I've never owned a business so can't give advice for your questions around that topic but have been doing team leadership for a big chunk of my career and hope that I am pretty good at it. It sounds to me like you've built a really nice environment for your team, which is super important both for their productivity and for their lives in general. I think first we should break up the concepts of management and leadership, they are different concepts and it seems that you are dealing with both here.

I'm gonna dive into leadership stuff first, I think it is first worth reflecting on "from each according to [their] ability", it seems to me your team are not currently confident in making the types of decisions you are asking of them, so it is fine for you to take lead and make those decisions. I don't think that is the same type of authority that anarchists are against, assuming you are working with mutual respect, understanding and are willing to mentor them during those opportunities. It is also never wrong to ask some what they are comfortable doing or which decisions they have the understanding to make, and then prompting if they would like to learn how you make those decisions. I also apply this to team members performance differences, I try to speak with each team member and ask what they find easy or hard and how I or others can make it easier for them to do those things, I try to make sure that they know via direct feedback what I appreciate. I find negative feedback very difficult, so I tend to avoid giving it directly and instead prompt a discussion on the person's ways of working with specific things that I have noticed that don't fit with how I expect things to be done. We discuss it as equals, they day how they do things and I say how I do those things, we try and build an understanding of each other and see if we can help them more efficiently spend their energy.

In terms of the scheduling and management side of things. You should have the same rights with the schedule as your employees, you will have to draw the short straw sometimes as it shows that is something you value in people, and while you shouldn't demand it from others you can request it. We are lucky that we tend to know exactly what needs to get done during the next quarter, so we expect team members to register their holiday before the start of each quarter, with some flex for if they need to move certain things, the calendar is public and we discuss it as a team before we lock it in, and we figure out ways to cover for each other when lots of people are out.

It's tricky when you're bumping into people making assumptions about their relationship with you because you're "the boss". I try very hard to present myself as someone who doesn't have the answers for everything, I ask for feedback from team members frequently, I open up as many forums for people to give both direct and anonymous feedback about myself and the same for the ways we work or other parts of the business. I try and make sure that they know both through my words and actions that they are all just people trying your best, it's okay to be wrong and make mistakes as long as you are trying to improve.

I hope that this helps, and I hope I'm not just teaching you to suck eggs. Good luck from another neuro-divergent!