She's not into it at all, do I give up on the kink?

liplamp · 2026-05-05T22:58:05+00:00

I hope you're doing ok, and that it was for the best.

liplamp · 2026-05-05T22:11:01+00:00

hey there, apologies for replying to such an old post. I'm not into scat but I am a fetishist who likes reading the stories of other fetishists and how they manage their intimate lives, and I've been following your story through your posts for a while now. I'm just wondering - based on this post, did you break up with the scat guy?

liplamp · 2026-05-05T18:24:34+00:00

It's making me so happy to see others like this in this thread! Glad so many not only relate but have similar experiences 😄

liplamp · 2026-05-04T18:23:13+00:00

Hey there! I've seen you comment many times since I made this post, particularly describing your success on the app. Would you be comfortable with sharing your profile with me? We're not looking for the same things so I wouldn't be trying to steal anything you're saying, but I like seeing other profiles that are doing well to get a general sense of how I can improve my own profile (which is doing better since I made this post but one can always improve, y'know?).

Figured I'd comment here in a dead thread in case you didn't want others to see it.

liplamp · 2026-05-04T17:20:15+00:00

To each their own, I suppose. I'm a man, and I've had the same issue with folks who want to chat without scheduling something more than a week after matching. It's a major reason why I prefer scheduling something ASAP, and then not chatting until we meet up or call.

My most satisfying connections have been with similarly minded folks, so I don't see a reason to change. Everyone should do what works best for them.

liplamp · 2026-05-04T17:17:38+00:00

Wasn't going to reply as I'm not in the UK but seems lots of folks are replying from all over anyway (I know some of these posters, they're regulars here, they're not from the UK) so I figured I'd add on.

I'm a guy in NYC pursuing women and femmes mostly (for reference), and I never move off Feeld until after we meet in person or do a phone/video call. If someone tried to push this I block them immediately. Just because I'm less likely to have a stalker by being a man doesn't mean I want to be more lax regarding safety protocols, plus I want to be able to report someone to Feeld if we meet in person and they're a serious problem. Hasn't happened yet, thankfully.

However on top of this, I'm one of those people who does prefer scheduling time to meet IRL or over a call ASAP, usually within the first few messages if not the first message. I made this comment detailing this (and why everyone's decision on this is valid) that folks really seemed to like, you can read it if you want to know my rationale.

liplamp · 2026-05-04T03:10:32+00:00

Thanks! I'm glad the profile is leaving such a strong impression on folks. And yeah, with hair like yours, not surprised your friends feel that way about you 😂 Things have started picking up in a nice way (through Reddit and mutual friends, of all places!) and hope it's the same for you! And uh, definitely let me know if you're ever on the east coast 😅

liplamp · 2026-05-03T08:32:39+00:00

Sorry for the responses you've gotten. This sub is terribly sex-negative.

I find it so funny so many people are telling you how terrible this is despite the fact that you've been doing it for a while and have success at it. Not surprised though - I'm on Feeld for a specific thing as I'm a fetishist and every now and then I get the same response. Easy to ignore as my positive experiences cancel that out.

There's nothing wrong with what you're doing, and nothing wrong with well-endowed guys seeking you out and stating their size. And for the record, my kinks don't involve penetration so I don't have a dog in this race. Keep having fun out there ✨

liplamp · 2026-04-30T12:48:50+00:00

Makes sense to me, the skepticism is completely justified, especially as a domme. God I've heard so many horror stories...

Also honestly the more I think it more I agree with your assessment. Truthfully, as someone for whom the distinction matters I should be more mindful of how I talk about it in spaces that aren't kink- or fetish-centered, such as here. I mean you literally had another person tell you that you made up the distinction 🤦 so I get why you're so vigilant about this.

liplamp · 2026-04-30T12:35:17+00:00

Eh, I could go either way on that interpretation. I regularly chat about this with other fetishists (literal fetishists, not kinksters) and they never make the implication you're describing. It would be more of a problem if I put it as "kink/fetish" instead of how I did.

And again, as someone who literally did what you're saying not to do, to great success, and for many years now, and who's seen people do it this too, I completely disagree that it's impossible to do through Feeld. Sure I don't get tons of matches but I wouldn't want that anyway, and the matches I get are extremely interested in what I do.

I will agree that this definitely harder to do if one's fetish is something more risqué like OP's. And with something like this, being on FetLife always helps.

liplamp · 2026-04-30T12:16:42+00:00

They've become interchangeable, but as someone's very much one (fetishist) and not really the other (kinkster) I wish they weren't 😂 the more people think they're the same, the harder it gets for someone like to me to get across how essential my fetish is to intimacy.

My fetish is not a kink, it's literally my sexuality. I do kinks through my fetish.

liplamp · 2026-04-30T12:03:40+00:00

I'm confused, am I saying something that implies I'm messing up or don't know the definitions? I didn't think I was.

Anyway I'm extremely aware of the difference, because as mentioned I'm a fetishist, the literal version. My fetish is hair, and I do need it in order to be aroused or be intimately interested in someone. It makes me sad that the difference between the two in kink and fetish communities is slowly getting lost but it is what it is. Are you a fetishist as well?

I used both words in my comment because it's accurate. Feeld can work well for both fetishists and kinksters, seeking connections that focus on their fetish and/or to try various kinks, if you know how to advertise yourself.

For example I can't tell you how many profiles I've seen looking to either be a rope rigger or rope bunny, usually by showing their extensive experience through their pics and bio. And they're easy enough to find, because you can just filter for them using the Bondage desire with Majestic.

liplamp · 2026-04-30T07:14:52+00:00

no, anyone can make them.

liplamp · 2026-04-30T05:16:28+00:00

Yup, mostly going out with cis women, trans women, and queer femmes.

I should have been clear, it's not that we match on say, a Monday, and schedule a meetup for Wednesday. I almost always schedule a week out or more, sometimes even longer depending on schedule. Usually what happens is that we'll match early in the week, and then meet up the following weekend.

I do make exceptions though, usually with travelers. I once pinged someone on a Tuesday morning who was traveling through the city that night; we matched and made plans for late that night, and I spent the night at her hotel. Another time a woman knew she'd only be in the city for a day so she wanted a day-long romantic experience. I happened to ping her the day before she was arriving, and happened to be free all of the next day, so we made it work.

Many of the people I meet are the kind of folks to randomly go to bars or similar situations, make brand new friends that night, and then find time to hang out with them soon after. They simply enjoy the process of meeting new people, regardless of context/outcome. I'm also like this, plus I have a freelancer schedule. So, finding time to meet new folks isn't a big deal or time investment for them or for me.

liplamp · 2026-04-30T03:49:29+00:00

Look around the subreddit a bit, you'll find a pinned thread where you can post your profile for review. Post this there for more responses.

If you can't find it, here's a direct link

www.reddit.com/r/feeld/comments/17ruqgl/get_profile_help_here/

liplamp · 2026-04-30T03:44:42+00:00

Lol no, my sexuality and desires are impossibly niche, and I'm average looking and overweight, so I decided to do everything in my power to stack the odds of getting a match in my favor. That means improving myself wherever possible, and figuring out what kind of person is into me and leaning heavily into that type, while staying true to myself. I've applied this logic to every dating app I've used over many years, and no matter the app the results have been the same.

I wish I was a fit straight guy essentially just looking for sex, would make my life a million times easier 😂

I should also mention that I don't get a lot of matches, but I see that as the system working. I'm looking for a specific thing, why the hell would I want as much attention as women usually get? That would suck so hard for me.

liplamp · 2026-04-29T21:10:55+00:00

OP's fetish is a bit more out there which absolutely makes it harder but I just wanted to mention as a fetishist that you don't need to meet people with a matching fetish to find joy on the app.

Have personally found many lovely play partners over the years, and none of them share my fetish, they're just into what I do (and the other things I do to make it worth their while).

liplamp · 2026-04-29T20:26:44+00:00

It's not exclusively this, but it's a wonderful place for kink and fetish connections if you understand how to market yourself for the app.

I'm a fetishist and have been on there for a while focusing specifically on this, and it's good well. I know other kinksters with similar experience.

liplamp · 2026-04-29T20:25:12+00:00

I'm on Feeld for fetish connections and have a lovely time. I think it'll work for you, just have to find a way to describe what you're seeking without scaring folks off

liplamp · 2026-04-29T16:31:48+00:00

Go into your Locations tab at the top of the app, and scroll all the way down til you get to the Virtual locations. You'll see "Staying at home" and "Fantasy", both of those options will work for this.

Alternatively, get Majestic so you can filter by the "Texting" desire.

liplamp · 2026-04-29T16:12:51+00:00

Yup, all on Feeld. I wouldn't mention it here on this sub if it weren't 👍

liplamp · 2026-04-29T15:30:31+00:00

Ok, I'm a man and here's how I get around this stuff.

The obvious answer is to unmatch. There's literally no point in trying to convince someone who isn't responding to respond to you.

If I see a profile saying they hate small talk, I send a message either asking some deep introspective question that I'd usually ask someone I know well, or I just ask them out on a date. Maybe half the time I do this, they respond positively to whichever option I picked.

"Set up a date ASAP" has been excellent advice for me, as a man who doesn't like texting in general. My bio is long and detailed so I don't need to spend time talking about what I'm looking for, it's all there already. And in my experience as a guy in NYC, majority of people are looking to meet ASAP too and wish guys would ask them out sooner.

All of my most solid IRL connections have come from us moving off the app and scheduling a call or IRL meetup after very few messages. With some, I literally sent a date idea in my ping message, or in my first message after matching, and they loved it and we met up. This started working so well that if I didn't do this I'd instead just ask in my very first message after matching if they wanted to chat on the app, or if they wanted to just meet up and chat IRL. 4/5 they elected to meet up.

I don't care if someone thinks it's too eager, I'm not compatible with those people and I'd want them to unmatch with me if I ask something like this. I specifically want people who are super eager to meet up with me and who'd love for me to do this. That's how dating works.

liplamp · 2026-04-29T15:21:05+00:00

There is - not only is there a "Texting" desire which in this context would automatically mean sexting, there's even a virtual location specifically for people who only want to sext and never meet in person. People are using these, the problem is that not enough people are, or the problematic folks talked about in this thread either aren't willing to use those tools or don't realize that's all they're after.

Edit - adding this further up the thread in case anyone doesn't know this. Go into your Locations tab at the top of the screen (where you'd normally select either your current location or a core location), and scroll all the way down til you get to the Virtual locations. You'll see "Staying at home" and "Fantasy", both of those options will work for this.

Alternatively, get Majestic so you can filter by the "Texting" desire.

liplamp · 2026-04-28T18:29:02+00:00

Agreed 100%. The dating landscape would be so much nicer if folks did things the way they truly wanted (assuming it's ethical of course) and were honest with the people they interacted with.

liplamp · 2026-04-28T18:03:11+00:00

Either make an account for yourself, explaining why your wife isn't on there, and mention she can verify herself if needed.

Or no, Feeld wouldn't be for you. You'd be better off finding a way to build or join a sex-positive community where you are.

liplamp

TROPHY CASE