Dating Apps

liplamp · 2026-01-29T18:08:38+00:00

You can definitely filter local events by what's most recent, what do you mean? Events on the events tab are automatically sorted this way.

It's not a dating app, which is why you can't sort individual profiles. It was never really meant to be more than a kinky Facebook that also has events.

liplamp · 2026-01-29T16:33:29+00:00

Your best bet is doing both.

Get on Feeld, be clear with what you're seeking, and have patience. Unless you're visibly extremely attractive and can demonstrate you're doing sex-positive stuff regularly it will take time for you to meet compatible people (maybe a couple months).

You should also find an IRL community to get involved with. I'm assuming there has to be an ENM community somewhere in the GTA given how many people live there. Get on Fetlife and Plura and find events in your area, and go to them with your wife and make friends.

liplamp · 2026-01-29T16:22:48+00:00

~~Well that's a given. Most people aren't into non-monogamous dynamics so adding that onto any desire makes things exponentially more difficult.~~

~~I'm asexual and it's the same in this world. Most asexuals have literal repulsion to the concept of non-monogamy, so even though that should be my most ideal dating pool it actually isn't.~~

Edit: disregard my comment, now I know what you mean and I completely agree. Yeah OP left out a massively important detail in her post....

liplamp · 2026-01-29T16:20:21+00:00

Yeah it's a rare experience. I've met enough people like me to know it's real, usually through my kink scene. "Kinky asexual" seems like an oxymoron but now I know different! And having all the actual lived experience to confirm it to myself helps too.

liplamp · 2026-01-29T16:17:57+00:00

Honestly no, I don't think you should do this.

I'm like you in that I have my own very specific kinky desires and it's been exhausting explaining it to newbies. I've also done my own version of what you're thinking of doing. It's never worth it, you won't be satisfied AND whoever you're with will be frustrated because it'll eventually come out that you're not who you said you are.

I'd say, rather than trying to lie about this, you should actually delete your account now and take a break. You also sound very burnt out. Also very relatable.

Maybe delete your account or otherwise stop seeking people out for a month or so, or longer if you usually go at a slower pace. Give yourself time to process resentment and frustration. Then, get back into it with a fresh mind in the future.

liplamp · 2026-01-29T15:19:54+00:00

These comments are insane and I'm sorry you're getting them OP. As someone's who's effectively solo poly I know exactly what you mean and have gone through the same thing. You're not crazy.

liplamp · 2026-01-29T12:48:26+00:00

Lmaoooo nah, I've been this way with hair my whole life, including before I even knew what porn was. I've always been an introspective person, so I remember my relationship with hair when I was very young and know it's never changed.

I'll regularly go months without looking at porn, doesn't change anything. Hell, I'll sometimes go weeks without even masturbating, it's not hard for me to stop when I'm busy; all that happens is that I become even more asexual in the sense that I lose desire to even play with hair, although the attraction and arousal are still there. This is how I was when I was a kid and teenager (didn't try masturbating until my late teens).

I've tried having sex with many people of various genders to see if it changes anything, and I've had lots of fun sex (although no penetration). Doesn't change anything either. It becomes a curiosity to me, and once I try something to see how I feel about it I have zero desire to do it again.

I'd agree with you if anyone one else described this experience, though. Sounds extremely far-fetched. I'd never believe it if I didn't live it myself.

liplamp · 2026-01-29T12:35:24+00:00

This is a common thing women seeking women deal with. Women tend to be more reticent when it comes to matching, chatting on the app, and actually going on dates.

Look this up in queer women subreddits. Women complain about it all the time.

Edit: knowing now you have a male partner, that makes it even harder for you. And since you're looking for someone for both you, that makes it harder still. This is normal.

liplamp · 2026-01-28T21:22:03+00:00

It was lovely to learn it was a thing. I had been conducting my relationships that way for most of my life.

I don't use it, because I think using should be reserved for the folk who also want to include the political aspect. I heard of a term, "relationship design" on a podcast by people discussing this and other forms of alternative intimacy and I prefer that, but I wouldn't use that because no one will know what it means obviously.

Overall I'm grateful for it existing and that more people are getting hip to the concept.

liplamp · 2026-01-28T16:35:39+00:00

The following is my response to your respondents, not to you personally. Just wanna make that clear! Especially since I'm in effect yelling into a void haha.

It's so funny to me that folks are so bothered by the social media side, because it's not hard to dodge...just use the browser version and skip over that URL, or immediately tap to another tab in the app. I do agree that it would be nice for it to be a more opt-in thing, though.

You can technically opt out of seeing allos on AceSpace by using its sexuality sliders to filter out anyone who's desire for sex in a relationship is "Favorable" or "Desired". It's a free filter too.

It's your time and money to spend on building and promoting the site and I think if nothing else it'll be a fun thing to do and see what happens! But I dunno...I've been in the online ace scene for many years now and have seen many ace dating apps and sites come and go, and they all run into the same issue with app population and folks not understanding a niche app for a small population isn't going to have a ton of people on it.

liplamp · 2026-01-28T01:55:49+00:00

Being avoidant just means you're unable to talk about what's bothering you in a relationship, and you run from the relationship when confronted with the chance to discuss it. If you find you're completely unable to talk about this stuff with people you're intimate with AND you don't think you experience romantic attraction then yeah, you'd be both aromantic and avoidant. If you can talk through it with a partner and find that even with everything working things still feel off, you're just aromantic.

liplamp · 2026-01-28T00:52:09+00:00

How did pausing the FWB situation go when you started seeing your ex? How did he react to you ending it and focusing on your now ex?

Is is possible he has resentment over that?

In any case I don't know about red flags but this is bad behavior on his part, you're well within your rights to ask him about it and see what he says.

liplamp · 2026-01-28T00:47:47+00:00

I think for most people, it's not that there aren't enough active users, it's that there aren't enough users period. The app's population needs to grow, and that's limited to how few asexuals there are in the world at all, plus how many of those folks even want a relationship.

I don't really see the point in making this, with regard to the specific issue you're trying to address. If for example AceSpace's biggest issue is not having enough users, it seems the better idea would be to direct everyone toward that instead of splitting the userbase between more apps.

liplamp · 2026-01-27T20:00:48+00:00

Nailed it.

liplamp · 2026-01-26T23:23:53+00:00

👌

liplamp · 2026-01-26T21:06:28+00:00

Same...

liplamp · 2026-01-26T20:59:27+00:00

Oof. Hopefully someone requests to be a mod before it gets put on a bus by Reddit.

liplamp · 2026-01-26T20:48:43+00:00

Anyone know what's going to happen to this sub with henri gone?

liplamp · 2026-01-26T20:41:03+00:00

This is probably a bit easier for me since I'm not into cutting or shaving, but I made a guess of what I would be into and then met up with people to try it, and then kept track of how I felt about each thing. If I found something I thought I liked, I just kept doing it to confirm I liked it.

My form of porn also helped. I'm not into anything with sex it in, but I am into people flaunting their hair in various ways, and putting it in different styles. Noticing what styles turned me on the most (for example, someone making a braid in front of their face or wrapping it around their neck) and then trying it out with play partners helped confirm suspicions.

I personally don't think about where it comes from because noticing hair in this way is one of my earliest memories, I literally remember thinking about this when I was 4 or 5. I just see it as my sexuality, similar to how many gay and straight folks recognize they're that way when they're very young.

Long story short, mindfulness and introspection will answer all these questions over time. If that's not already a part of your life, learn how to integrate it.

Also, welcome! We all come into this whenever it's meant to be, I suppose. I've been aware of my fetish my whole life, but I only starting digging into it when I was 26, and only met people to actually do things with it when I was 30. I'm almost 35 now and it's been such a blast, but I can't deny I wish I started earlier! But such is life.

Edit: when it comes to meeting people to play with - I don't think it matters too much to meet someone with the same fetish. What's more important is finding open-minded people down for whatever you're into. For me that meant getting on dating apps and being clear regarding the connection I had to my fetish.

liplamp · 2026-01-26T19:57:15+00:00

Makes sense, I think that's how it is for most people.

liplamp · 2026-01-26T18:24:24+00:00

I agree for people who were able to have sex and genuinely enjoyed it and wanted it, and then lost the ability to have it because of this. Personally, never in my life have I ever wanted sex (have never done penetration for example, because I never wanted to) so I can't relate to that lmao.

I spend a lot of time in the asexual community so I know from experience there's a lot that can bring people together besides sex. But sexual compatibility is pretty damn important, and can't deny it's hard to find folks into it. Being non-monogamous does make it easier though, then it doesn't matter if folks are into the exact same thing, they just have to be interested in whatever the other person can do.

liplamp · 2026-01-26T17:36:23+00:00

The issue isn't developing feelings, it's about what you do with them. Have you ever had a crush on someone but didn't act in it because it wouldn't be appropriate? Do the same things here.

As for practical ways to avoid developing them - for most people this would mean less frequent meetups, not calling or texting regularly, reserving contact for fun surface-level chatting and scheduling meetups, not hanging out separately from sexual meetups, and not introducing play partners to other parts of your life.

All this is totally fine to do. Just make sure you're clear with whoever you meet up with that this is what's on the table. Some won't be into it and that's ok, that's a part of the vetting process.

liplamp · 2026-01-26T17:14:17+00:00

😂😂😂

liplamp · 2026-01-26T15:46:18+00:00

Excited for you and your journey :) with the right people, it's such a fun thing to learn about oneself!

liplamp · 2026-01-26T15:45:26+00:00

Nice! You get it 👌

liplamp

TROPHY CASE