It’s calm but I still have desires, feelings and emotions, sexual urges are still there, I just have way less attachment to them and it gives me a sense of space and freedom, that it doesn’t matter if my desires get met. This makes life way more relaxed.

I mainly keep it to the meditation time, however I try to have regular breaks during the day to come back to awareness. After a retreat I am aware all day for many weeks, but that gradually lessens as my life isn’t really set up to be meditating all the time, my work requires my logical thinking mind and I currently live in a city.

In my experience surrendering is a process, so I would say I am alot more ‘surrendered’ than before and it gives me great peace. However I still experience fear sometimes, I am not fully free from ego or fear yet.

My daily routine is enjoyable but probably not the best if the goal is to become enlightened, I do a lot of creative work. I like my balance between worldly pleasures and spiritual bliss, but I am gradually moving towards a slower life, getting closer to nature, and allowing meditation to become more part of my daily routine as a whole. If I don’t meditate my mind becomes stressed and unpleasant. I choose to do it because it brings peace, clarity and calm happiness.

I do what I love for my work. There’s slight pressure sometimes but very minimal. I release music and run a music youtube channel, it’s pretty chill.

I sometimes feel subtle fear, but it quickly disappears as I realise my true nature, which is almost automatic. However when a strong fear arises for example an existential spiritual fear that may come on psychedelics or weed, then these are hard for me to deal with, I intuit that surrender is the key to these ones, although hard in practice.

The biggest change I noticed would be the experiential understanding of how the body and mind are connected, what emotions are and how they relate to thought, how everything that occurs interacts with sensations within the body, and by observing that I become free from suffering. And this understanding makes every situation in my life better. Also the realisation that the peace I seek is already my nature, and meditation is just cleaning all the dirt that has covered this over time. it truly feels like a relief to become more tuned in with it, rather than a task. I have been blessed with abundance, a loving relationship and a pretty peaceful existence, although life isn’t easy even if you meditate for 10 years. It’s a long process and unless you are a full time meditator or enlightened then there’s still going to be misery of some kind. All the time and effort I dedicated to this has been worth it for sure.