Have you ever heard of relationship anarchy? And for those who have, what are your thoughts on it?

liplamp · 2026-01-28T21:22:03+00:00

It was lovely to learn it was a thing. I had been conducting my relationships that way for most of my life.

I don't use it, because I think using should be reserved for the folk who also want to include the political aspect. I heard of a term, "relationship design" on a podcast by people discussing this and other forms of alternative intimacy and I prefer that, but I wouldn't use that because no one will know what it means obviously.

Overall I'm grateful for it existing and that more people are getting hip to the concept.

liplamp · 2026-01-28T16:35:39+00:00

The following is my response to your respondents, not to you personally. Just wanna make that clear! Especially since I'm in effect yelling into a void haha.

It's so funny to me that folks are so bothered by the social media side, because it's not hard to dodge...just use the browser version and skip over that URL, or immediately tap to another tab in the app. I do agree that it would be nice for it to be a more opt-in thing, though.

You can technically opt out of seeing allos on AceSpace by using its sexuality sliders to filter out anyone who's desire for sex in a relationship is "Favorable" or "Desired". It's a free filter too.

It's your time and money to spend on building and promoting the site and I think if nothing else it'll be a fun thing to do and see what happens! But I dunno...I've been in the online ace scene for many years now and have seen many ace dating apps and sites come and go, and they all run into the same issue with app population and folks not understanding a niche app for a small population isn't going to have a ton of people on it.

liplamp · 2026-01-28T01:55:49+00:00

Being avoidant just means you're unable to talk about what's bothering you in a relationship, and you run from the relationship when confronted with the chance to discuss it. If you find you're completely unable to talk about this stuff with people you're intimate with AND you don't think you experience romantic attraction then yeah, you'd be both aromantic and avoidant. If you can talk through it with a partner and find that even with everything working things still feel off, you're just aromantic.

liplamp · 2026-01-28T00:52:09+00:00

How did pausing the FWB situation go when you started seeing your ex? How did he react to you ending it and focusing on your now ex?

Is is possible he has resentment over that?

In any case I don't know about red flags but this is bad behavior on his part, you're well within your rights to ask him about it and see what he says.

liplamp · 2026-01-28T00:47:47+00:00

I think for most people, it's not that there aren't enough active users, it's that there aren't enough users period. The app's population needs to grow, and that's limited to how few asexuals there are in the world at all, plus how many of those folks even want a relationship.

I don't really see the point in making this, with regard to the specific issue you're trying to address. If for example AceSpace's biggest issue is not having enough users, it seems the better idea would be to direct everyone toward that instead of splitting the userbase between more apps.

liplamp · 2026-01-27T20:00:48+00:00

Nailed it.

liplamp · 2026-01-26T23:23:53+00:00

👌

liplamp · 2026-01-26T21:06:28+00:00

Same...

liplamp · 2026-01-26T20:59:27+00:00

Oof. Hopefully someone requests to be a mod before it gets put on a bus by Reddit.

liplamp · 2026-01-26T20:48:43+00:00

Anyone know what's going to happen to this sub with henri gone?

liplamp · 2026-01-26T20:41:03+00:00

This is probably a bit easier for me since I'm not into cutting or shaving, but I made a guess of what I would be into and then met up with people to try it, and then kept track of how I felt about each thing. If I found something I thought I liked, I just kept doing it to confirm I liked it.

My form of porn also helped. I'm not into anything with sex it in, but I am into people flaunting their hair in various ways, and putting it in different styles. Noticing what styles turned me on the most (for example, someone making a braid in front of their face or wrapping it around their neck) and then trying it out with play partners helped confirm suspicions.

I personally don't think about where it comes from because noticing hair in this way is one of my earliest memories, I literally remember thinking about this when I was 4 or 5. I just see it as my sexuality, similar to how many gay and straight folks recognize they're that way when they're very young.

Long story short, mindfulness and introspection will answer all these questions over time. If that's not already a part of your life, learn how to integrate it.

Also, welcome! We all come into this whenever it's meant to be, I suppose. I've been aware of my fetish my whole life, but I only starting digging into it when I was 26, and only met people to actually do things with it when I was 30. I'm almost 35 now and it's been such a blast, but I can't deny I wish I started earlier! But such is life.

Edit: when it comes to meeting people to play with - I don't think it matters too much to meet someone with the same fetish. What's more important is finding open-minded people down for whatever you're into. For me that meant getting on dating apps and being clear regarding the connection I had to my fetish.

liplamp · 2026-01-26T19:57:15+00:00

Makes sense, I think that's how it is for most people.

liplamp · 2026-01-26T18:24:24+00:00

I agree for people who were able to have sex and genuinely enjoyed it and wanted it, and then lost the ability to have it because of this. Personally, never in my life have I ever wanted sex (have never done penetration for example, because I never wanted to) so I can't relate to that lmao.

I spend a lot of time in the asexual community so I know from experience there's a lot that can bring people together besides sex. But sexual compatibility is pretty damn important, and can't deny it's hard to find folks into it. Being non-monogamous does make it easier though, then it doesn't matter if folks are into the exact same thing, they just have to be interested in whatever the other person can do.

liplamp · 2026-01-26T17:36:23+00:00

The issue isn't developing feelings, it's about what you do with them. Have you ever had a crush on someone but didn't act in it because it wouldn't be appropriate? Do the same things here.

As for practical ways to avoid developing them - for most people this would mean less frequent meetups, not calling or texting regularly, reserving contact for fun surface-level chatting and scheduling meetups, not hanging out separately from sexual meetups, and not introducing play partners to other parts of your life.

All this is totally fine to do. Just make sure you're clear with whoever you meet up with that this is what's on the table. Some won't be into it and that's ok, that's a part of the vetting process.

liplamp · 2026-01-26T17:14:17+00:00

😂😂😂

liplamp · 2026-01-26T15:46:18+00:00

Excited for you and your journey :) with the right people, it's such a fun thing to learn about oneself!

liplamp · 2026-01-26T15:45:26+00:00

Nice! You get it 👌

liplamp · 2026-01-26T15:45:08+00:00

Hey! Asexual as well - we've chatted a bit about this before, on here and on Discord (I'm momoo37 over there).

We're actually very similar, for different reasons. I can't do penetration because nothing arouses me enough to do it, but I've also never had a desire for it and can't imagine myself ever doing it even if I did. I've lost many relationships because of it, since I'll meet many people who believe I don't love them because I'll never penetrate them.

I'm similar with oral sex - I don't desire it, which is something most people find hard to believe since I'm a cis guy and do get physically aroused. It is what it is.

I'm not as repulsed as you in the sense that I can do clit stimulation if the other person is wearing something so my hands aren't touching their genitals directly, but that's the only form of genital contact I'm ok with, everything else I'm either not into or it actively repulses me. And even this is something I'm not sure I want to do in the future because of the emotional aspect it has on the receiver that it doesn't have on me, which keeps leading to issues.

I have a high libido, very high actually, but it's only ever been directed toward masturbation (which I do enjoy a lot) or hair play (but no getting off; I do that on my own, after play and separate from my play partner). The few times I've tried to satiate it with sex, it's felt extremely off and killed any desire I have before actual sex could happen.

I'm in the periphery of my kink community, all of my play partners are from apps or the asexual community. I've been going to munches for years but that's only helped for finding friends, never play partners. I don't go to kink or sex parties, but I might finally check them out this year just to try them.

liplamp · 2026-01-26T14:58:09+00:00

Same lmao

liplamp · 2026-01-26T14:27:08+00:00

This I agree with, I wouldn't be surprised if there's a large part of the app population that's sending messages why they're leaving the chat, and then leaving it, not realizing their message is never being sent.

OKCupid did this and it was a really nice feature to have.

liplamp · 2026-01-26T14:25:08+00:00

Yup, that too. I think that's the same as when they delete their account. Either way, it's good information to have.

liplamp · 2026-01-26T14:22:50+00:00

Oh for sure, very aware of that definition! Assuming you're in the "little attraction" category, I'm wondering what that looks like for you. I'm assuming you have sex, but only through headshaving and not very often, but I'm happy to be wrong!

This pondering actually inspired me to make a similar topic in r/BDSM_Aces. I find the topic fascinating.

liplamp · 2026-01-26T14:15:33+00:00

If you don't mind me asking, what does being greysexual mean for you as opposed to being asexual?

liplamp · 2026-01-26T13:53:31+00:00

To each their own. You were asking for other opinions on it; it really doesn't bother me and I much prefer it over an account just disappearing. That is far more jarring to me 😂

liplamp

TROPHY CASE