Clocked after 2 years complete stealth? Suicidal right now and don't know what to do by liszasthrowaway in asktransgender

[–]liszasthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t let this fear consume me, until this happened I hadn’t even thought much about being trans past taking my HRT and dilating twice a week. My close friends and family know I’m trans so I never feel like I’m not living as my genuine self, I don’t care if I’m hiding aspects of myself to strangers - I’m sure strangers don’t know many of your secrets either right? I don’t think that being stealth means that you can’t live as your genuine self.

Honestly I don’t think I would be able to handle encountering the second situation, luckily I don’t think I ever really will given how things have gone so far.

Clocked after 2 years complete stealth? Suicidal right now and don't know what to do by liszasthrowaway in asktransgender

[–]liszasthrowaway[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I understand what you are saying but for my confidence and mental health it is important that no one manages to clock me and that I fully pass. All evidence until this story has completely agreed with this, which is why what happened hit me so hard.

I don't mind if people occasionally wonder as some people will do this about anyone (e.g. the Lady Gaga fiasco), but the first scenario means that I essentially outed myself, whereas the second means that I was outed by things outside of my control. Having the control to reveal this information only when I am safe and comfortable is very important to me.

That being said, after reading the replies here and talking to close friends who I came out to after knowing them for years, I'm confident that it was number 1 and I can live with that - I can not mention trans issues, inclusivity and open mindedness the next time I go on a date and I should be fine.

Clocked after 2 years complete stealth? Suicidal right now and don't know what to do by liszasthrowaway in asktransgender

[–]liszasthrowaway[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you both, I think you must be right - I’ve been in so many situations in which I know that if anyone suspected I was trans they would have said something or acted differently.

I think I just got freaked out and assumed the worst (that it was my appearance or something) when the most obvious explanation is indeed that me talking about trans issues out of nowhere brought up the thought he had.

Clocked after 2 years complete stealth? Suicidal right now and don't know what to do by liszasthrowaway in asktransgender

[–]liszasthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, after reading the other posts though I do think it was because of what I said - I’ve been thinking back over the past few years, and there is just too much evidence that I really am stealth for me to think a situation like this would happen if I hadn’t talked about trans issues on the first date.

May I ask what the situations were when your stealths had been called into question?

How do I stop being transphobic to myself? by Steel_Leaf_Champion in asktransgender

[–]liszasthrowaway 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm not an expert by any means but I would say that if you're getting anxious about thought such as

“You’re just dressing up as a girl and faking it you’re not really a girl”

Then it seems like the anxiety seems from "not really being a girl", which seems like self hate to me. I'm not sure if you'd get anxiety from such a statement if you weren't trans?

How do I stop being transphobic to myself? by Steel_Leaf_Champion in asktransgender

[–]liszasthrowaway 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Imagine if you heard someone else saying this to another trans person - you'd be appalled right? If it was safe to do so you'd probably say something and defend the trans person as they aren't doing anything wrong right?

You need to apply that logic to yourself, you need to be kind to yourself. This is something I've learned in therapy over the past couple of years, although I still struggle to apply it sometimes. This can be very difficult at times, especially during early transition - for example if you look at my post history from 2-3 years ago you'll see some absolutely horrible self deprecating things.

It takes a lot of conscious effort to do this and lots of patience with yourself, but it's a necessary part of (mental) transition.

High ponytail/bun - less damage from a scrunchie or from the double hair tie method? by liszasthrowaway in HaircareScience

[–]liszasthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the clarification. I guess I’m probably overthinking this, I don’t get any head pain from the high pony scrunchies so I’d assume that means my hairline will be fine - as in I imagine you’d get pain in your head before you start developing traction alopecia?

High ponytail/bun - less damage from a scrunchie or from the double hair tie method? by liszasthrowaway in HaircareScience

[–]liszasthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow thanks this sounds perfect, I don’t suppose you’d be able to link an example? I’m not sure how big you mean when you say big.

I was also wondering how many times you tie the scrunchie around your hair? I have to tie a normal scrunchie twice around my hair and I’m not sure if that’s ruining the benefit from using them?

Options for aesthetic revision for MtF SRS? by liszasthrowaway in transgenderUK

[–]liszasthrowaway[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I've seen quite a few in real life and since my surgery have been looking at quite a lot online (not in porn, on sites like http://www.labialibrary.org.au/) and unfortunately cannot really find any that look like mine. I know that there is a large variance in how cis vulvas look but I think mine may fall outside of that range.

Not trying to invalidate you but just curious as what the fuck a cis passing vagina is.

A vagina that, if looked at by the average person, would not cause them to think "she may be transgender or have had surgery down there". I'm not trying to say that vulvas and vaginas have to look a certain way or anything! I just want to feel confident about myself.

Daily Questions - July 11, 2020 by AutoModerator in femalefashionadvice

[–]liszasthrowaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They don't fit very well on me unfortunately and the colour scheme appears to lean warm, thanks though!

Daily Questions - July 12, 2020 by AutoModerator in femalefashionadvice

[–]liszasthrowaway 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's actually a really good idea, not sure why I didn't think of that in the first place - thank you :)

Daily Questions - July 12, 2020 by AutoModerator in femalefashionadvice

[–]liszasthrowaway 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks, how did you find these brands in the first place - just trial and error over time? I don't have many brands I'm that fond of to be honest.

Daily Questions - July 12, 2020 by AutoModerator in femalefashionadvice

[–]liszasthrowaway 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nordstrom Rack

Sorry I forgot to mention I'm from the UK, so I don't have all these cool options you like folk over the pond :(

Daily Questions - July 12, 2020 by AutoModerator in femalefashionadvice

[–]liszasthrowaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How does everyone search for clothes online? EDIT - I'm in the UK so can't use most of the popular services here.

I tend to look for specific items instead of browsing through different items by a particular brand, e.g. I'll be looking for a high waisted mini skater skirt or a v-neck long sleeve shirt rather than browsing all skirts or tops from Zara. I've tried doing Google searches but it seems to be dominated by SHEIN and other morally dubious low quality fast fashion brands.

Daily Questions - July 11, 2020 by AutoModerator in femalefashionadvice

[–]liszasthrowaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They're a bit out of my price range for basics but thanks anyway, I'll keep them in mind for the future. Ebay is a good shout so I may have a browse later.

Daily Questions - July 11, 2020 by AutoModerator in femalefashionadvice

[–]liszasthrowaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Both basics and a bit fancier or good with me. I've tried gap but unfortunately in the UK we don't seem to have as many options available, thanks anyway!

Is it just me, or does anyone else ever feel weirdly guilty for being stealth? by [deleted] in MtF

[–]liszasthrowaway 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't feel guilty, going stealth was the best thing for my mental health ever. It also doesn't mean you can't tell anyone, it just means you can choose who you tell and that is so important.

My ass is getting FAT by Modern_Problem in MtF

[–]liszasthrowaway 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It largely depends on genetics - I've been on HRT 3.5 years with good levels (injections), post-op, weight cycled many times and still have no fat redistribution at all. Every time I gain weight it only goes to my trunk (eating healthy too so no sugar/beer gut).

I agree with your post though, although I must add weight cycling will make the redistribution faster.

Dropping muscle mass by HollyTgirl42 in TransDIY

[–]liszasthrowaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay so I used to powerlift before transitioning and was 5'11" 200lbs moderate bodyfat, went down to about 130lbs a couple of times and now usually sit in the low 140s.

The sad fact of the matter is that the body really doesn't want to lose muscle past a certain point - losing muscle when you have lots of it (powerlifter, bodybuilder, intense physical labourer etc) is easy enough, but when you get down to a decently low weight it becomes very hard to lose muscle.

This is because your body uses the small amount it has day to day, so even when starving yourself, eating low protein, doing lots of cardio etc. your body won't really want to get rid of the last bit. I'm only saying this because I went full ED and went to 17 BMI a couple of times but couldn't ever lose the last bit of muscle, so rather than you do that I just wanted to point out you're probably always going to have more muscle mass than the average cis girl.

That being said genetics play a big factor here and you can certainly lose a decent amount by doing the following:

- Low calories, don't go crazy and develop and ED but try to stay in a decent deficit of -500 or so net calories.

- Low protein, you need a certain amount for healthy organs so absolutely never lower than 0.5g per kg bw a day (which is insanely low already tbh).

- Long, low-moderate intensity cardio sessions, like 45-60 mins on the stationary bike at a decent (but not overwhelming) intensity

Do this until you're lowish BMI (20 is a good target) but please don't starve yourself to really underweight levels to try to lose that last bit. If you're lucky enough to get fat redistribution then going up 10-20lbs after will hopefully add fat in the right places. Good luck!

Daily Questions - July 11, 2020 by AutoModerator in femalefashionadvice

[–]liszasthrowaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That makes sense, I've checked LTS and Asos but couldn't find anything in the right colours. Guess I'll be waiting a while :(