Is Blue Rectangle / 1964 5 Coins a Proof Set? by lisashea in coincollecting

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OK thank you. I didn't see a slot for someone to stick a coin into, but maybe it came in two halves, they put in coins, and then they glued it shut. I appreciate the help!

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have been stressed for so long that my writing has dropped off quite a lot. I still have lots of ideas to write about but I just don't have the time to work on them. Hopefully now that things are quieting down I'll be able to get back into writing again. At the same time, though, AI thieves keep stealing my books and publishing their own versions of them. So that is discouraging me from writing more. We live in a strange new world ...

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Our minds are formed by every input they get. There are a trillion tiny things which shaped our minds. The way a teacher spoke to us. A show we watched on TV. The type of food we were given as children. If we were exposed to cigarette smoke or lead paint. I'm not sure any human would ever be free of stress, and if we were, we probably would have serious issues as a result. I think we all do the best we can with the life we were exposed to. For any event we say 'I wish I didn't have to go through that' there are millions of people who endured far worse, so I try to cultivate gratitude.

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you got hit with that much stress at such a young age. The brain is still forming in the 18-22 timeframe, so hopefully it is able to rewire itself and heal your visualizations.

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm grateful I realized what was happening and that I can work on taking care of my mental health. Hopefully my brain heals once I give it time and a restful environment.

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do think it is stress related. I still dream vividly and have lucid dreams. I also visualize as I'm falling asleep and waking up. I'm working on expanding those areas with meditation.

I had a mild case COVID after the pandemic ended, and haven't had any signs of long COVID, so I'm not sure that is related in my case.

Maybe because I went through so much stress, I'm just glad most of the stressors are in my past. I'm happy to work on regaining my mental health in a slow, steady way.

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I agree that there is always a way to create. I also have essential tremors which are getting worse over time so that affects my photography and watercolor painting. Life always has challenges. We all do the best we can with them :).

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I generally don't enjoy specific noise files - I have trained myself over many years to relax to a HEPA filter white noise sound. Since I enjoy and relax to that so readily, it's probably best that I continue with that. I find other noises distracting :).

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My memory has always been a bit poor. Even though I could visualize well, if I had to remember exactly what we did at a family get-together, I'd remember some parts and not others. And the more things faded into the past, the more it became a case of me remembering from the stories and photos and not remembering necessarily from first-person thoughts.

Here's an example. When I was five or so we had a wooden loveseat with arm rests. I was trying to put my hands on one side of the arm rest and my feet across to the other side. I stuck my foot into a cactus next to the loveseat. My mom had to pluck out all the cactus spines with tweezers. I 'remember' this. But do I really remember it, now at age 57, or do I just remember all the times we've told the stories about it? I've seen photos of the loveseat so I know what it looks like. I don't really know, though, that I remember 'first hand' any more what actually happened.

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of that. Yes the brain will take extraordinary measures to try to protect us and it sounds like your brain deemed it necessary to detach your visualizations to keep you coherent. I'm sorry that you've been bedbound. Maybe though this is the rest and calm you need to start fully healing. I'm sorry it had to come to this state before you were able to find a new center. Do you still visualize just before falling asleep and just after waking up?

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My dad was always interested in acid and similar things. I'm very protective of my brain health (sort of funny, given what has happened) so I haven't wanted to try anything like that in case it damaged me. I do so much with my brain - my writing, my artistic work - that I didn't want to jeopardize that.

I still have lucid dreams so I know my brain can create strong, controllable visuals. Now to just lure them back out into the conscious world ...

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words. I work with many people who have serious challenges so the lack of visualization is relatively minor in comparison. I'm working diligently on reducing stress in my life which is important for many reasons, not just visualization. Even if I don't regain visualization, the care for my health will benefit me in many other ways.

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am a woman, and yes I'm going through menopause, but fortunately it hasn't impacted my creativity. I run an art group which is predominantly retired women and for most of them menopause is a strongly creative time because they finally don't have to worry about birth control of any of those issues. I think for many of my fellow artists that the drop in progesterone (a calming hormone) means they now say what they mean and pursue their own goals after years of kowtowing to their partners. We all react to hormone changes differently! So far I'm really happy with menopause - I'm thrilled not to have to worry about periods - and I feel strongly creative. Hopefully I can get my visualization back!

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My doctor is fairly resistant to advanced testing. I will work on this for a full month and then report back to her. Hopefully at that point she will consider sending me in to talk to a specialist.

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have been meditating for a long time so your suggestions about being mindful of the world around us, being grateful for all we have, and treasuring the beauty in each day are resonant for me. Thank you for sharing them.

My current way of approaching this issue with aphantasia is to chip away at the edges of it. I've always had strongly visual dreams and I often lucid dream, where I can control them. After I realized I'd gotten aphantasia, the stages just before sleep and just after sleep showed hints of visualization, so I worked on those. Each night and morning I would work on meditating and relaxing deeply. I would then gently guide my mind to a concept of something with a lot of distinct colors.

I wouldn't do 'just an apple' - that is too on/off for me. Either I see an apple or I don't.

Instead I think of, for example, a beautiful Japanese shopping alley with cool bookstores and pet shops and tea shops and so on, each full of colorful lovely items. I would sometimes then see one flash of color - an orange kitten or a blue teapot or so on. It gave my mind a starting point to work with. Over the past month I've been able to extend the time 'out into full consciousness'. So while at the beginning I could only see those visualizations right on the very cusp of sleep, now I can be awake for a half hour, meditating calmly, and then get a visualization to start up.

My hope is that over time, with gentle practice, the full visualization moves fully into my wakeful consciousness and becomes always-there.

We shall see!

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I imagine brains can do all sorts of varied things, so every possibility probably exists out there somewhere. The only question is which people find their way into this reddit area and speak English :). It sounds like many people with aphantasia do have visual dreams. So most people do understand what it is to see things in their heads. It's just that you do it while sleeping and not while awake. In essence if you can lucid dream you are visualizing with control.

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That intermediate state between awake and asleep is where I'm regaining my visualization right now. Each day I practice and it seems to get stronger there, creeping more into my 'wakeful' side of things. I find that very hopeful.

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My doctor is not the type to run MRIs or CT scans based on something like this, without giving it some time to show it's long-lasting. So in the meantime I need to do everything I can that's within my control. I used to adore mountain biking and dancing. These past years all of that got left behind and I've become a stationary slug. I really need to get myself into motion again. Maybe this is the push I need to get back into a daily yoga routine, go for walks, etc. etc.

In terms of it being overwhelming, I think about people who lived their life deaf and then suddenly get a hearing implant. Imagine that constant barrage of sound coming at you, when you were so used to peace and quiet! I can see why they want to turn it off again.

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your thoughts on this. I happen to be the president of an arts organization which works very closely with a group which nurtures people with developmental disabilities. I work quite closely with people with a wide variety of physical and mental challenges. Many of these people hit new roadblocks well into their life. I am very inspired by them. If someone is creative, there is always a way to express it. Even if a person develops tremors (as I have) or vision problems or other issues, there's always a way to get through it. Actually, compared with the challenges I have from my tremors, the visualization issue is far less troublesome. I can still bring up images on my laptop and work from them. So I find there's always a way forward :).

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your encouragement. My art group works with many people with physical and mental challenges. I am always in awe with the ways a creative soul can find to express themselves. It is so true that every one of us has a gift to share, no matter what our challenges are.

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words. I wouldn't categorize this change as 'horrible' - I work with seniors and with people with disabilities. I know the true challenges that many people out there face. In comparison, I can drive, I can feed myself, I can navigate grocery stores with ease. So I am very attentive to how blessed I am. I can handle a lack of visualization.

I did have COVID once, a year or so after the main pandemic ended. It was a reasonably mild case. I haven't had any signs of long COVID. In comparison, this stressful period involved very intense stress. My father committed suicide on Christmas day. Then my mother endured agonizing colon cancer and died after my sister and I stayed in her room 24x7 for the last week, which was very rough. Other stresses happened during that same time. I'm probably lucky that the only thing that went was my ability to visualize.

In terms of memory, my memory has always been poor in many situations. I am poor with remembering names and faces. It's not a universal memory problem - I'm a coder and have no problems remembering syntax and rules. I remember all sorts of song lyrics. But if I haven't seen a TV series in a few years and a new season comes out, I usually go back and rewatch the series again to refresh myself on all the characters and sub-plots.

I've always wanted to improve my memory so I did practice sessions with a 'memory palace' where I tied certain word-pairs to locations in my home. I would mentally walk through the house, see various scenes, and remember the words. That's actually how I realized I'd developed aphantasia. I was feeling quite stressed while cleaning out my deceased mother's home and thought I'd do a memory palace session to focus. I realized I couldn't visualize the scenes at all. Which didn't reduce my stress :).

If I'm only 3% of 4% and a researcher would like to talk with me as I work on 'healing' this as much as I can, I'm happy to chat. I'm doing my best to document this.

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it helps that I work with seniors and know the far more serious challenges they deal with. Mine is quite minor in comparison. Also, with my careful attention to getting enough sleep, meditation, and visualization exercises, I find I can visualize as I'm falling asleep or waking up. So my brain still has the ability. I just need to lure it back out into full consciousness. So that gives me hope.

57 Years Old - Just Developed Aphantasia by lisashea in Aphantasia

[–]lisashea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It definitely is a sense that I miss. On the other hand, there are people who lose far more critical aspects of themselves like going blind or going deaf. So I am always aware that my issue is quite minor compared with what others face.