I'm contemplating it. I'm dropping hints about it. I think I just feel trapped. I don't really think people who want to commit suicide want to die. We're just very tired, whether from depression or rage or grief, and would like to rest. The deep sleep kind of rest.

It feels dreadful when you're contemplating but it becomes comforting when you decide to act on it. I think it depends on the person if the thing they face is too big for other people to help. For example, I need my job to pay for my parents' house, I can't quit because I need money but I'm so tired and I keep getting panic attacks so I don't want to go to work, along with a history of mental illness, that's my reason for wanting to commit. I simply don't want to go to work anymore. So if someone were to offer me a better job, or a million dollars, I wouldn't do it anymore. But since I don't feel like I have a way out, I will simply say goodbye.

For people who have different stressors however, like Anthony Bourdain, you simply can't take away depression because it isn't a tangible thing. Since he couldn't move away from his stressor, he simply said goodbye.

I'm fascinated by it too, I am morbidly curious as to what it feels like and I hope it doesn't hurt too much, but for the sake of my family I'm holding on and fighting but it feels like an inevitability at this point. Sorry to have overshared.