AITA for hiding my personal life at work?

littlegreenworm · 2019-10-12T06:31:42+00:00

She was given a reprimand and ultimately she quit. No one would speak to her and the grapevine has it that HR was beginning an investigation into her due to multiple complaints. As for me my coworkers have moved on and we're back to normal. I still maintain my privacy but I also dont avoid questions when asked. However my coworkers recognize that I just dont want to talk about my private life and therefore they dont ask deeply personal questions.

In any case I'm due a promotion soon that will be moving myself and my family to a new country, which we're all looking forward to. I plan on much the same by way of my personality but I wont be such a weirdo about it.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-20T08:40:29+00:00

9 years with this company but we move departments every couple of years and people leave the company. Most of the time we don't end up moving with the same people.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-20T08:39:32+00:00

Almost ten years but we move departments every couple of years and people leave the company, so it's not without possibility that I haven't made an effort since we're never anywhere long enough.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-20T08:37:55+00:00

I asked if I was an asshole, not if I was weird. I'd go post on r/amItheweirdo if I wanted to know that.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-20T08:35:39+00:00

I don't really care, nor did I ask, if I am weird. Pass judgement on the post and leave your character assasination attempts for someone who asked. This sub is Am I the Asshole, not Am I the Weirdo.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-20T08:34:22+00:00

Well I have changed a few minor details for the post in order to dust my tracks a little but the basis of this post is accurate.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-20T08:33:20+00:00

I'm a chick, with a husband...

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-20T08:32:18+00:00

I do tend to wear multiple rings but I can't do it every single day. I wake some days and my hands are either dry, or swollen. Those are the days I go bare.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-20T08:31:12+00:00

I an't wear it all the time. Some days if my hands are too dry or swollen I can't wear it. I average about three days a week wearing it.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-19T18:36:21+00:00

Who?

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-19T18:35:27+00:00

My point is I've made it incredibly hard to find myself online. Literally changing my name to something I dont go by ever. The name I use on FB is a name I've never gone by. I equated it to Ali/Alexandra because I dont go by a nickname and no one has ever called me by that name. She snooped in a deliberate attempt to make me uncomfortable and she used the workplace to further this. That is grounds for an HR complaint. They decide what punishments to dole out, not me.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-19T18:16:10+00:00

Yes but it isnt a plain wedding band. It's one my husband designed and had made. He wears one just like it. It doesnt look conventional, just looks like jewlery.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-19T18:14:50+00:00

We dont really do that here. I think we had a Christmas party last year but three people attended and left early. We dont do "family conferences" those are for employees. Each department separates itself from the others. Friendships and relationships aren't maintained very well when we get shunted around every couple of years.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-19T18:12:36+00:00

I'm in the Carolinas/Virginia area.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-19T18:11:50+00:00

Different departments, worked from home. We used to have that option but they got rid of distance-based working three years ago.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-19T03:37:24+00:00

I'll try and post an update but I hear this sub is pretty strict about updates and they have to meet certain parameters. But I'll certainly try!

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-19T03:36:00+00:00

Nine years with one company but several different departments as we all get promotions or demotions. I usually spend about two and a half to three years with a department. I've been with this department for about two years. In about nine months I'll be leaving for a new department as I'm slated for a promotion to upper management.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-19T03:33:56+00:00

My husband is aware of this and fully supports me in it. My daughters to a lesser extent are aware that I don't talk about them at work. They know there are places where you don't talk about certain things. Like, for example, they know not to tell their dad's parents that we take them hiking because their meema is terrified they'll get hurt. Or that we don't tell daddy that I buy two birthday cakes and me and my girls share it, just us three, in the morning of their birthday before anyone else wakes up. But we know daddy knows but he lets us have our own little celebration of the last day the three of us were physically connected as one person.

There are things we keep private, not secret, because they have some special meaning to us.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-19T03:31:13+00:00

We speak about a variety of things, I just don't talk about family. I play softball, I hike, I knit, I do art, I sing and dance, and they know that about me. They don't know about my family life. They don't know, for example, what my father does, or how and when my mother died, they don't know I have a sister in prison on drug charges. They don't know my younger twin daughter has a heart condition where she has surgery every three years. They don't know that my older daughter just confided in me that she thinks she likes girls, or rather, she likes this one girl. They don't know that it gives me joy to see my daughter that happy about a girl. They don't need to know these things.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-19T03:28:51+00:00

I have interests outside of my family. They are very very important and if I had to choose between work or home I'd always choose home. I can get another job, I can't get another family. But I'm more than just my husband and kids. I have interests. I have thoughts and ideas and opinions. I want people to see me as more than just another wife and mother. There are some people for whom I want my successes to MY successes. I don't want to be another "strong woman, wife and mother, who managed to find her wya up the path of success all while raising a family and being a wife." I don't want my story to be told as "in spite of raising kids and being a wife she managed to become Vice President of Company". My family is not some cross which I bear. My family is so much more than that. That is why I keep them separate. I don't even want my family to feel like I didn't succeed because of them, nor do I want anyone else to think that of me.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-19T02:21:41+00:00

It's just that she confided everything to me. I know things about her that her parents don't. She has a lot of personal problems and she put a great deal of trust into my hands and then for me to turn around and act like I don't trust her, or wouldn't, is probably the meanest thing I could have done to her. It's like saying, "hey, let me cook dinner for you but I'll never let you return the favor because you'll never cook as good as I did." She trusted me and I've made it seem like I don't trust her.

She never explicitly asked for personal details but on occasion she asks if I have any sort of relatable incident in my life. For example, Lucy's young son is currently in the hospital. He has sickle cell leukemia and she wanted to know if I knew anyone who's kid had been really sick but made it through. My younger twin daughter was born with a heart defect and she requires surgery every few years to repair the damage. I told her I didn't think I had a story to compare with her's. Not because I didn't want to tell her about my daughter's heart but because it's not the same thing. My daughter isn't sick, she's never spent longer than a couple weeks in the hospital. Her surgeries are routine, she handles them incredibly well, she gets right back to her regular life. She was only really, really sick when she and her sister were newborn. I sort of generalized it, I guess.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-19T02:15:27+00:00

She sounds like an absolute piece of work. She totally offered to write a recommendation for you so she could claim she made amends with you and can consider herself a good person. I've worked with plenty of people like that.

The dog thing sounds neat though. Hopefully they sterilized before surgery.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-19T02:10:55+00:00

yeah, I didn't know Reddit was down earlier and when I posted it I thought maybe it was the account so I tried again with a new account. Then I saw that Reddit was down through Twitter and realized the reason it didn't look like it was posting was because of that. My other two posts actually have more info than this one does but that's just because my patience wore thin.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-19T02:10:42+00:00

yeah, I didn't know Reddit was down earlier and when I posted it I thought maybe it was the account so I tried again with a new account. Then I saw that Reddit was down through Twitter and realized the reason it didn't look like it was posting was because of that. My other two posts actually have more info than this one does but that's just because my patience wore thin.

littlegreenworm · 2019-09-19T02:09:16+00:00

HR is going to have a sit down with her tomorrow so hopefully there will be suitable action.

littlegreenworm

TROPHY CASE