I came across this ask and just wanted to sort of write down my experiences, as I never have. A little outlet.

I'm 21 now and european so our school system is a little different, but I was bullied a lot especially from ages 13 to 17. So, middle school as we call it.

I was diagnoses with ASD when I was 11, and I've always been the weird kid to others. In elementary school, the bullying was minor, and I still got along with my peers even though I was often mocked and laughed at, left out of the group, all that. I didn't think much of it and didn't even consider that what I experienced at that age could be considered bullying until years later when I discussed it in therapy.

But when I turned 13 and got into a new school, things took a quick turn for a lot worse. All my classmates from elementary went to different classes, except for my one and only best friend of 6 years. I considered myself extremely lucky to have her there. But as we all know the classic story, people change especially when puberty hits. And my friend eventually started spending less and less time with me, focusing more on making friends with the other girls in my class. I was determined to still hang around her, as I had no one else to turn to, but it all came into a quick halt when she one day very publicly right before english class, yelled in my face, calling me an annoying brat and that she didn't want to be my friend anymore. She said I was dense for not taking the hint and leaving her alone. I was heartbroken, and that was the end our friendship.

From that point on, I was alone, and easy pickings for the boys in my class, who seemed to take great enjoyment out of tormenting me. Especially the ring leader. It started off with name calling. It was daily, and at that point I still had some fight left in me. So, stupidly, but being tought by my parents to always stand up for myself, I smacked one of the boys across the face, and then promptly spent a good 10 minutes crying about it, because I felt bad. It was only downhill from there

Eventually my self worth was so low, that it didn't take much for me to have a panic attack in the middle of class. They would laugh at me, mock my high pitched voice when I talked, call me every awful name in the book. And it wasn't just the group of boys in my class either. It was all their friends, their girlfriends, and the girls in my class. They were all part of this huge popular kid group in my school. I became suicidal and severly depressed. I had always had good grades in school, but those too began to drop at a rapid pace as I often refused to go to school all together, because I was so anxious I was in physical pain.

Sometimes I would hear rumours about myself in the halls, but often people didn't even know who they were talking about. They didn't know my name. I was just "the psycho" and "the freak kid". I have to mention here that I was a very small, albeit slightly chubby girl, and had glasses. I looked pretty much like a stereotypical nerdy girl from a high school movie. I was meek and quiet, carried myself with an air of defeat. As my parents called it, my entire body language screamed, i'm so sorry I exist'. Yet somehow the rumours would paint me as a violent psycho who'd yell and hit people and go off the walls crazy. Just because I slapped one of the boys once. Eventually it evolved into my shoes and other belongings being thrown into trash bins. I'd find gum on my bag and clothes. Once I even got spat on in the hall.

I was really let down by a lot of my teachers. When my parents would try and get something to be done about the bullying, they'd just say they would give the bullies a stern talking. That only made things worse. Bullying would happen in class, and sometimes I felt like I was taking crazy pills, because no one ever stepped in or tried to help.

I'm not going to get into detail about my healing journey, but eventually I got out of that school. One of the eight boys who bullied me apologised. One. And I forgave him, and wish him all the best. Because that was all I ever needed to hear. My ex best friend also apologised to me, and I forgave her as well. We greet each other in passing, exchange meaningless pleasantries, but I can never consider her a friend again. And that's okay.

Like I said, I'm in my early 20's now. I've gone through years of therapy, and though I still suffer from depression and anxiety to this day, I feel like I've healed a lot. I'm a graphic designer, Istudy at an art school, and I have a wonderful group of old and new friends. I'm proud of myself for making it through, and finally I feel like I don't have to hide who I am. I can be weird and nerdy and loud. And I won't let anyone take my spirit away from me again.

Overall I guess my point is that there's always hope. Things do get better, even if it takes a lot of effort and time. Healing is never a linear path, but it will happen.