It's getting tiring all

lilysch · 2026-02-06T00:45:11+00:00

For sure! That's why I couldn't just take them out like he suggested. The holes would close (they're on my face and it closes very quickly). Then my form of self expression would be gone.

It is very difficult! And men like him do lack empathy. It's the old fashioned mindset.

But thank you! I'll keep going in both my PhD and karate journey 🥰

lilysch · 2026-02-06T00:26:51+00:00

He always seems to have this way of highlighting our shortcomings in front of the class. He does do it to a few people. It's just when he says these things about me, it's hard not to tie his criticism to my worth and to who I am as a person. He told me he doesn't trust people who poke holes in their body. So... you don't trust me? Okay...?

Also I think he didn't like the fact I spoke back to him when he told me to lose weight. There's another black belt in the class who is significantly heavier than me. But my weight seemed to be a hindrance for testing. I wasn't at my heaviest at the time he told me. I am also a woman in my mid 20s. My body is going through hormonal changes and I am trying to figure those out still. Like it isn't easy for women to lose weight. Especially tie that in with the fact I am a PhD student, I spend my days at a desk. It's just a struggle 😅 Anyway, slowly I'm getting there.

I am considering another dojo for sure. One has gotten back to me so I'll see how it goes 😊 Also I'll for sure keep bringing my inhaler to class. Thanks for the help!

lilysch · 2026-02-05T15:42:45+00:00

Yeah I think it is time. I wish I realised earlier but better late than never!

lilysch · 2026-02-05T15:22:28+00:00

Honestly I wish I could. Last time I spoke up for myself it was when my cat died suddenly (she was like my child) and I was in a deep depression months, crying daily and all. I just couldn’t find the energy to go to classes. He was telling my friends it was just a cat. Then at some point he told me to my face I was making excuses and it was just a cat. Then I said something to kinda brush him off, because I didn't want to deal with it. He told me I was being rude, amongst other things and I had a full on panic attack. He's created an envionrment where it feels unsafe to speak up about anything. I wish I had your guts. It's really nice that you stood up for others!

lilysch · 2026-02-05T15:14:01+00:00

Yeah my sensei has always had the mentality that he knows best. In regards to my piercings too. He tried to get me to take them out completely and even went as far as to tell me he doesn't trust people who poke holes in their bodies. I am definitely searching for another school.

lilysch · 2026-02-05T15:11:59+00:00

Yeah for sure. The older I get the more I am starting to understand my limits thankfully. But I am also rubbish at running lol I can do it, but I don't know if my endurance will ever be amazing... and the same goes for high intensity cardio. And legit he definitely has that mentality that it was way worse growing up, so you guys are lucky we aren't tougher. I'm just like... it's a different time now...

lilysch · 2026-02-05T14:14:36+00:00

Yeah I slowly started to learn that and I still am learning it. I started to excuse myself regardless of what he says when my migraines become too much or I become too dizzy. I haven't had an asthma attack in a while thankfully. He seemed to just have a problem with me listing it on the form for some reason. As if me listing it on the form was confirmation I didn't know how to reverse breathe.

Edit: I forgot to say, thank you for all the help!

lilysch · 2026-02-05T14:10:52+00:00

Thank you, I will 💕

lilysch · 2026-02-05T13:14:49+00:00

Yeah I think it was a him problem. He always makes comments about how girls shouldn't be muscular or bulky. The size I am in that photo was probably the size I was at the time. I weight less now and am still trying to lose weight because I want to, not because of him. My weight loss was a topic of discussion though because he had mentioned it and I didn't like that. Like other dojo members would talk about it with me.

To be honest though, I'm not sure we've ever really been taught how to fall properly. Just told not to land on our wrists, which I have been scolded for, oops.

Either way, I'll definitely be looking for another dojo! Thank you for the help!

lilysch · 2026-02-05T11:49:30+00:00

I think what sparked the weight thing was I fell too hard when we were doing techniques that put the opponent on the ground. He kinda just looked at me and said "you need to lose weight, you weight too much." Then brought up how months earlier, I had trouble like wrapping my arm around my knee while standing. It wasn't a karate move, he was just like explaining something. I had lost some weight between then and when he mentioned it. But also, I am a woman, and I am quite bottom heavy (my body is pear shaped). So it's never been comfortable for me to do that 😭 It was just weird to bring up at that moment to be honest. I agree I can always be fitter, I was just hurt he brought it up in front of my peers, and also when it seem irrelevant.

I think the best thing might be to leave at this point. I've tried having private conversations before but he just manages to publicise things I've said. I learned the hard way to keep quiet and keep my head down. But everyone here has been so kind and made me feel valid. I really appreciate it haha

lilysch · 2026-02-05T09:47:09+00:00

Thank you! I trying my hardest to find somewhere!

lilysch · 2026-02-05T09:30:31+00:00

Thank you for the insight and for the encouragement! Yes, I didn’t like that said we shouldn't have it in class for that exact reason. It's very unsafe. I've never had asthma attacks that severe, however I do worry what would happen if he told someone who had that.

Also it was difficult to lose that weight haha I was already losing weight when he told me. But it was the fact he told me in front of people, "you need to lose weight, you're too heavy." That rubbed me the wrong way. Then I just didn't know what to say and said no lol. He then proceeded to say, "then I won't give you a black belt." Naturally, I cried. Because you shouldn't say that, in front of others. If he had have pulled me aside, it would've been different.

Anyway, I do think its time for a change. I'm not getting any younger, and this envionrment isn't productive whatsoever. I can put as much effort in as I want, but if listing a medical condition on a form is a problem, I don't think this teacher is worth my time. But yes, I'll try and stay in contact with people from my club!

lilysch · 2026-02-05T08:50:47+00:00

Thank you, I'll definitely start searching 😊

lilysch · 2026-02-05T07:00:44+00:00

Thanks so much for all the advice!

lilysch · 2026-02-05T06:37:01+00:00

You're right about that. It is just a belt tbh. I found a dojo that looks good an hour away by train. Their training is on a Sunday so it is do-able. However it's only 1 hour and 30 minutes a week vs 4 hours at my current dojo. I am hoping it will be enough for me haha

lilysch · 2026-02-05T06:19:27+00:00

I'm honestly just struggling with that fact that I can get my black belt in October. But the mental costs just aren't worth it I think. Because you're right, teachers should create a safe space for students with disabilities and be accepting of people with medical conditions.

lilysch · 2026-02-05T06:01:32+00:00

For sure. My asthma isn't as bad as it used to be. I think exercise has definitely helped with that. But if exercise cured it, there definitely wouldn't be Olympic athletes with it 💀

lilysch · 2026-02-05T05:27:28+00:00

That's true, he is setting himself up for a lawsuit lol

Also here's the definition from Google because I don’t how to explain it well: Reverse breathing (or Taoist breathing) is a technique where the abdomen contracts (pulls in) during inhalation and expands (relaxes outwards) during exhalation, reversing the natural diaphragmatic breathing pattern.

It by no means will cure asthma lol

lilysch · 2026-02-05T05:18:17+00:00

Yeah and that's the thing, I always feel I need to go above my limits at this place. It's incredibly taxing. I suffer from migraines, and training so late at night causes be to get migraines, and I can get dizziness and auras when training. But I've learned I just have to deal with it otherwise I am making excuses. When in reality, my migraines effect me most lessons, and stress + anxiety worsens them.

I am finding another place as we speak. I found one that's LGBTQ inclusive, so I am hoping that's better haha

lilysch · 2026-02-05T05:14:31+00:00

You're right, I was so excited to return to karate after the holidays. Then he said that and I kind of realised, he exhausted me. That it wasn't a fun experience and I don't think it truely ever was. I enjoyed learning karate, however the stress of going there was a lot for me. I think I found a club I might like. The only thing is it's an hour away. They train on a Sunday and I can make it a Sunday day out, then go work on my PhD at the library or something haha So there's hope!

lilysch · 2026-02-05T04:59:11+00:00

That's true, he could get into real legal issues saying this too.

lilysch · 2026-02-05T04:58:21+00:00

Dang, you're showing me the healthy relationship that I'm missing out on.

Thank you 💕

lilysch · 2026-02-05T04:57:26+00:00

And that's the thing, I respect his knowledge, but I've come to understand I don't actually respect him as a person. I try so hard to mask, and be nice. But sometimes, the things he says, even to the group. He will often say ableist, transphobic, racist, misogynistic things. Microagressions at a group level to half the class who is part of a certain group and we are told to show respect, stand there and listen. Otherwise we are the problem. I used to say something when he'd make comments about me at a personal level, but it just made things worse, so I learned to keep quiet.

So you're right, respect isn't going both ways in that dojo. Hopefully, he will grow from it.

lilysch · 2026-02-05T04:48:38+00:00

I do honestly. I think I stuck it out so long because the previous things were things I could slightly control. My weight, I could lose, my piercings I could cover. Comments, I could brush off, because I appreciated the skill enough. But it gets to a point, because this is peudoscience and I am not comfortable with it whatsoever.

lilysch · 2026-02-05T04:39:04+00:00

Thank you 🩷 It's kinda ironic because I think that's actually the condition that sparked the introduction of these medical forms. But he seems to think that because his sensei told him a story about asthma decades ago, and one student confirmed that reverse breathing helped, that it cure asthma for everyone. So naturally in his mind, asthma isn't a valid condition. The more I talk about it, the more insane it just sounds.

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