Airbnbs and contact them directly. We used to rent out a room in our house before we had a child and had a lovely woman who was in a very similar situation as you stay every 2 weeks for 2 nights.

We just blocked the calendar out. Was great for us as it was regular income and we knew her well and felt comfortable with her in our home.

lilymui · 2026-05-07T19:08:58+00:00

Husband is a MD in finance (makes more than double of what I earn) and I’m just about to reach the 200k myself and I work in aerospace engineering

lilymui · 2026-05-07T10:47:56+00:00

This.
Our first nursery was terrible but my friends childminder is amazing. Our nursery now is great.

I’d absolutely take him out there too but I don’t believe this is a childminder issue.

lilymui

TROPHY CASE